You are not one big happy family
I read a post in a parenting group today from a stepmom whose SD is an only child, but her and DH have 3 other kids. She was going on and on about all the sacrifices she made to BM to keep the peace because she believed tbey were all on the same team. Gave up her religion, had weekly phone calls with BM to discuss how she wanted things to be for SD. Things we all know are way too much. Then she writes that she feels like an idiot because she's realized when she's asked BM for a little in return, she won't budge. And no they AREN'T all on the same team. I had sympathy for this, but then I read in a comment that she had taken financially from her bio kids to support SD in the way BM expected. The SD went to a private school and the other kids couldn't because they could only afford to send SD! No no no. If BM wants to send SD she can pay for it. On top of this, they had been paying CS to BM the whole time even though SD lived with them.
Another possibly funny anecdote about "one big happy blended family" - BM here, her ex fiance and his BM used to all do the whole "we're one team thing." Everything together for the kid. BM and the fiance have since broken up, but apparently the ex fiances BM is pregnant again. Idk who the dad is, but if its the dad is the ex fiance again I'm going to laugh. Really hard.
Don't be a sucker, people. Even if you're on the same team for awhile, at some point you're going to have conflicting interests with the ex.
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You mean the foursomes with
You mean the foursomes with matching t-shirts at sporting events aren't all besties in the end?!
Barf.
I really hope that trend is
I really hope that trend is over soon. I'm sorry for thr reality that there's not always a picture perfect happy ending, and the truth is having kids with the wrong person is always going to be a less than ideal situation. How about we teach our kids to be resilient with the hand they were dealt and do the best possible in the given situation instead of pretending it's a fairytale?
Truth
Im on a few Facebook Groups for step parents and I will see this "happy blended family" thing. Its especially apparent when there are engagement announcements and wedding posts. Those always seem to me to be sort of a "before picture", then I just wonder about the posts where the step mother and BM are "besties" and hugging each other with big grins.
Nope, this whole "we are on the same team" thing is just a big lie. We cannot possibly be on the same team. The issues that broke up the family with children didnt just disappear. I think it is rare when there is a very amicable separation where everyone is friends with healthy boundaries...
I would venture to say it
I would venture to say it doesn't exist. If you've moved on maybe you can be cordial to eachother, but why would you want to take it beyond that if you have a fulfilling life already outside of your ex? I saw another one where the ex was best friends with the new wife and was planning parts of their honeymoon for them - uh pretty sure thats not a selfless thing and she wasn't able to let go so she was still involving herself in an "innocent" way or living vicariously through her BFF
Also, I wonder as far as the
Also, I wonder as far as the wedding things how much of it is because there's an audience sitting there and judging how they handle it.
I was naive in the beginning
I was naive in the beginning but, even when things were cool I never took BM up on her offers to "hang out."
I remember one time I dropped skids off at her house and she was like oh come in and have a beer.... yeah no I'm good thanks. Which was funny because SO had never been inside her house but she had me come in. She had been with her now husband about 2 years maybe..? When I met SO.
My first real Christmas with SO (started seeing him Nov. 2015 so Christmas 2016) that's when I really saw the true colors coming out. I was keeping my distant for sure at that point and the arguments with SO we're starting....
Now look at where we are haha.
I was naive in the beginning
Dup
I was naive, too
In SD59's turbulent teens, BM and I spoke by phone several times trying to stay ahead of the situation. Silly me, I thought we both wanted the best for SD and I thought I was relieving DH who was extremely busy at work. This was over a period of several months....until I heard she had distorted some of the things I'd said to make me look bad to the SKs. No more discussions with BM. DH handled all contact with her ever after.
I have friends who are amicable
I have friends who are amicable with their exes. Some of their issues didn't end at the divorce but they do their best to keep the kids out of disagreements. They don't vacation together or hang out with their new husbands/wives, but they will always be polite and some do sit together at the kids events (no matching tshirts). Most of their kids are 50/50 time, and the kids are just normal kids. No crazy behavior, no playing the parents off each other (they tried that early on and mom and dad put a stop to it), just pretty well adjusted kids.
Unfortunately for those of us who are here, that's just a pipe dream. I've never had any illusions of being on the same team since BM ceased contact the day I met the skids.
I am content my exH stays
I am content my exH stays out of my business and I stay out of his.
Since SOs ex is. HCBM I encourage him to do the same. Unfortunately SKs have inherited BMs dramatic flare and know how to wrile SO up by making things up that go on at BMs house to distract SO from focusing on their behavior at our house.
SO falls for it every time and can't help but to confront BM. Not that Thier aren't issues at BMs but they have always been there. BM is never going to change, the kids aren't in imminent danger. So what's the point of having a useless argument with BM which will lead to her engaging in narcissistic rage against SO.
The couple situations I'm
The couple situations I'm aware of where there's this sense of comraderie and teamwork with the BM are where it was the BM who cheated and wanted the divorce, and her DH tucked his tail between his legs and was happy for her, so the divorce was on BM's terms completely.