I refuse to spoil and enable
My DH, gets so beyond upset because I refuse to spoil nor enable my SS10. I find it quite comical, at this point, therefore- I ignore his rants.
Shituation: SS10 expressed he wants to stay home tomorrow, during DH visitation, while he works, I have to work too, my daughter16 is home but I pro
ised her we would go shopping for a new mattress before I go to work at 1pm.
DH: SS10, asked to stay home while I go to work is that ok?
Me: that's fine but I promised BD16 I would take her mattress shopping before I go to work, he can come with.
DH: why can't SS10 stay when you do that?
ME: well... he's 10 and he's too young to stay home alone and because BM allowed it, at one point, she's mentioned he's not responsible to be home alone. Therefore he can't get what he wants, because he says he wants to stay! He can come with me and when we are done I'll drop SS10 and BD16 off at home before I got to work and they can be home and it will be fine!
DH: I don't know why you talk about SS like that I never say anything about BD like that and it pisses me off that he can't stay!
Me: well I'm sorry, but just because he wants something doesn't mean he can get what he wants! He is 10, not 16,17, nor 18! He's not responsible to stay home alone and I will not enable that. It's just 1 store and if you feel he can't handle that then take him with you. But clearly it's all about him and I'm just suppose to just not be the adult cause you feel he is one, but it's my house, my rules, and if you don't like it then take him- he's your son not mine- he's your responsibility anyways! God! Grow up, stop being an enabler!
DH: (abruptly walks away and clearly not gonna speak to me)
oh well! I'm not playing that type of nonsense! If BM doesn't want him alone what makes him think I'm gonna allow him to stay alone in my home!
Jeezus lord- pls take the wheel cause DH needs a reality check! (Rolling my eyes)
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Simple answer
Next time just say no.
A simple "no" would have been
A simple "no" would have been sufficient, but then I would get asked "why", therefore my elaboration and my reason of "why" was given. It seems easy but to DH it's not when it comes to SS
I hate parents who can't say no to their kids
He is too young to stay home alone, you shouldn't be comfortable with letting him stay home alone. What's the big deal? The big deal is your DH never wants to say "No" to his child.
The parents and the adults know what's best for a minor child and letting him stay home alone isn't best so there is a very good reason for saying NO.
If DH is not careful he will raise a spoilt and entitled child and no one likes such people. In the real world people dont always get what they want and they learn to make peace with that. Kids should be prepared for the real world. Tough love is needed to raise strong adults.
I am the “No”
I agree 100%. He has to be the "cool dad" and therefore I'm the evil "no, stepmom". He is setting his child up for failure because of it. I watch time over time and when it happens- I'm not responsible for him or SS.
Welp, last time you let SS10
Welp, last time you let SS10 stay home with you when DH goes to work. DH sounds like he's not much more mature than a 10-year-old himself. Here you are offering to take SS off his hands, but it's not good enough. That would be the very last time I agreed to keep him while DH was at work.
I don't ever offer to watch
I don't ever offer to watch him anymore, because of many reasons and that just so happened to be one of them. He feels that I should spoil and let him do whatever he wants, just like he does. Which I won't and dont. Now, don't get me wrong, it's not like his child is under some type of caged leadership, but I limit his screen time, I make sure he has done his homework, and he cleans his room. I feed him and let him do whatever after all that is done. If I have to go running around he comes with me or us (if I take DD16 with me). Majority of the time they both end getting stuff while we are out: (example: clothes if we shop, maybe a toy or something he likes if at a store outside of clothing). But always stop to grab a bite on the way home and they all eat. So it's not like it's evil stepmom ruling the country. It's just a normal day. DH must think I have to baby him like he does. The thing is when I'm with him I make him do what a 10y/o is suppose to vs spoiling him. Like picking up after himself, don't be a slob and leave things everywhere, throw your garbage away, wash your hands before and after meals. Typical skills a 10y/o "should know. But this one doesn't- he's so use to having it all done for him by DH, therefore when he's with me it's like asking him to walk on water like Jesus did! Lolol
In the end I was being nice offering my help, he doesn't want it. Ok, take him.
There is no way I would have
There is no way I would have left DS home alone at 10. He did not have the maturity level to be trusted. Your DH does sound like a man child who requires parenting as much as SS.
It's been proven time and
It's been proven time and time again, he is not to be trusted. BM makes a strong point to DH he is a slob, lazy and irresponsible. Therefore is his own biological mother says he cannot be trusted and etc., does that mean he magically required trust, responsibility and etc prior to entering my home?!? HELL NO! Those things still apply, and therefore I won't leave him alone. He doesn't even watch the dogs and how simple is that to do. He doesn't let them out nor feed them. Somethings so minimal and simple he can't or doesn't even do. Therefore where on earth does DH get that "I'm", ME, for that matter am going to trust SS10 alone in my home while I'm gone, if his own mother doesn't want home alone?!? Lmfao! DH got me all messed up cause I know I'm not dumb.
DH can and did take him to work and for that he learned a lesson, that I won't allow what he feels I'm suppose to because I'm not his son's responsibility. He is.
I would have said "fine" to
I would have said "fine" to DH and left it at that then today just say "ok SS get ready because we have to go to the store". And let DH find out after the fact
You are absolutely right, I
You are absolutely right, I should have said that. I'm sure DH would have gotten a text full from SS, as to why he wasn't able to stay home, but I would not have cared. What is DH gonna do- he's working and I would have been at work to not get his little rant of why DIDNT I allow SS to get what he wanted.
My thing is why am I not trust to care for your child, I mean after all I have a 16y/o well rounded, respect, responsible and well manner daughter- that I raised on my own. I mean after all she's made it this far and hasn't become a menace to society, lol!!!
At this point, I stopped doing the most for SS10 and even stopped majority of communication with him because I can't be apart of the upbringing of this child because DH wants to raise a spoiled and enable spawn. I'm not gonna be apart of that. I'm happy to continue to raise my child respectable young adult and help her in her process of growth. I'll sit back and observe the menace they raise and watch how it's gonna come back to them, in the long run. I won't even be the person who said "I told you so". I will just laugh because he has to deal with that.
Great! DH has given you a
Great! DH has given you a justifiable reason now for you to be able henceforth to be able to immediately decline any and allllll requests for your help when it comes to ss. Don't get into discussing it or negotiating, I would just say "no thanks...the last time I offered to help out I got unfairly blasted, so from now on don't even ask as I don't appreciated being spoken to and treated like that..."