OT and petty - Institutional sexism
I'm feeling petty today so this is driving me crazy.
Does anyone know why the banks where I have a joint account with DH insist on addressing their correspondence to DH in the first instance?
All the letters are address to Mr DH First Name Last Name & Ms TAS First Name Last Name.
It drives me nuts. I have primary relationship with the bank where we have our joint current account. DH was added to one of my existing accounts and suddenly all the correspondence has him as the key contract. I've just reapplied for new mortgage using ONLY my details and the bank is writing to DH as the key contact.
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That would drive me nuts!
That would drive me nuts! Writing to your DH for something that you have applied to ... hmm ... I think I'd give them a call and ask them if sexual discrimination is customary in their institution (do they have a problem communicating with women? Do they think a woman needs her husband's permission?). Then ask them if they often contact random clients to discuss other clients' business. Finally ask them if they want to lose your business ...
As for the order the names are given on letters - where I live it's considered to be bad form to put a man's name before a woman's :)
Makes me feel less insane
Your outrage has cheered me up. I'll have to contact them to complain and let you know how it goes.
The only problem is that I don't want to have to reapply with another bank for a mortgage so I can't really threaten to move my business. My credit score is great but where I live the detailed checks of your finances take ages if you go to a new institution. Plus you have to give them 6 months of banking transactions which they then interogate you about. Last time we did this I had to spend a full phone call explaining to some muppet why I paid the amount I did in home insurance. They wanted me to justify every penny I spent even though I live well within my means.
Ouch!
Ouch!
I would most definitely
I would most definitely complain about their incompetence - when one person contacts you and they respond to another is gross incompetence in my book. How do you know they don't get loads of people mixed up if they're not capable of addressing the right person? Ask them how they can ensure the safety and integrity of your accounts :) It's time they realized that women and theire husbands are two entirely different people.
Huh. I didn't change my name
Huh. I didn't change my name and I never noticed that, but now that you say it, I think mine do that, too. I'll have to check.
I didn't change my name
I didn't change my name either but they persist on doing this.
You've just reminded me that my MIL insists on writing to us as Mr & Mrs DH when I've been really clear to everyone that its Mr DH and Ms TASM. I find this so rude.
My MIL does that too, but we
My MIL does that too, but we rarely see her and I'm not sure she even knows. I hate the Mr and Mrs DH's First and Last Name. Ugh, so archaic. My 86-year-old mother even hates that.
I know
I know, it drives me nuts. Don't get me started on when my DH got his first masters degree. She went on and on about how I now had a Master in the house. Finally I told her there had always been a master as I had gotten my post grad degree years ago. I should just ignore her rather then fall for the bait. I never mention that I have an MA normally outside of a job appoication.
My Dad used to address our
My Dad used to address our letters to our firstnames - no family names involved at all (I often wondered if it wasn't to avoid confusion for him if and when we got married...).
In fact, he once addressed a small parcel to us addressed to
MyFirstname HisFirstname
TownName
Country
Nothing else (not even a postal code!) and it got here! Did I mention that we have a wonderful postman?
I hate that
My bank did the same. I had to school our financial advisor on that behavior as well. It's a micro aggression to keep us in our "place".
That is just proper formal
That is just proper formal correspondence.
I understand why is irks some people but it never bothered me.
It is improper
To neglect to properly address your primary customer. Norms are changing and business should adapt to those norms.
Those things should change
Those things should change with the times - women are often equal or even primary breadwinners, so the man shouldn't be put first, the main customer should.
You've also said you prefer being a "traditional" wife, so it makes sense it wouldn't bother you.
That seems intentional, as in
That seems intentional, as in their system or process is set up to put "Mr." first. Anything that I am primary and DH is secondary on comes as "Lt. Dad and DH". My assumption would be that whatever mail merge system that is used by those companies where I'm primary have it set up where the primary name goes first and the secondary name goes second.
OP, I'd be equally annoyed. It's not petty IMO. Petty would be if you were upset that it said "Ms." instead of "Mrs." because "Ms." is the neutral prefix. But when you are the primary client who actually brought in a new client to a business, only to be purposefully relegated to secondary (because, again, somewhere, someone set up the system to put a male name or Mr. first), it's a slap in the face. ESPECIALLY from a financial institution since that is still an area with pretty rampant sexism and inequality (for both women and men).
That's my thought too--it's a
That's my thought too--it's a systems issue. The "husband" field is the primary field. And that institutionalized assumption that the man is always primary when it comes to finances is worse than a local, ignorant decision. Wouldn't want to bother a pretty woman's head with that kind of thing.
If my DH were in charge of finances at my house I'd be in bankruptcy court regularly.
I'd be complaining about it too.
I agree with you both
It is probably a system/progamming thing that always puts Mr before Mrs/Miss/Ms. I'm still going to complain.
I'd be mad about the Mrs. too
I'd be mad about the Mrs. too! I didn't change my last name and I know that sometimes I'll get called Mrs. DH's last name (just as he gets called Mr. Tog's Last Name sometimes), but Ms. (or nothing in front of the name) should be the default nowadays, and let those who like Mrs. change it to what they want, instead of vice versa.
Agree
Nothing riled me more than getting mail addressed to Mil Rank & Mrs last name when DH was active duty, as if I was nothing more than appendage to his career. I am my own person apart from him. I prefer my initials with no prefix.
I have had this happen to me
I have had this happen to me too. I always complain. I even went to renew a term deposit at one point and luckily noticed that my name had been left off the joint account as it was renewed.
I was young when women could
I was young when women could finally apply for a credit card OR open a bank account all by herself for the very first time. I remember accounts were only in my dads name.
. If you were expecting a baby,,chances were you may be fired from your job. No eeoc law suits--no complaints to HR. Just . Flat out fired. Saying NO to your husband if they wanted sex---forget about it.
Imagine that.
Having my Husbands name before mine means nothing to me. Having grown up in the era I did, it does not trigger me either. Who cares.
It has nothing to do with
It has nothing to do with sexism.... it's simply because alphabetically, Mr comes before both Ms or Mrs
For same sex partners, it then defaults to the next name.
Mr A Mr B... never Ms B Ms A