I need help.  The SD19 will send a xmas gift without fail, it's because she doesn't want to look like she doesn't have basic manners.  Albeit she does.  It's like something that side of the family does to make appearances look good, but in reality there's so much shit going on.  My husband will see the gift and think "wow look at my kids trying"... They aren't..... I am at a point, I want no contact, when I didn't hear from them for several months I felt so much happier, like a weight lifted.  I am now at a place where I don't want to have a formal "I am not talking to you inconsiderate young adults furthermore" but I want to just gently ghost.  The older SD23 likes me but I really don't enjoy her company, she is very immature and inconsiderate and I tolerate her personality but I'm just a really giving person so I naturally want to help her mature and try to have patience with her, but I'm just kinda at this point where I'm over it.  She is the scapegoat of a narcissist mother and I feel bad for her but I'm not mother Teresa plus I have my own LO and the skids just drain me.  Over the arguments with my SO and done with dealing with the SDs obliviousness and rude behaviors. So my question is how do I disengage to a point where they stop trying to keep appearances with me?  I've told them to their face of how they come across and or being, how at one point I wanted to have a better relationship with them but they didn't care, so bah humbug over it.  I feel guilty wanting to disengage from the eldest especially, but I feel like it's almost the same type of feeling you get when you see some at risk youth elsewhere, you feel bad but you know you can't really do anything so you move on and don't donate that $25 cents a day lol.  I just feel like they are products of their narcissistic mother and the "hero" in me wants to try and help not just for them but also for my DH, but then the other part of my brain goes off and says it's above you now, move on.  So yes question how do we cut off all contact gently? And how do we get past this disengagement guilt?  Do husbands ever actually become truly empathetic with their wives who are SM?