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Looking for Peer Support when SOS

step-out's picture

Submitted by step-out on Thu, 04/22/2021 - 11:38am

You all have heard my story about SD26.. I am disengaged, but not in my mind and body. SS24 comes to visit in a few weeks, and I will be around him. He's a great kid, but ultimately supports his sis. MIL probably does too, but plays both sides. I will have to be around all of them, some of them quite soon and I NEED someone I can text. I do not have kids or family here to support me when in these situations. DH becomes anxious and doesn't support me well when around his spawns. Is anyone willing to be "text support" - why are there no in person/Zoom groups for this type of thing? You all are my people, as usual, any and all comments are welcomed! Thank you in advance. 

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lieutenant_dad's picture

Submitted by lieutenant_dad on Thu, 04/22/2021 - 12:10pm

Wouldn't it be great if all stepparents should be issued a veteran stepparent at marriage to act as a sponsor and mentor?

OP, when this family reunion happens, don't be afraid to walk away if they start in on a topic that makes you out to be the bad guy OR is uncomfortable. "Oh, I should go clean the kitchen" or "Oh no, emergency text message from work!" should suffice. 

In regards to your DH, I think it's entirely fair to tell him that you expect him to moderate discussions and redirect them if they get out of hand. If he can't do that, then tell him you'll be scarce. He has to find a balance between loving his family and protecting you from their BS.

step-out's picture

Submitted by step-out on Thu, 04/22/2021 - 12:51pm

Lieutenant_dad, you definately get it! You should start this group. I always like your advice. *acute*

Merry's picture

Submitted by Merry on Thu, 04/22/2021 - 12:37pm

Here's one thing that worked for DH and me. Like you, I would get anxious prior to visits and did not look forward to them. I still don't look forward to them.

DH and I agreed that we'd just check in with the other periodically. So, every half hour or so, I'll find him or he'll find me and we just smile or touch or he'll ask if I need a drink refresh (which is always yes), or we use a code word if things are not going well. It works in all situations--DH hates my work events so it's not JUST his kids when we do this. Somehow that makes it about taking care of each other rather than focussing on his kids.