Complex question for all you Intelligent people
Well maybe not to complex BUT I can't figure it out so figured I'd ask here. Here goes...Please read whole thing.
SS13 is this rotten, spoiled, Entitled, rude brat with zero manners. SS13 has NO PROBLEM having a full blown complete two year old crying temper tantrum if he can't get his way with DH or even hit DH if SS is pissed enough. BUT will tip toe or avoid certain Subjects with DH. What do I mean?
For one DH and I plan on moving 8 hrs away in 5 years. SS13 knows this and I KNOW it bothers SS13 but DH does not. If I talk about the move around SS13 and DH is not around SS13 will come right out and tell me he's sick of us talking about the move and to stop talking about it. Around DH SS never says anything negative about the move.
DH and I support one side of the Political party and SS sides with DH UNLESS SS is alone with me and I say something about the political party then SS Disagrees(honestly I feel he feels this way).
So one could say how sweet SS13 feels he can open up and be honest with you. DEAD WRONG. Yes I do feel SS is being "honest" with me BUT it's not because of warm fuzzy feelings he has for me.
SO I guess I have two questions
1. WHY does a spoiled rotten brat think NOTHING of yelling/swearing/crying meltdown at DH over doing homework, bedtime, getting of video games BUT feel the need to lie/go along and not tell DH how he REALLY feels over us moving or our Choice of Political parties?
2. Why does SS13 who LOVES/super clingy with DH but is Jealous and spiteful of me pick me to be honest with how he really feels about these things? Again it's NOT like SS and I have some sort of Special bond.
SS knows he can push your
SS knows he can push your buttons. I dont think its about him being honest to you or not ,,, he is simply picking and choosing how to wind you up and cause arguments. He simply knows that he can piss you off with certain things and they will go out of thier way to do so. my ex SS13 would do the same all the time
Is this the "d"h who lets you
Is this the "d"h who lets you clean after you work long shifts st the hospital? The kid isn't your biggest problem here. I wouldn't engage w him to just Grey rock him.
Meltdowns are a thing kids do
Meltdowns are a thing kids do for a variety of reasons, including to "get their way" or relieve stress. It's a thing kids do (and even adults, though we tend to be less tantrum-meltdown and more "cry in the shower").
The move and politics might be actual things he cares about, and is afraid if he shares his views that DH will actually dislike him. Or, he's just trying to wind you up. Or, he has been taught that being respectful means you don't question what adults think/do, but he has no respect for you so he doesn't care about the disrespect.
But, I agree with the above poster that SS is the least of your problems. Your DH isn't much of a darling if you're working on the front lines in healthcare while also being a housewife so he can sit on his backside. You also see how he would rather fight with BM than raise his kids to be upstanding adults. If you want to know why SS acts the way he does, look no further than the man who is raising him who shows little respect towards you.
Yes DH was a ass and told him so
After the fact DH did help out more thank god. Guess I just needed to push back more.
Regarding SS13. No he was never taught to respect adults. SS13 has NO problem Swearing and even hitting DH over minor things so one would think SS would have no fear of telling DH he does NOT Support his political opinions or the move.
Yes SS could be just Disagreeing with me when DH is not around to be a little ass BUT I can tell when DH talks about these things it bothers SS. DH does not see it because I really Focus in on SS's reaction when DH is talking to see what SS says/does.
So it probably is SS is afraid to tell DH his true feelings BUT why is SS NOT afraid to Swear and hit DH?
It's two sides of the same
It's two sides of the same coin. He wants love, approval and attention. He knows behaving in different ways in different situations will get him these things. My guess is you husband tries to calm him when he throws a tantrum rather than react negatively? This is a cry for attention and affection.
Meanwhile hiding his true feelings and agreeing with him on moving and politics is based on him feeling insecure and wanting daddy's approval. He probably gets positive reactions when he agrees. My SD does the same, she agrees with everything DH says, basically paying him lip service so he acts like he is so proud of her for agreeing.
SS doesnt do the same for you because he doesn't seek your love, approval or attention.
Exactly. It's manipulative.
Exactly. It's manipulative. SS wants your DH to believe he agrees with him on important topics. DH doesn't question this because he assumes SS thinks like him because it's his son and it makes DH proud. It's basically manipulation on SS's part and denial on DH's part.
My issue with this whole
My issue with this whole situation remains the same no matter how many times it is presented with a minor caveat.
Why harp on something that is 5 years in the future and in all likelihood won't happen anyway?
The best layed plans of mice and men.... after all
I get that this kid is a PITA and usually I am not one to coddle ill behaved spawn, however, you continually try to find understanding regarding this kid's crap regarding a fantasy that is so far in the future that entirely doesn't matter.
As for the kid confiding in you Vs his father. He is at an age where kids rarely tie issues together and... he is likely playing and manipulating you.
You torture him with the 5 year in the future fantasy knowing it bothers him, he tortures you any way he can.
Be ready for the "What, you're not gone yet?" Snark from him when your 5yr plan passes.
Pushing buttons
I think its simply a way to push you, any way he can. In his little teenager brain, hes thinking that he can set you off.
SDnow21 used to do this to...everyone. Even if it didnt work, she keep pusing those buttons.
Definitely pushing your
Definitely pushing your buttons.
i don't quite understand talking about a move that is 5 years away in front of the kid.
i also plan to move when skids are out of high school......I don't ever mention it. I mean I have mentioned to my own kids that when they are grown I would like to live somewhere else but skids aren't really normal.....so it would be drama to ever mention it to them.
Maybe
Try not reacting. I read when my bio kids were little to leave the room when fits happen. It works because it's no fun having a fit without an audience.
Train him that his behavior gets no response whatsoever.
A narcissist is being created. They live off creating emotions in others. Don't give him that satisfaction.