SS attitude needs to change or he can leave
First time poster, long time reader.
SS17 lives with my partner & I. I really dislike this child. He is a clone of BM.
The way he goes about his actions really grinds my gears and the flow in effect of how his father deals with it doesn’t help either.
Basically I am left out of any decision involving him in the household because, as my partner puts it, he SS17 doesn’t want to talk to me. Well too fucking bad my dear - my name is on the lease too and you moved into our home because you had issues with your mom.
SS17 asked his father via text message if he could have a friend stay over last night. His father said it wasn’t up to just him. SS17 response was well she better not say no because I’m bored. I did say no but only because he left it till very last minute, we already had commitments and he has been told many times to plan things better. He had been reminded earlier in the week to plan something too. His father told him that it was a no.
This created a massive attitude in which things were smashed in his room.
His father told him to cut it out, that it wasn’t up to us to entertain him and that his attitude won’t be tolerated. He called an Uber and left to go to his cousins house. He hasn’t been back since.
I spoke to my partner about it today. I explained that I don’t like how things that affect the household aren’t discussed as a group and that I am made out to be the bad guy, scape goat all the time. His response was you two can sort it out, I’m not getting in the middle anymore.
I’ve had enough of his son. I do a lot for him and around the home for everyone and to be referred to as “she”, I find very disrespectful and rude. I honestly believe he thinks his dad does all the nice little helpful things around here for him and I just sit in the corner sullen plotting his moving out party. He always plays the victim, has never apologised to me for his behaviour, never says thank you. Blergh.
He’s a brat who doesn’t know anything but video games. Doesn’t think or consider how he could help out to make other peoples lives easier. We have been trying to teach him life skills to help him launch but it is just a waste of bloody time.
How am I supposed to live in my house with someone like this? I understand he is young and his brain is still developing but I don’t think I have the patience or care anymore.
If this was a share house situation I would be looking at moving out. I also wouldn’t go out of my way to interact with them.
His response was you two can
His response was you two can sort it out, I’m not getting in the middle anymore.
Sorry, Buddy, but this is your son to deal with, you are not in the middle of anything.
Had my SD (now, 29) had EVER disrespected me, her ass would have been in a world of hurt and she knew it. She did not disrespect adults, period.
Stop doing anything for him, and if your partner wants to be an ass, stop doing anything for him, as well.
What these half-assed parents don't seem to realize, is that who their kid is really disrespecting, is them. I may not have always like my dad's wife but I had enough respect for my dad, his household, and his marriage, to show her respect. I also wasn't stupid and didn't necessarily want to be booted out on my ass the minute I turned 18.
Consequences are a bitch. Kid continues to disrespect you, there are consequences. His dad doesn't want to do anything about his kid disrespecting you, there are consequences.
Yep, same in my house with my
Yep, same in my house with my SS. OP's DH is more than willing to let her be the bad guy so he doesn't have to parent his kid.
I'd think of kicking them both out, personally.
"SO, it's real simple. Either
"SO, it's real simple. Either SS lives here or I do, but not both. You better sort out either making him an agreeable person to live with or you're leaving with him. It's NOT my job to do YOUR parenting. His crap attitude is YOUR problem to fix. So fix it or go elsewhere because I am DONE."
You are making it too easy for your SO to wiggle out of this. He's wrong. Tell him he's wrong. Tell him the consequences for being wrong and STICK TO THEM. If he leaves because he wants to allow his son to mistreat others and break things and dictate his life, so be it. Better that he go be alone than for you to have crap hurled at you just for existing.
He refers you as “she”
I have been married to my husband for 6 years and ss22.5 calls me "stranger" he even told his dad he can shun me, emotionally abuse me and our 2 kids because we are strangers.
my 2 kids are hubbys bio kids too. Sd's were told by bio mum i was daddy's slutty christian whore despite her having an affair and stealing a married man whilst still married to my husband... oh the friggin hypocrisy there!!
my husband lost ot with ss when he called me a stranger and said "thats my wife and mother of 2 of my kids, your half siblings" ss just shrugged his body
So he has returned home...
And i am ignoring him. He has not apologised. He is just a piece of fluff floating in the air. I don't care anymore. He is acting like nothing happened.
Stop doing anything for the skid
No laundry, no cooking, no shopping for nice snacks or drinks. You do nothing! Save your money and your sanity.
Oh and Christmas is coming. You don't buy gifts for a**h***s. And you don't help your partner with this either.
This is on top of all the great advise you have had from earlier posters who told you to push the problem back to where it belongs with your partner.
You do have a DH problem
He is the one making it a circus. He not letting you have any control of your home, he letting SS disrecept you.
Disengage from SS totally. Don't let SS back in your home until he apologizes to you.
Tell DH that SS must respect you and your home
A 17yo, at least ones with
A 17yo, at least ones with decent parents, is not a child. He is a young man and needs to be held accountable for his crappy choices. He left, change the locks, and keep he gone. He can return when he has apologized and when he addresses his behaviors. Make the new locks programmable so you can delete his code when he pulls his crap again.
Zero tollerance works. Inform DH that the kid does not return until he has clarity and if he does return his place in YOUR home is minute by minute based on his behavioral choices.
Then enforce those standards.
Good luck.
((((HUGS)))))
((((HUGS)))))
You have a few decisions to make. Sorry your having to deal with this.
Thanks for all your comments
In my gut I am so angry but at the same time I am numb. I have decided to disengage. He no longer appeals nor exists to me. I did not acknowledge him last night and will continue to do the same. I found it filled me with a sense of calmness ignoring him.
He has lived with us for just over 1 year, majority of his parenting coming from BM who withheld the children out of spite & to gain max financial gain.
I am disgusted at the fact he doesn't think his behaviour was out of line and therefore has not apologised to the household. This is a trait not taught to him by BM. My partner and I have been trying to instil good manners and morals in him but it's just a waste of time honestly, this kid thinks he knows it all.
I love the comment above stating that by disrespecting me he is disrespecting his father
I have never felt so disrespected, you think you can walk back in here acting like YOU did nothing wrong? Learn how to apologise, even if you don't think you may have done something wrong, if you have hurt someone you need to suck it up and say sorry.Start packing because as soon as you have your licence you're gone. Unfortunately playing the victim card is exactly what BM does and he will learn the hard way when he does it to someone else. He is a dickhead.
should mention I have a 13 week old too - you got Buckley's chance of interacting with him too now. He doesn't need your bullshit.
blergh, i am raging but I will not let him know that it is affecting me. I will not let him win the little shit.
also don't know why I'm surprised - he disrespected his Aunty the other week, made her cry. Joked about it when he told us what happened. We told him that's not how we speak to people plus this is your Aunty and you like staying over there but I wouldn't be surprised if you aren't allowed anymore. SS response "nah she's ok, we're alright". Useless fucking spawn.