Am I being petty?
My bf of 6+ years asked me to move in with him a few weeks ago. He has a 16s that he has primary custody of. This kid is a walking billboard...literally. Spoiled, entitled and the BM encourages this behavior. My bf is a bit tougher although not much. When the kid is gone, he and I get along great.
For the past 6 months or so, his son has been driving BM's newer car instead of the 15 year old car his dad bought for him. My bf and I had been talking about how things would be if I moved in and he jokingly said I could have 5 Hill-to-die-on points. I told him I didn't want his ex's car parked there since there's a car his son can drive, I wanted the toilet lid left down, I wanted his son not to leave clothes, shoes, soda cans, etc. all over the house and I wanted his son to clean up after himself. He said he agreed.
Fast forward to yesterday and I mentioned that BM's car was still parked outside to which he replied that some would consider that petty and he wasn't going to start a battle over something petty. I reminded him that he agreed to this already and he got mad and accused me of just wanting my way. Things got a little loud and I told him that I would leave and go back to my home. I packed my stuff and left.
Question is...am I being petty? My bf is scared to tell his kid no because he's afraid the kid will want to live with BM and then he has to pay CS.
I guess I should say ex bf because I don't plan on going back. I told him I can't and won't be ok with a kid getting his way on everything.
Now you see how you would
Now you see how you would have rated had you moved in.
Everything else you asked for would have been ignored, also.
I told him I needed him to
I told him I needed him to have a backbone and stand up for me. He said he's sorry he's such a disappointment. Yeah, me too. It's frustrating when I've tried to give him advice on parenting and it goes in one ear and out the other.
Just 2 weeks ago, the kid was at BM's house and throwing a fit about coming back to dad's and he told his father to screw off in a text! WTH? His punishment? No tv for a week. No big deal because he still had his phone, computer and video games...
(No subject)
Dont move back in
Just stay in your own place especially if you have a different ideas about how kids should be raised. The teenage years with stepkids is a nightmare. They just look at you as if to say who the F are you. Especially if they been living in the same situation with the parent for awhile. Then you come in and try and make new rules. Either end the relationship or wait till they move out. Because least if you got your own place and life you got somewhere to run too. When it all gets too much. Your not stuck in someone else's mess. With no escape. Believe me there be plenty of times your want to escape.
I say good for you. You
I say good for you. You looked at the situation with eyes wide open and said nope, not for me. There's a lot of stepparents here (such as myself) who rushed into things and are now wondering how to deal with the situation they're in. It doesn't matter if your "hills to die on" were reasonable in anyone else's eyes or not. He agreed to them, and then went back on his word. It's been made very clear how your opinion will rate once you share a household. And not only that, but I think a lof of us moms can agree--it's quite imperative to have some modicum of control over how our households are ran. We are the planners of things, the ones who make things happen and so on. We don't need people who make that job harder.
My bf is scared to tell his
I totally get that it's not just about the car.
My bf is scared to tell his kid no
This won't end when kid grows up and lives on his own. There will always be a reason he is afraid to tell his son no.
He called the shots in your relationship because it's the only place he could call the shots.
That's already happened with
That's already happened with his d22. She's getting married in June and he found out a few months ago that he wasn't going to be the one who walked her down the aisle...that lucky person is his s16! I told him I didn't want to be part of the clown show and wasn't going. Did he stand up for himself??? Nope!
It was aggravating for me to watch someone I cared about get trampled and do nothing when I am the complete opposite.
That is strange. Why is she
That is strange. Why is she having her brother walk her, instead of her dad? Do they not have a good relationship?
BM is behind this completely.
BM is behind this completely. Her parents are paying for everything and the kids go along with it because they like the money that is spent on them. The wedding invitation listed BM and new husband first, then my ex and he said nothing. Not that saying anything would change the invitation...but geez man...stand up for yourself! His mom and sister have disowned his d22 because they were cut out of any wedding planning...they're firecrackers!