Disrespect
Hi. I am new to this website. I have three children from a previous marriage. My husband has one child from a previous marriage. My husband's child is 17. He just moved in with us. Since he has moved in his girlfriend stays at the house from morning until 10 or 11 oclock at night every night. One day I got home from work to find her taking a shower in my bathroom. I have tried to talk to my husband about this my husband and I had agreed before his son moved in no friends at the house while we are not home. But it seems that rule only applies to my kids not to his. I do not like the fact that his son and the sons girlfriend are at the house alone
I feel like what we do for my stepson we need to do for the other kids. If my step son is allowed to have friends over without us being here then my kids should be able to do the same.
I have witness my stepson in his bed with his girlfriend wrapped up in blankets. I have seen her ontop of him. I do not agree to this. My husband says they are 17 and let them be. However the other three kids are seeing this. My husband calls me a bible beater.
I feel like it is more of morals and setting an example for the other children.
Am I being too controlling? My husband says I am. I dont want to control my stepson.
Does SS go to school? Does he
Does SS go to school? Does he work or have extracurricular activities? Sounds like he needs to be a little busier so he doesn't just lie in bed all day with his gf. Your husband is going to be asking if his grandchild can move in too if this keeps up.
He does go to school but he
He does go to school but he does not have a job or any other activities. I feel like my husband is setting him up for failure kids will be kids. Plus I dont want my kids seeing all of that for them to say later that I let the stepson do this or that.
Does the girlfriend's parents
Does the girlfriend's parents know where she is?? Can you get them to jump in to keep them from your house? If not do the parents all want to be grandparents sooner than later??
Its your home too and you do have a say. If teenage afternoon delight is not in your wheel house then its not. Let your kids have friends over if your comfortable with it. Yes you will have fights with DH over this but he can't have it both ways. Its not as simple as you parent yours, I'll parent mine when they get to be teenagers, there has to be household rules that apply to all the kids in the home. If there isn't you will have a revolt on your hands and babies.
Get DH to a therapist who specializes in blended families. You need an outsider to help you come up with household standards for the kids, that you BOTH will support and backup with each other. Adults rule the house IMO.
Don't let him doubt your parenting or second guess your gut. Its his way of wiggling out of parenting his horny son. Stick to your guns on this one.
I dont know anything about
I dont know anything about her parents or her background even though I have asked. When she came over this morning at 9am I was told from my husband that she has bad home life. When I try to ask questions to my husband he just says I dont know.
I told.my husband that he is disrespecting me today. He says that I am too controlling and I am a bible beater.
I feel strongly about this my other children are 16, 14, and 13 and I dont know what to do. My husband is not going to respect my morals. I am not sure what to do. I know my stepson and the girlfriend heard us arguing about it tonight.
Having morals doesn't make
Having morals doesn't make you a bible thumper any more than encouraging underage teens to have sex under his roof makes him a pimp ... Tell him to think that one over.
Make sure they are using birth control
Make sure they are using birth control. This is one area where I say you have every right to get involved. Buy some condoms - the next time you see them wrapped up in a blanket, go in sit on the edge of the bed and have "the talk." Offer them the condoms. You might make them uncomfortable enough they will quit doing it at your house!
And as for differing rules - you keep on parenting your kids like you want to. If you are ok with them having friends over when no adult is home, then let them. If not, then don't let them.
Ask the girlfriend to leave
Ask the girlfriend to leave and when she turns up tell her she is not permitted to come over all day AND stay all day. Sorry not sorry.
When dh gets angry inform him you have younger kids than ss17 and its your right to protect them and its your home also, that there already 4 kids in the house already and you are not working to feed/wash another minor. Then do the above, stop defending yourself against bible bashing accusations, its better to be moral than a cheerleader for hookups!
Other option?
Leave. Your DH is an idiot to call you names when he is likely soon to be grandpa.
What are you getting from this disrespectful man? Why is he more interested in his 17 YO getting some than you and the other Children’s comfort?
I personally would have kicked SSs girlfriend out after going ballistic that she was in my personal space.
If you want this to end, you have to take a harder line. You have to make your DH more afraid of you and your wrath than of his 17 YO and his girlfriend.
I am thinking about leaving.
I am thinking about leaving. I am not sure where I can go. I sold my house uprooted my three children to a new school just to be disrespected. It makes me want to cry. We have been 2 years. I do love his stepson just like if he were my own. I would not let my own children do what he has been doing. I have not said anything to my stepson yet about it. I have tried to let my husband handle it.
Clearly your husband doesn’t want to handle it
He's happy to put you down and treat you shabbily however.
My first marriage was miserable as the years went in. But it seemed overwhelming to do anything about it, until after 17 years my ex forced my hand and I finally pulled it together and left. It's not easy to do.
But now I realize it was actually much harder on me to stay. I was physically and emotionally a wreck dealing with being so unhappy each morning I was with him.
I can't guarantee you will be happier without him and his 17 YO son. But it doesn't sound like this situation will get better. And your DH clearly doesn't respect you.
Do you have the resources to find a counselor to work through this with you? Maybe spending some time figuring out what you do want out of your life/ relationship will help.
Do you want to suffer with
Do you want to suffer with the embarrassment of a 2 year mistake or one that will last the rest of your life, has the potential to wreck havoc with your bio kids thru resentment and distance and annoyance with their mother as the watch you be disrespected over the years by this man? Stay away because your home is too chaotic as it deals with ongoing issues from SS and his poor parenting? Different parenting styles this extreme is hard to live with. What example are you setting for your half????
I told my husband that the
I told my husband that the next time the girlfriend.or stepson does something to disrespect my wishes I am going to ask her to leave My husband just told me to pack my sh!t and leave in front of his son.
I am not sure where I am going to go with my kids. I dont really have any friends or family here.
Wow. Because you want to have
Wow. Because you want to have some rules and boundaries in your home? Your husband is a jerk.
I'm sorry that you are going through this.
Call your family and go home
Call your family and friends from back home for help - then go back home. I can't believe your DH told you to move out in front of his kid. This situation is not going to get any better. Contact a lawyer and see where you stand.
Wow. You know where you stand in this family
He told you what todo. You really have no choice in this matter anymore. See a lawer and understand your rights are. Maybe he his son and GF should move out.
As soon as you walk in the
As soon as you walk in the door boot the GF out. Start motivating SS to bump ugliest with his GF at her parent's house. See how SS likes getting his ass beat by her daddy.