ADHD but dad in denial???
Hi Guys, I'm new here and found this site after looking for advice online.
My stepson is 4 and lives with us majority of the time. He's always been "hyperactive" but over the last 6 months I feel his behaviours are more noticeable.
he runs around screaming, trying to fight all the other older kids all the time, has no fear, struggles to focus on anything apart from computer games, that's the only thing he'll sit still for (we restrict this before anyone comments!) he doesn't listen, can't even take him shopping.
His dad is in complete denial. I keep telling him he needs to speak to his teacher as it's unfair on the child but all he says is "oh is the new thing you're going to keep going on about now"
his mum has ADHD, he's sensitive to sugar, didn't sleep for the first 3 years of his life, it's so obvious.
why won't he address it??
it's so hard as I have to care for him but I can't contact his teacher as it's none of my business.
Stop agreeing to care for him
Stop agreeing to care for him if his father won't address his behavioral issues. And if DH ever dismissed me with a comment like "oh it's the latest thing you are going on about," I'd reconsider him.
Doesn't sound like his father
Doesn't sound like his father is much involved... It's so much easier to stick his head in the sand and hope everything sorts itself out... Only it doesn't. Time he stopped being so damn lazy about his son. So stop doing anything for the child. Put the entire responsibility back where it belongs, on his father's shoulders. Stop caring. Leave, if necessary. This is not your battle to finish.
How did he manage before you came on the scene?
Sounds to me like the kid is
Sounds to me like the kid is feral due to lack of discipline and/or is acting out to gain attention (from his hands off dad).
I have to disagree with the
I have to disagree with the "hands off" dad. He's very good with him, fought long and hard to make sure he was safe with us.
We've had problems with his older daughter also? Mum doesn't discipline her so she's a nightmare. Yet I'm made out to be the bad guy by the mum!
I feel like I haven't got the energy for it anymore. Has anyone ever lived separately as a blended family?
Why/how are you made out to
Why/how are you made out to be the bad guy if dad is not hands off? If he is doing the dad work - parenting: ensuring teeth are brushed, bathing happens, clothes clean, chores getting done, healthy food consumed, discipline when necessary...etc.
Does your husband take charge when the kid is running around being naughty?
So what kind of discipline is
So what kind of discipline is his father using? I ask, because it's obviously not working. Maybe time to try something else?
About not being able to take him shopping - does he like going shopping? My (high energy twin) daughters adored going shopping, especially grocery shopping (go figure!) and what worked with them was me "setting the bar". Before we left the house, I told them where we were going and how I expected them to behave. Any transgressions would result in us immediately leaving the shop and there being punishment once we got home. I'd then repeat this in the car park before we went into the shop and asked "are we in agreement about this?" The answer was always "yes". I never had to leave the shop nor dole out punishment at home afterwards. I don't know whether they behaved because they'd "given their word" or whether they feared what the punishment might be and I don't care either! It worked!
Being hands off is not a bad thing - it puts all the responsability back on the father (maybe that would light a fire under him to have his son screened?). Being hands on implies you're doing at least some of the parents work... Your choice but worth thinking about.
Because no matter what I do I
Because no matter what I do I get slated. Whether I'm hands on or hands off everyone has got something to say!
We know you are venting
You are in a impossible way of life. His dad in complete denial does not help. He wanted to be the primary parent. He must step up and parent. Not hand it off to you. There no reason for you to parent this kid. You did not your choice to make him, not your choice to let him run wild.