Reports/Allegations of Adult SS Abusing and Sexually Assaulting Women
I haven't been here in a while. I use to discuss my Stepdaughters issues and dealing with BM but now we have bigger issues with my adult SS25. My SD16 is doing REALLY good. Still in therapy school but working PT and getting her license. So she is not the issue at this time.
TW: Rape, Sexual Assault, and Abuse
As somebody who does not have children myself it's hard to figure out how to assist my husband sometimes in dealing with his relationships with his kids or how he feels when something traumatic happens. Last year my adult stepson who is arrested for assault and battery of his then girlfriend who was pregnant because of COVID he just had his court hearing and they let him off on almost all of the charges with one year of probation. While we understand there is his story, her story, and the truth we 100% believe his ex-girlfriend about what happened. Earlier this week I received a message from now his current ex-girlfriend voicing that she was both scared for her life and that of other women and sent me a ton of information about my adult stepsons predatorial actions. It included written statements from young women that he had both sexually and physically abused in the past and her own statement about his current drug use, violence, and abuse to her. She included screenshots from Twitter accounts calling out my stepson's predatorial actions which means a simple Google search results and the ability to see these allegations. They don't live in the same state, but we do know that he went to visit her last week in Virginia.
My stepson I was born in it addict mother who took her life while he was a small child, my husband then was in a relationship that was abusive and then married his ex-wife who made my stepson's life a living hell and made him the scapegoat as soon as they had their “our” child my teenage stepdaughter. My husband has mentioned that he believes his ex-wife would have been only happy if his son would have killed himself. My adult stepson spent years in therapy after a few incidents that brought up concern as a young teen. I am by no means making excuses for his heinous actions.
As he is not my child, I'm able to look at all of this at a very critical eye and I believe these young women, my heart breaks as I read the accounting of what occurred. I know that she came to us as his parents and needing us to do something. I don't know what to do or how to best be there for my husband who is completely shattered that his adult son keeps messing up. I told him last night that even though I know this is his son I do hope these girls come forward because I don't want him to hurt any other young women. My stepson is 25 and lives in the city and we are not sure that we can reach him in a way that would be beneficial, but we also don't have enough information to potentially report him. We both we're disappointed that the court did not hold him accountable for his actions last year and let him off so easily. It's not my place to have this discussion with him and we have reached out to his ex-girlfriend to see what she is comfortable with us doing as she voiced that she was scared for her own life by no means would we put her in a situation where she is in danger. I do not know the extent of the abuse or any threats that have been made to her.
I'm completely devastated and 100% believe allegations because they're all consistent and none of these girls know each other. As someone who has been abused and raped in my life I was a complte mess when reading these reports. Of course I want him to have to deal with the consequences of his actions, if he was my son I would most likely report him or encourage the women coming to me to report him. I sit here wondering if every new girlfriend of his (he is a good looking, charming musician) which he has a new one every few weeks has dealt with his abuse.
More information this morning
found more sharing of information this morning via Twitter. They called him out on Instagram and he closed his Instagram page which makes me believe that he is now very much aware of these women's reports. My husband does not believe that we will get any truth from him if we have some sort of intervention.
Nothing you can do.
You need to disengage from this and let your DH deal with his son. First step is for your DH to get counseling on how to deal with his son's criminality.
If you are contacted by any women who have criminal claims then your only response is to offer a sympathetic statement and tell them you fully support them contacting law enforcement right away and encourage them to report it. That's the only thing you can do.
Don't allow yourself to get too involved directly with victims as it may come back and bite you, big time. The women can say they all contacted you and you did nothing.
As I mentioned it is not my
As I mentioned it is not my place to do anything about this. But seeing as I was the member of his family contacted I feel like I should do something. My SS is close to his grandmother, my MIL and the last time he got himself in trouble I removed myself and let my husband and MIL alone go deal with him, bail him out of jail and try to get him to explain what happened. Problems with him came long before I was in the picture. The now ex-GF also mentioned his violence has increased with the use of cocaine, yet another issue.
There really is nothing you
There really is nothing you can do, except validate the ex-GF and encourage her to come forward. Also don't support your DH if he plans to help SS financially, etc.
To me it sounds like your SS was traumatized by the actions of his former stepmother, which your DH allowed to happen by staying with her instead of protecting his son. He likely feels some guilt about that, but shouldn't deal with that by trying to rescue his son from consequences. Childhood trauma or not, he's become dangerous.
The only thing good I can say
The only thing good I can say is that my DH is not blinded by both his mistakes and his sons actions. He is 100% blaming himself, as I imagine any parent whose child screws up like this does. I believe that my SS hates women due to the ones he had in his life,but he pretends to be a good person. The letter painted him as a monster and both my DH and I agree that is what this is, he is a predator. telling DH last night that I hope these young women report him, I know it's his son but he cannot be allowed to continue to hurt people.
