Husband issues
To say that I am struggling today is an understatement. The fridge wasn’t working this morning and to top it all off I got stuck in the snow on my way to work. I called him to ask for help and instead I got an earful. So naturally I hung up on him and called one of my friends to come help me. That resulted in a phone call that ended with me hanging up on him again. He then continued to harass me with mean text messages that frankly crossed the line.
Sometimes I don't even know how to breath. The weight on my lungs feels overwhelming. My stomach twist and turns, making me want to puke just so that I may feel a little better. He knows just what to say to make me feel like trash. "I hate you," or "you are such a b***h," Honestly, he has been saying this to me for so long that it no longer bothered me. I simply reply with just as much spite," I hate you too". He recently got new ammo, " I should have never married you," he knows what those 6 words can do to me. The funny thing (if there were to be anything funny about this) is that we have not been married very long. Maybe it was a mistake marrying him. The verbal abuse is overwhelming, and I am afraid to go home, simply because I don’t want to fight. Truth is when he abandons me for no other reason than him thinking that I am a bitch, I will have nothing. No home, no best friend, no marriage. Maybe this is a life lesson, one of those lessons that strips you down to nothing. He forgets what we have been through. I may be a b***h, but he is a cheater. I forgave his infidelity despite my better judgement. My downfall is that I won't give up. So, the real question is what is wrong with me? He can give up and tell me that he should have never married me after not being in a good mood, but I can forgive the unforgeable? Do I really hate myself that much? That I would think that I deserve to be with somebody like that. I love him so much, but this is ridiculous.
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Counseling for you, Stat
You know this is wrong. So rather than have a bunch of armchair counselors give you opinions, you should go to counseling yourself to figure out why you put up with this.
Follow that up with a trip to a divorce lawyer! No one should live with what you are now.
Sweety, this isn't love and
Sweety, this isn't love and your self esteem and worth are at an all time low and he's taking advantage of it. Sometimes we have to hit rock bottom but eventually you'll get back up. This isn't a healthy marriage and he's verbally, mentally and emotionally abusive. Do you have a friend, family, coworker that you can stay with temporarily so that you can leave and get on your feet?
You need to heal and work on loving you. Be kind to yourself and know that you are loved and deserve so much better than this. No one derserves this poor treatment. Please reconsider remaining in this relationship as he will only ramp things up and things will escalate.
Sending you love!
I think you should invest in
I think you should invest in some individual therapy to work through why you are willing to be treated like this. You say if he abandons you you will have no home, no best friend, no marriage. Well, if he's your best friend, you'd be better off without one. And, I dare to say, if you weren't shackled to him, you'd find a better one. Having no marriage would be better than having an abusive one, and make no mistake, this is an abusive marriage. No home? Why not? Can you not afford to live on your own? If not, is there anything preventing you from getting to a place where you can afford your own place? Home is a place where you can be comfortable. It's not just real estate. If you are afraid to go home, your home is not much of one. You'd do better on your own.
You need to get out of this abusive relationship before your abuser has you so beaten down that you don't have the strength to leave. NO ONE deserves to be treated this way.
I put up with some stupid
I put up with some stupid shit when I was your age, but I would never stay with a man who called me a bittch, said he hated me, and he wished he never would have married me. And, a cheater, to boot?
He is doing a number on your self esteem, Hon, and he will use that low self esteem to keep you tied to him (because you won't believe you deserve better), and he will keep treating you like crap.
I do think you made a mistake
I do think you made a mistake - a big one. Please get out before he starts to hit you in addition to calling you names.
Find a good therapist to help you figure out why you don't feel you deserve better.
I feel like the problem is
I feel like the problem is that I already feel so defeted and tired. I feel seclueded and like I am drowing. My biggest fear ( and he knows this) is falure. If I leave him I will be failing my family. He knows I won't say anything to anyone because of that fear. I know that if I say something there is no going back. He knows what he is doing and that is the crazy part. What is even more crazy is that I have been willing to stay quiet. I never thought that I would wake up and find myself in the spot in time.... I never thought that I would become this person that is traped. So much so, that i have resorted to talking to strangers on the internet because I am too ashamed to talk to my family or friends about what is happening.
