Dh's "SD" is having the kid
Dh's "SD" (daughter of a former GF) is having her kid today. This is the same one who gave her kid up at 8 months old a few years ago after trying to stay with us and get us to take him overnight at 1 month old. Dh let me know she's having him today. I reminded him of how I feel about her because I want no illusions or him expecting me pretend I get along with her. I let him know she's a headache to me and he goes "well she isn't to me." I asked him why then when she called at one point he goes (before picking up "what do you want, ____?") He says he doesn't remember saying that. I told him it just sounds to me like he doesn't want to admit that she can be a heacache to him.
I reacted and said what I did because I want the chances of being roped in for daycare services to a minimum-also let DH know that there is a reason I didn't have kids in my 40's. And it wasn't so i'd be stuck as a drop-in daycare center, especially for an "SD" of Dh's who showed zero interest in me until she wanted favors then had the audacity to take over my mothers day and I had to go out of my own home all day to avoid her.
Any suggestions for keeping a distance would be appreciated. Thanks!
Hang in there
I know what you mean. I have purposely kept a distance from my SGD's kids for the same reason. It doesnt feel natural to not have a connection with 2 little boys but it would be way too easy to dump them on us, she has a shaky relationship with her SO and her mom , SD, is a big time flake. I've already had 3 SKs dumped on me, no thanks, I'm done. Just feeling where you are at, I hope it works out.
I would absolutely let him
I would absolutely let him know that you will NOT babysit. If he wants to, he can go to her place and watch the baby.
If he agrees to watch the baby in your home, you do NOTHING, it's all on him.
Why would your DH be involved
Why would your DH be involved in any way with his XSD having a child after she abandoned her first child?
smh
Too bad she was not spayed after the first one. If my SS's SpermIdiot had been neutered after his first episode of statutory rape breeding a whole lot of kids would have been saved from being cursed with his shallow and polluted gene pool.
Keep up your own protection and have nothing to do with this whole thing. Regardless of what your DH chooses.
I did point out to him that
I did point out to him that she didn't even take care of the one she had when I found out.. And he goes "lots of people give a baby up for adoption then have a kid later." How would you have responded to that?
Duplicate
Duplicate
What do you mean by duplicate
What do you mean by duplicate?
I posted the same thing twice
I posted the same thing twice and edited the one labeled Duplicate. You cannot delete once you save but you can edit.
I would point out the details
I would point out the details that led to the adoption. THen point out what behaviors she was perpetrating before the last baby that she is still perpetrating.
Past behavior being the best predictor of future behavior and all.
Parents of idiot spawn and abused dogs have a lot in common. They both keep crawling back to the source of their pain with their tails tucked between their legs in some forelorn hope that the abuser will catch a clue and spontaneously become a good person. That happens so rarely that it barely deserves mention. Yet... going back for more heartbreak seems to be the default.
I'd be direct. "So you are
I'd be direct. "So you are clear, I'm not watching her kid."
Her giving her first child up
Her giving her first child up for adoption is irrelevant. You don't like her and don't want to spend your time babysitting her kid. End of story.
You don't even need a reason, the answer is, "No."
To me it is very relevant. It
To me it is very relevant. It's one of several reasons I don't like her and if she'd figured out from the start that she didn't want to be a parent we would've never dealt with her trying to move in with us or keep a one month old kid overnight. I agree that we don't owe an explanation.
Don't you think it was better
Don't you think it was better for the baby that she gave him up?
Even so, like you said, there are several reasons that you don't like her.
She should've given him up
She should've given him up when he was first born. It wan't fair to him to let him get attached to her for 8 months then suddenly be ripped from her-thus I don't see why you feel it's irrelevant. Yes there are several reasons-all of which are relevant.