My husband made some bad decisions when raising his son, one was that he chose his ex-wife and daughter over his son a few years back and that really hit my SS hard. He was 18 moved in to his grandparents house until he was able to get his own place. My husband will tell you this is his biggest regret when it comes to decisions he made.
It's all so bad!
It is terrible, I'm sorry.
It is terrible, I'm sorry. Glad your SD is doing better at least.
I wholeheartedly agree. I'm
I wholeheartedly agree. I'm not sure why she would even sent these things to you. Even if you were his mother, what did she expect you would be able to do about his transgressions? If she contacts you again, tell her to report these things to the authorities who can actually do something about it.
She mentioned that "he needs
She mentioned that "he needs help" well I dont think he is going to just allow us to get him help.
Im so sorry you are going through this!
As someone who has been a victom of sexual assualt - it must be very triggering and horrible reading about all this.
I hope he gets locked up soon and rots in jail, but apparently (as we have seen in the news recently) charm and all that gets you out of a lot...
I am not an excuse guy when
I am not an excuse guy when it comes to the behavioral POS that your SS is. I am not even a reason guy. His choices to abuse this pregnant woman need total confrontation and he has no place in the lives of quality and decent people including your DH, etc.... This POS's past, childhood abuse, etc, etc, etc... is neither justification nor a reason for his crap to be impacting the lives of good people.
Family or not. A POS is a POS. Shit on one's shoe is scraped off on the nearest curb, do the same with this POS.
smh
Most people would agree.
Although innocent until proven guilty, if this guy is abusing women and if his own father believes he is a "monster" and a "predator" then why continue to maintain any kind of contact? I would be done.
I also wonder at potential legal liability at some point for Rising and her DH. They have been contacted by victim(s) of what is occurring. There may be consequences if they do not have proof they told victims to report it immediately or report the information to law enforcement themselves. Of course everyone is innocent until guilty, and the women could be making up stories. But that is for authorities to figure out.
Knowing what Rising knows, if she does nothing it may come back to bite her. It may not be criminal but a civil case may crop up. What is a "reasonable" response if a person is advised on more than one occasion that a family member is committing crimes. There is an e-trail that her and her DH have been notified. Could future victims say you knew something and did nothing? Even if it doesn't rise to the level of a legal case, the court of public opinion can slam the gavel pretty hard.
I don't really know the legal answers but if I were Rising I'd be consulting a lawyer just in case.
This seems to be pretty evidentiary in my book:
"...Earlier this week I received a message from now his current ex-girlfriend voicing that she was both scared for her life and that of other women and sent me a ton of information about my adult stepsons predatorial actions. It included written statements from young women that he had both sexually and physically abused in the past and her own statement about his current drug use, violence, and abuse to her. She included screenshots from Twitter accounts calling out my stepson's predatorial actions which means a simple Google search results and the ability to see these allegations."
I don't think they have any
I don't think they have any legal culpability just because the ex GF told her that. Her SS is an adult and it's up to the victim to file charges. They can't force SS to get help and they can't file charges themselves on her behalf. They aren't harboring him, or obstructing an investigation or anything.
Upon a quick second look...
...Rising, I think you and your DH need to consult an attorney.
Based on the Gabby Petito case all over the news, there is increased focus on what Brian Laundrie's parents knew and did/didn't do. While a murder is most heinous, sexual assault and battery are also felonies. Which is what your SS is accused of.
Here is a quote from an article about Laundrie's parents:
[Attorney] said there’s a federal statute that does not consider a parental relationship if someone helps conceal a crime.
“Where you’re aware of a crime and you do your best to cover it up, or you don’t report it. That could be a federal crime in and of itself,” he said.
I think that's apples and
I think that's apples and oranges. They know he killed her and harbored and protected him. The victim in that case is dead and unable to report it. In this case, the victim herself is not reporting it and may not want to. A lot of women choose not to report these crimes or file charges when they come to light. Also, the Laundrie family likely had the perpetrator say he killed someone. In OP's case, they don't even know if these allegations are true.
Breaking news...and a cautionary tale.
As I was typing this, the following news flash:
"Frank Figliuzzi, a former assistant director for counterintelligence at the FBI, predicted that Brian Laundrie’s parents will soon be summoned to a grand jury.
“I would expect that to happen momentarily, see them in front of a grand jury, and then if they are not going to cooperate, they can get charged with contempt or obstruction,” Figliuzzi said. “There is no parental-child privilege, and I actually thought, by now, we would see them summoned to the grand jury. We now have an indictment, it’s a federal case.”
I think all STalkers who have criminal adult skids should take this as a cautionary tale. I don't care how much Guilty Daddy/Mommy syndrome your spouse has regarding their kid. If they are protecting or covering up their crimes, they can, and will, be called out on it at some point - and YOU will be dragged into it.
SHit parents... are ... well
Shit parents... are ... well ... SHIT!
Sadly, a beautiful young woman has died because of the SHIT that these parents are, and other young women have suffered for the same reasons.