Abusers are very good at
Abusers are very good at isolating their victims and beating down their self-esteem. Why would your family be mad at you for "failing" if they know he is abusive? Is that something he is putting into your head?
Please -find a good therapist. Call a domestic violence number and they will help you.
I don't know why they would
I don't know why they would be mad.
Is this domestic violence?
Yes. It may not be physical,
Yes. It may not be physical, YET, but it's verbal abuse, for sure.
Do you have one family member you can tell to see how they react? If you were my sister, I'd be concerned, not mad at you for failing.
It's not a failure to admit
It's not a failure to admit that you have made a mistake and to do something about it.
Would your family really want you to stay in this abusive marriage?
Don't Beat Yourself Up!
You are human, plenty of others have been there, done that.
I envision you reporting one dsy SOON that you left him and are FREE!
(((HUGS)))
My exH treated me the exact
My exH treated me the exact same way. You feel like you have know way out, but you do. Find just ONE person you can trust, that would let you move in temporarily and talk to them. Explain the situation and make a plan to get your stuff out of the house while he isn't there. If that isn't an option then contact the police station and say that you feel afraid to pack your stuff with him home and ask for a police escort (I did this, they gave me 30 minutes). If by some chance you have nobody, contact a shelter for women and explain the verbal abuse, most will glady take you in. This relationship is not going to get any better, only worse. Please trust me. Once you are out, then you need to start counseling.
You have to realize that
You have to realize that knowing you made a mistake is all about knowing who you are. That is what really matters.
I know this is going to sound
I know this is going to sound so stupid... but I don't know what to do. I am paralized. I want to go home to fix things but I know that it would be very toxic for me to do that, and that it is not the right thing to do.
I keep reading everyones comments but I feel like its not clicking, like im not making any sense of any of it. I feel like a broken record.
But thank you all for the advise. I will take it to heart.
OP - check this out and give
OP - check this out and give someone in your area a call:
https://www.violencefreecolorado.org/resources/
You're not alone ... there are
...resources & folks who can help in every county & every city in Colorado ... Confidentially.
None of us go through Life making brilliant choices every time, no matter how it may look on the outside. You made the best choice you knew how with the experience & information you had at the time.
In reality, you are free to make a different decision at any time. The only one you fail is yourself when you realize you're in a harmful situation & do nothing to help yourself.
("Wow, I didn't realize the pretty house I signed a lease on is smack dab on the San Andreas fault, has aspestos ceiling tiles & lead-based paint!")
Stuff happens. What you choose to do moving forward defines your character. {Hugs}
{Stepping off my soapbox ... }
I get that
You are so tired from trying to figure it out, manage it, keep things going that right now just slogging through things the way they are is taking every ounce of energy from you; you feel an overwhelming sense of physical weakness just thinking about the additional effort it would take to make a change, even to make a phone call.
Is there anyone you can stay with for even one night to catch a break and find that one ounce of effort you need to tell that person to start making the change? You'll probably be surprised at how much help people are willing to give you. It does get easier the more ounces of effort you put in, you start to gain energy from it.
Take it one step at a time,
Take it one step at a time, don't overwhelm yourself (that is very paralyzing). You don't have to have everything figured out, all at once.
Start with the resource that tog gave you and go from there.
Okay I hear you. You would
Okay I hear you. You would like to go go home but you know it is toxic to do that. So step back for a while and regroup. You know life is all about the ups and downs. It happens to everyone. I think you just need a break from things. Clear your head. You need to do this.
This is defintely abuse. I
This is defintely abuse. I lived this for many, many years in my 1st marriage. I was young and dumb and married at 23. 2 kids later I was a victim of his verbal and emotional abuse. My family knew NOTHING. I kept so much a secret because after awhile it felt so normal. I've been out of that marriage 20 years and there are times I still think..I can't believe I stuck around as long as I did.
When you have that feeling of not wanting to go home, that when its time to go. I lived this a long time and its seriously the worst feeling in the world.