What BM play is this?
What do you guys think?
SD12 won't sleep at our house...has maybe 3 times in the last 2.5 years but will vacation with us no problem...BM has caused this and loves it...DH drives her back to BMs at night......just a little back story refresher..
current situation....SD12 has a best friend...she wants her to sleep over....the friends parents know that BM is an alcoholic so friend isn't allowed at BMs. SD asked if friend can sleep over our house Friday night (not a skid weekend technically) and we said yes....friends parents said yes.....SD is excited....
skid days this week are Wednesday and Thursday...so DH gets a text last night from SD that she will be sleeping over our house from Wednesday to Sunday.......
what do you all think? I say BM is pissed and trying to get SD to cancel her sleep over by telling her she has to stay with us for 5 nights in a row.....knowing she would never in a million years do it.
Some BMs want to be needed
Some BMs want to be needed and this is why they infantilize their children and teach them to only want to be with them. It's mostly insecurity on BMs part. As for the vacation thing my SD was the same before we had the baby. BM used to message my husband and tell him he was not treating SD well enough and he should do more special things with her. Basically she wanted DH to chase and try to woo SD like he was a guy trying to date her. Take her on vacations, out on dates, eat out every meal... The same things BM expects from a man. She was vicariously living through SD and teaching her that men are only good for transactional relationships. Visitation is now mostly on SDs terms and she will only come if it's a "party" or another special occasion.
BM doesn't want her to
BM doesn't want her to vacation with us either....she tries to keep her from going but it never works.
Are you sure SD should be
Are you sure SD should be having a friend spend the night with an active staph infection? That stuff is super contagious and can kill people. Personally I would say no, but your DH is an idiot and allows his kids to be raised by a raging alcoholic so I'm sure he's fine with whatever SD wants.
She's been on oral and
She's been on oral and topical antibiotics for a week now.
i agree with that...I know he's an idiot......I've probably said it here more than anyone LOL.
i was trying to get a feel on what BM is thinking....someone who doesn't want her kid to sleep at our house is now telling her she has to say for 5 days over a 1 night sleep over....
If she was drunk she probably
If she was drunk she probably did it not fully grasping what SD was saying to her. When she sobers up and SD reminds her about it she will tell her no.
That is definitely possible.
That is definitely possible. That's how most things go.
cant plan on anything because it changes daily....grrrr
That is definitely possible.
That is definitely possible. That's how most things go.
cant plan on anything because it changes daily....grrrr
I personally wouldn't let
I personally wouldn't let SD12 sleep over only when it's fun for her and refuse the rest of the time. DH is just as much a part of this problem as BM is.
I do totally agree. Jury is
I do totally agree. Jury is still out if this will even happen.....rarely does a plan with skids ever go like it's supposed to.
DH is the MOST to blame for the situation.....while BM May have caused it...DH sat back and let it happen so I put 80 percent of the blame on him. I realize that all skid and BM issues are 80-90 percent DHs fault.
SD12 just slept over this past Friday night.....but refused to stay Saturday.....it's really all just weird.
I agree. The kids don't
I agree. The kids don't decide the schedule. I don't see how kids can respect parents who let them do this. This is how my SO's life turned to a shitshow. The parent whose house the child wants to be at feels like they finally "won" and encourages it. If the other doesn't put their foot down and demand they stick to the schedule, it goes on and the problem worsens. Both parents are somewhat at fault, one for being manipulative and controlling and the other for not standing up to them. I think it hurts the kids, too. They don't learn how to follow rules if they get catered to, and they miss out on time with their parent. For all my ex's faults, he still has things to teach the kids and they would have missed that if i had done like they wanted at one time and not sent them back to their dad's because they got in trouble there. Kids who go uncorrected can turn into intolerable little sh!ts.
Could be that BM tolf SD she
Could be that BM tolf SD she has to stay for five days hoping SD would back out of her sleepover, but SD is breaking out of her chains from BM and is actually okay with that idea so that she can see her friend. Doesn't mean she's doing it because she misses her dad, but she may be getting to an age where she's tired of BM's BS interfering with her life. Basically, BM's game backfired, but now you're dealing with an SD who may or may not care about either parent, only what benefits her.
I think this is accurate. SD
I think this is accurate. SD is getting an older and I can even tell she is getting tired of her moms BS.
This is definitely my thought
This is definitely my thought too. I'm guessing BM will have regrets either just before or the first night she spends with you and will find a way to get her to come home.
Your DH is playing BM games
Your DH must take control of his life. He should have a CO. He must go by the letter of the CO. He must insist on his parenting time. Not let BM and SK control everything.
He does have a court order,
He does have a court order, it's very very detailed just has never been followed....other than the CS of course!!!