A nice pop to the mouth works for me....

It really should have been handled in the moment, by you. I would not go to spouse about this as I'm sure nothing will be done since you are here on this board.

Disengage for now. The very next time it happens, I would do the following

Get right in her face and calmly but strongly say
"You will NOT speak to me like that in MY house. Make no mistake, I run this shit. The very next time you disrespect me like that, you will no longer be welcome here. Don't think for one second you will be saved by your parent. Remember, MY HOUSE. Now get out of my presence and stay away from me"

Yes I have this memorized for my own purposes.

Does SD live with ya'll full time. Because if she was over just for the weekend I would load her ass in the car and take her home. If she lives with you full time. I would march my butt into to her room and start taking all the electronics out of there and tell her she can sit in there till DH gets home.
Tell her what Alwaysanxiouse said,

You will NOT speak to me like that in MY house. Make no mistake, I run this shit. The very next time you disrespect me like that, you will no longer be welcome here. Don't think for one second you will be saved by your parent. Remember, MY HOUSE. Now get out of my presence and stay away from me"

Then let DH handle it from there. Tell him that you will not for any reason put up with SD back talking you in your home period.

I think I might be tempted to say something along the lines of, "Fuck you, you nasty little bitch". But then again I'm in a bad mood today.

I would have popped her in the mouth took away everything that she holds dear and made her sit in a chair in the most boring room in the house and stare at a wall with nothing on it for hours... after i told her what AA said. If SO had a problem with it i would probably leave there is NO WAY IN HELL a kid is going to talk to me like that!!

Honestly, we would all love to "pop her in the mouth" But you just can't in the real world. She would have your ass landed in jail for assault so fast your head would spin.

Alwaysanxious has the best advise. Use words to make her head spin and cut her off. Parents of badly behaved children often have such a lowered standard of behavior, that they will reinstate priviledges after a kid just has one good hour. Hold out long and hard.

The cell phone service is the very first line of defense I use when my kids piss me off. Usually, it's if they don't answer their phone or call me back within five minutes. Nothing gets their attention like cutting the phone.

If her mom has allowed her to behave like this, disengaging from her mom may work wonders too. Behavior like this doesn't develop overnight.

Is it wrong that I sometimes wish my SD13 or SS11 would say something like that (although I'm sure it won't be long with SD13), just so I could justify throwing their asses out to live with their BF permanently?

That would have been my reaction, but sounds like the BF abroad makes that not possible. Good luck with the little bitch.

If this smart mouth kid was visiting----returned to her home immediately. No return with out an appology.

I would probably have looked her in the eye and said in a low pitched strong tone "are you talking to me?" This usually works on my kids when they are being mouthy and they usually say no to which i reply in a menacing tone "you better not have been" in the event that your SD had said yes I would have asked if she knew what a faggot was, correct me if i'm wrong but i believe the definition of a faggot is a bundle of sticks?? I realise that its also a derogatory name for gay man, however, i would have used the sticks to take the insult out of her comment and the wind out of her sails!

I'd smack her with my dictionary.

A faggot is a pile of sticks.

Tell her if she's going to insult you to at least do it right

It's best to handle things like an adult.  Give her a suitable punishment, with your spouse backing you (this is important.  Because if your spouse doesn't support you, then any punishment you dole out will be meaningless.)

This thread is over 5 years old. Ijs

Divorce her dad and marry someone who doesnt have bratty kids that talk and act this way.

"You just made the biggest mistake of your life.  You are going to regret that for LONG time."

And then I would make her life MISERABLE from that day on. No swear words, no physical violence, no abuse.  Just mental torture and ZERO extras.

Holy shittt! My hubby would not tolerate that. If her father allows her to speak to you like that I'd leave. Unbelievable. Either way you have to make it known to her that's not how she treats YOU. If hubby isn't stepping up you need to and if he has an issue with it then I'd leave. For sure. 

Oh h*ll no! I will not be spoken to that way in my house. Husband would have to do something and if I didn't get an acceptable to me apology either she would be gone or I would. I can put up with a lot but not that.

This thread is from 2012. Just saying