Skids good qualities?
Does anyone's skids have any good qualities I can look out for in my own sd? Any little thing nothing major because she doesn't have any of those kind, sweet, smart, funny, cute etc. But some obscure thing that I can use as a building block to try?
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My SD 8 is very detail
My SD 8 is very detail oriented. We watched the iron giant last night and she picked up a detail about the ending immediately.
Both of my step daughters love animals and know how to be kind to them. Giving space when needed for my SIL shy cat and being gentle
I haven't read your past blogs yet but a major good thing is growth and changes in behavior. Ive seen my step kids be total beasts and they've grown so much in a year because we as a couple set rules and boundaries. They don't have that with their mother and frankly the youngest treats her mother like dirt and she accepts it. You can't change someone but if you and your partner are a united front it makes a world of difference.
Edit : just read the gum story. I noticed you didn't say anything about your DH. How did he react to that? Here even at 6and 8 that would have been a major talking to and loss of games. If he isn't punishing shit behavior then that's likely why you see nothing good in the kid.
Thanks
They did lose iPads but only for the weekend because they went back to their mums and although both of them like to think they're sooooo good at coparenting they are defo parallel parenting instead. I think a lot of the time he wants them to want to come here because there's no set days and it's a free for all if they don't want to come they don't and then he won't see them. Maybe your right about it being his fault too he says he doesn't notice things like I do but I feel like that's kind of his job to notice things. Like over weekend sd13 was swearing loads in front of the other kids. I said stop swearing and he just looked at her like was she swearing I didn't even notice.
My SD has always respected
My SD has always respected how clean I like the house. She cleans up perfectly if she's had breakfast or lunch by herself. Never leaves things laying around. She keeps her room clean, makes her bed first thing ( I pushed for that at the beginning). She's polite. And one thing I am very impressed about- she never looks at her phone when we are out to eat. She gets good grades.
My SD
I cannot stand my SD59 for real and valid reasons I won't go into here. She has been awful since I met her at age 10. But you asked for any positive traits you can build on. My SD is exceptionally clean. She is a wonderful housekeeper. She is very loyal to people she loves. She is good with animals. She is sensitive. She wants to be generous. She is open to new people and experiences.
I hope that helps.
My SS10 is a soft-hearted
My SS10 is a soft-hearted child. He is kind aside from normal sibling/peer moments. He is eager to please and wants to like everyone. He is not malicious in anything he does and he is thoughtful when it comes to presents and gifts. Of course he gets wrapped up in preteen attitudes and sibling jealousy but what kid doesn't have those moments. He is smart and thinks logically about most things.
(Keep in mind me and DH have been raising him primarily since before he was one, so naturally he is more of a reflection of our parenting in comparison to some of the skids on here who are a reflection of their high conflict mother's parenting; I am told through the grapevine that his stepdad thinks hes a little shit and his own mother thinks he's like a "girl" aka sensitive)
Obscure ones I can think of
Polite- Does she say thank you or please?
good eater- my SKs are pretty good eaters. The one was crazy picky as a kid but a lot better now. The other will try almost anything.
good hygiene- does she take a bath, brush teeth, use deodorant without you having to nag and nag?
good sleeper- I don't take this for granted as they were awful when little. Still pretty bad and weird about it. Does she sleep through the night? Go to bed at a decent time and wake up at a decent time. No weird things you have to do or a million things you have to buy so that she will sleep in her room.
not a complainer or 2 faced- my SKs will have the best time and we can take them somewhere or do something amazing or fun with them. They will STILL find something negative to say or complain to their mom about. Have fun here than act like they had the worst time to their mom. It's super annoying so your lucky if SD doesn't do it.
Quiet- my 1 SK talks non stop. Sometimes I just want some quiet. Lol
probably others. Those are just some random ones I can think of for you
I’m back
Sorry for late reply. Uk based and kids are back at school tomorrow so been one of those days. Thank you for the replies.
My sd10 is defo not polite I'm sure she doesn't know the word please.
Won't eat anything but chicken nuggets and (plain) spaghetti and cheese and she never uses a knife and fork for anything.
I'm sure she has never brushed her hair in her life thankfully has really short hair. needs to be nagged about bathing and teeth and wears clothes that haven't been washed in months stained T-shirt's that are too big like men's small and leggings half way up her legs. (Any clothes we buy her go to her mothers and never come back)
we went to my friends not so long ago and the kids were playing upstairs my friend wondered out loud why the tv was so loud and what were they watching because of the sirens on it. It turned out to be my sd10s voice. I laughed so hard I nearly peed. So defo not quiet either.
every week she comes something is messed or wrecked. On purpose or because she's just clumsy and won't clean up after herself I don't know. This weekend was shampoo all over bathroom floor. other week it was chewing gum on shelves in her bedroom. Breaking glasses, key rings, my dustpan and plates just this year.
She doesn't seem to sleep that much but doesn't come into bedroom on a night time. Or in my bedroom at all so I suppose that's a good trait.
she doesn't talk about school or friends or anywhere she's been/things she's done. She's not interested in any sport, tv programmes, games, her sole purpose of coming here seems to be to either disappear for hours on her iPad or following my Dh round saying "my daddy" like some weird wind up doll. She doesn't seem to have any interests at all. When she speaks she contradicts herself in the same sentence eg. "Cows are my favourite animal but I don't really like cows" she doesn't have anything interesting to say about anything nor does she have any hobby's or interests that I can try to relate to.
I asked my dd10 what she liked most about my sd10 in between asking about everyone else and she said "she's nice sometimes" I also asked what my sd10 was into at the minute and she said "I don't know nothing she doesn't really talk about anything" however the girl doesn't ever shut up for a minute.