So SS17 and I haven't talked in about a year and a half. He left to live with his mom, where there are no rules and she openly says she just gives him what he wants because she can't handle him, can't handle his anger when he doesn't get his way. When he does come here, everyone is uncomfortable. The other Skids act like they aren't allowed to talk to us in his presence. It's awkward. So it's better when he won't come here, a spell that was broken at Christmas.

We always have a special meal on New Years Day. This year we told the Skids they could each have a friend over to eat with us. Then they start asking for more, as kids will do.

SS16: Can I have two friends? Um, OK.

SD15: Can my friends stay the night? Two friends times two Skids = 4 sleepover guests...um, OK.

SS16: Can SS17 come? Ugh...well, he's never been told he can't come here.

SD15: Can SS17 bring a friend too? DH wisely said he'd talk directly to SS17 about that.

We don't even know if SS17 wants to come. I hope he doesn't. But his friends? No way. They're all delinquent thugs. I don't want them in my house. And with all this social distancing stuff, we're pushing it by letting the other Skids have multiple guests. Two Skids quickly became nine people, up to three of whom I don't want here, even under normal circumstances.

So now DH will have to be proactive and talk to SS17 about this. He doesn't respond well to questions, so things like "Are you coming?" and "Who are you thinking of bringing?" will undoubtedly be a fight. Maybe that's the answer. Ask a few simple questions, which any normal person would, and it'll piss him off so much he'll boycott this too. We don't even know if he would want to come. It's very possible his sibs just want to include their brother, and didn't talk to him before asking for stuff on his behalf.  But I want to know if he's coming and, if so, exactly who he might bring. And then navigate possibly saying no, without getting the other Skids caught up in the whole thing. We're just not going to have that conversation, with the other Skids as a go-between.

*sigh*
For a simple meal. It shouldn't have to be this hard.

On the upside, this whole thing prompted a good conversation with DH. I know it's been hard for him. He loves his son, even though the kid's an ass by every definition. So I try not to just bitch about the kid, so I don't say much. SS17 has been gone by choice, so we've been able to back burner a lot of this. But his coming here for Christmas opened a door that I'd enjoyed having shut. So I was pleasantly surprised that DH was having the same response I am, to the prospect of SS17 bringing his friends here. I told DH, back when SS17 got caught dealing, I believe he picked a fight with me on purpose, so he'd be able to distract everyone with how awful I am. Never mind that I'm a felon, mom, look over here instead...Dad, I hate your wife, and that's what we're all going to talk about now...I didn't realize DH saw right through that at the time.  I told DH that SS17 didn't want to live here because he can't run us like he runs his mom, and he agreed with that too. I told DH I didn't believe for a second that he dealt drugs but didn't use them, and DH agreed. I told DH it was possible SS17 was still dealing, and I suspected he's still using. He agreed. I told DH I think this whole made up conflict with me is really about avoiding the people (us) who would spot it if he is still dealing/using. He agreed. 
 

I think things were so volatile when it all went down, we didn't talk about it like we should have. I felt like I was being attacked (which I was). He felt like he was caught between us, and trying to keep his relationships with both of us together. When forced to choose (by SS17) he chose me, but it was hard. We're more on the same page than I realized. I thought he just didn't want to admit what his son is.