The parents of these young women need to take steps to insure that the SHIT parents never have the opportunity to breed again or facilitate their SHIT gene pool progeny from either hurting anyone else, or procreating and perpetrating the SHIT that they all are.
Grrrrr!
Thank you everyone.
Thank you everyone.
Some other things I just remembered! He is currently on probation due to the limited charges that ended up as "continued without finding" and that means he left the state last week to go see his girlfriend, I am 100% certain that a stipulation in his probation is that he is not allowed to leave the state without the courts permission.
Would I be overstepping if I replied to the reporter this information? I don't know what to do with this information. I feel like I don't have any information outside of these girls stating he was abusive, such as details. I am by no means trying to protect him, I believe these girls.
My DH is trying to think if the best step is to confront his son that we know about these allegations, but he will just lie as he has before.
You should report him to his
You should report him to his probation office/officer. He has probably broken his probation.
Another thing you should do is alert his current girlfriend that he's about to turn up on her doorstep so that she can get a restraining order or adequate protection because in your OP, you wrote:
" I received a message from now his current ex-girlfriend voicing that she was both scared for her life "
I am trying to locate his
I am trying to locate his docket Information from this most recent court case. I want to see who is supervising his probation but this may be the way to report "indirectly"
P.S. we have very little
P.S. we have very little interactions with his son. We see him a few times per year so he doesn't have that sort of relationship with his dad. Thats why this is so complicated. My DH stated that this girl told us, his parents to have us act on it but we feel we need more information.
If it looks, smells and barks like a dog…..
It's a dog.
Report it.
RIsing, did you even read what I wrote?
It's not complicated. I don't understand why you are continuing to play amateur sleuth regarding this criminal.
You need to provide the information you have to authorities - meaning, both SS's parole officer AND law enforcement.
You need to provide the information you have to authorities - meaning, both SS's parole officer AND law enforcement.
You need to provide the information you have to authorities - meaning, both SS's parole officer AND law enforcement.
There. I repeated it three times in case you didn't get it the first time. It's not up to you to try and figure out what is true, what isn't and what your SS is up to. That is what law enforcement is for - they have the resources to do so, NOT YOU.
If you don't do the right thing (report this to authorities) you will have to live with the consequences your entire life.
I think she should tell the
I think she should tell the PO, but what if the victim doesn't want it reported to the police? What if it causes him to kill the victim? What if the victim gets so stressed out by fear of what will happen that she kills herself?Personally, I think it should be up to the victim whether or not she files charges. The justice system does not always protect victims of crimes like this. Lots of women are killed after pressing charges and with a restraining order in their hands. Don't take away her control in this matter.
I asked the girlfriend if a)
I asked the girlfriend if a) she was currently safe b) showed sympathy for what occured, even apoligized in place of my SS. c) asked her what she was comfortable with us doing with that informaiton. She never responded.
it's not really my fault that a girl who I don't even know her real name came to me because she met me once, thought i was someone she could talk to an then sent me a message. When I responded I received nothing, almost a week ago. She lives 800 miles from my SS, it was a Long Distance thing. I don't have enough information and we certainly didn't want to risk her to retaliation for reporting.
please help me Judgy McJudgy.
please help me Judgy McJudgy. Who is his probation officer? What is the girls first and last name? where in Virginia does she live. I need more information, plan and simple. See, no help right. Easy when you are not in that place to tell people what to do.
And the fact that you think
And the fact that you think law enforcement will do anything with this, most crimes are not solved by law enforcement. Especially the extremly toxic law enforcement world with over 40% of police have a documented domestic violence cases. They don't care and unless she specially stated she wanted me to report it I cannot do anything without more information. She stated he needs help, the only ask out of her original message was that he needs help.
Right. The law about having
Right. The law about having to report a crime is if you observe one or have first hand knowledge of a crime, you don't. You only have allegations made by someone that may or may not be true. The police can't go arrest him based on what you tell them she said. And if not reporting that makes you legally culpable, every person who heard domestic violence through their wall and didn't call police would be culpable, and they aren't.
What Brian Laundrie's parents have done is completely different. They likely heard him admit to murder and are protecting him.
We would never cover for my
We would never cover for my SS. He also wouldn't admit to any wrong doing which makes it harder. When he was arrested in 2019 we heard one story from him and 10 stories from others. We believed the victium but my SS is possibly pathological with lies and pretends to be a good person (all which breaks my heart for my DH)
OK.
1. Please site a reputable source where it is claimed "40% of police have documented domestic violence."
2. Please list reputable sources which state "most crimes are not solved by law enforcement."
Your blanket statement "extremely toxic law enforcement world" shows that you are not credible. Therefore, not much else you say about this situation is credible either. I'm out.
And how many people have
And how many people have monkeys that fly out of their butts? 40% of police officers are documented to have perpetrated domestic violence? Lol! If there is a bullshit card to play, it should be played on this bullshit.
What is a fact is that a crime that is not reported, has a 0% chance of being solved.