The fear, lying and paranoia are not traits of people on the Autism Spectrum.

The lying and trouble with friends could be the ADHD - maybe he has an anxiety disorder as well?

Yes! He is 12 now. I knew the day I met him there was something without even being told about adhd diagnosis. He has signs of asd and spd. I mentioned to dad several times over the years. One time i brought it up and he snapped WELL I THINK YOURE WRONG....right disney dad, im a teacher for 20 years but ive no clue. Never mentioned it again. Let the kid grow up without help like my aunt & uncle did with my underdiagnosed cousin who is over 30 and clueless how to adult.

L.O.B.

Lack

Of

Belt

My 13SS is on the spectrum with adhd and exhibits schizophrenic behaviors.  He lies, delusional, and hallucinates.  I think half his lies comes from being delusional and the other half is from the inability to be responsible/accountable.  He takes narcissism to a whole new level. He is frequently trying to touch his sisters inappropriately and we have had problem in the past with him trying to get his sisters to fondle him.  

I think he has psychotic episodes as he will go on homicidal and suicidal rants. He will go into detail how he is going to kill his sisters and talk about killing my dog in a flat tone.  His psychologist said this is normal autistic behavior and to pay it no mind but suggested he be put on an antipsychotic which she had been pushing for him to be on for years.  

And don't get me started on how manipulative he is. I'm the only female family member that he doesn't regress into acting like a 5 year old to get attention and sympathy.  He cries victim all the time but he is often the bully and instigator.  And he is a killjoy and can suck the life out of a room.

After all that...ASD kid here that lies...all.the.time. Whether he can actually control it or not, only him and god knows.

I'm not cut out for a kid like this. He is the golden child for MIL and BM but I feel like my house is a psych ward when he is here. 

My stepson is also on the spectrum with ADHD.

He lies (for both ridiculous big and small things) constantly and he has all the social awkwardness. (I get that, the socially awkardness is really not something he aksed for, it is just how it is on the spectrum) 

With that said, when I first start living with my husband and the boy, it struck me with his lying behavior. After all, tons of Internet articles all said ASD people can't lie. (that itself is a lie, all humans lie. come on lol) Then I discovered from a thread where people discussed about PDA (stands for Pathological Demand Avoidance), which is like a subset under the spectrum.

Currently it is still not written within the DSM so there is no way to be "formally diagnosed" with this subset condition (yet. Because there are people signing petition to get this to be written to the DSM). But there is a support community in UK that has helped me a lot: https://www.pdasociety.org.uk/.

And yes it is on them when they decided to act manipulative, whether they know that their behavior is considered manipulative or not. My SS still tries to cry in order to gain my sympathy sometimes. With that I just simply told him that it won't work when he is the one at fault and the only way to build a relationship with me is to own that fault and move on to fix it. 

Sometimes what's obvious to us is not always obvious to them. It's indeed tiring working with them, you just have to keep giving them benefit of doubt. :/