Vacation without SS14 and my wife?
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Is it ok to take my kids D12, D8 on vacation and leave my wife and her son 14 behind? Her son my SS14 is moodie, depressed and really not fun to be around. I want to take my kid son vacation and enojoy it just wondering if it is a good move. I know wife will be pissed however I need to spend some time with my kids and her son is just difficult to deal with as he showed on few occasions when we all went on vacation. I just don't need drama and conflict.
Yes, of course, you can plan
Yes, of course, you can plan a trip with just your kids. But yes... your wife may chaffe at being excluded.. and her son as well.
Of course. IMO, divorced
Of course. IMO, divorced parents that remarried SHOULD spend some alone time with their kids. Your wife can take a trip with her son.
Of course you can! I have
Of course you can! I have always encouraged my DH to take vacations with the SSs. They go 4-5 times a year. Granted, they are mini vacations (2-4 days), but the point is that they get father/son bonding time.
Go on vacation with your child. Encourage your wife to take that time to vacation or spend quality time with her son.
I know intact families where
I know intact families where one parent takes a special trip with each kid separately. Why is this such a big deal to some people?
Intact family chiming in here!
Dh takes the kids skiing every year and I get to stay at home and have a REAL holiday! I see friends I don't often get the chance to, go to movies that I normally couldn't because of time, go to exhibitions I've been dying to see, eat food that only I enjoy, etc. (gasp - all this is going to happen in three weeks from now and I can hardly wait!).
The added bonus is that they come home happy after spending a week doing what they love and I am happy too because I was me for a week. Kids can suck the soul out of you even when they are yours.
Exactly. And in a step
Exactly. And in a step situation, why would you get jealous of a parent's need and want to spend alone time with his own kid? I too would be celebrating the empty house.
I have taken my bios on
I have taken my bios on vacation minus DH and Spawn, and let me tell you that got thrown in DH's face in court for years and years and years! Like let it go Spawn you didn't even live with us at the time and your father was working, but nope everytime DH went to court with Meth Mouth, it was brought up that me and my bios went on vacation without Spawn!
Also to answer your question yes go on vacations with your kids, and your spouse and her kid should do so as well.
I am torn on this. I think it
I am torn on this. I think it really depends on your custody schedule and what you marriage can handle.
If you have your SS all the time- I would suggest separate but similar vacations. For example, if you are looking at beach vacations, one of you go to The Outer Banks, NC the other to Myrtle Beach SC.
If you don't have SS all the time, I think you should go with your wife and your kids when SS isn't there. He doesn't have to be a part of everything. However, leaving your wife out could lead to major resentment.
The other idea I would have is go together but separate yourselves there. If you go to Disney for example, ask your wife to spend the day with SS and you will meet up at dinner. A cruise is another easy to separate while being together type vacation.
Better to plan a trip when
Better to plan a trip when your SS is with BioDad and your wife can go with you. Sure, she may be all guilt ridden over SS not being included but, point out to her how he has ruined multiple past vacations and that you will not allow that to happen again. The only way to insure that is to go on vacation without SS.
We did not have the same problem with my SS and vacations but we did have to navigate vacations when SS was on SpermLand visitation. My DW would not do anything when he was in SpermLand. Until I finally told her I would no longer miss doing things while SS was gone. We had missed several Rags' clan trips because SS was in SpermLand and we had avoided doing couple things out of DW's guilt over SS missing out.
It took a couple of years for DW to participate without being all morose abour SS's absence but eventually she learned to enjoy herself and appreciate having kid free time together. What helped was my promise to take SS on repeat trips or activities if we did something we thought he would enjoy while he was on visitation.
I don't know. It sounds like
I don't know. It sounds like a his/hers situation with the kids...no ours. Is this correct, OP?
In this case, I think it's perfectly fine. Talk to your wife. You may be shocked to discover that she dreads vacations with your kids just as much as you dread vacations with hers. Don't tell her you dread vacation with her kid...just tell her you think it would be great to get some one-on-one time with your respective kiddos. Ask her what she thinks about matching vacations...she can take her son and maybe a friend somewhere while you take your kids somewhere. Everyone wins. Or if dad is in the picture, maybe she'd want to offer him some one-on-one bonding time with his son...and she gets the house to herself...
As Aniki said above - I encouraged my DH to take his kids on solo vacations fairly regularly. Heck, I even paid for them sometimes!! Aniki and I are both childless stepmoms...and it's really nice to have the house to yourself every once in a while! My DH usually texted several times during the vacation wishing I was there...and I always texted back: "Aw...me too!" as I nestled into my fluffy blanket with my book.
Similarly, I do trips with my niece and 5 nephews at least once a year...and I do trips/outings with the individual sets of 3 kids as well and don't expect my DH to come along or take too much of an interest. Last spring I took my Ohio nephews to DC for spring break and we had an absolute blast. This past summer, I took my SC niece/nephews to the beach several times (we live pretty close...3 hours). DH supports and encourages this...he'll take these kids to a movie every once in a while or have them over to our home for a few hours, but he has no interest in overnight vacations with kids who aren't his...just like I had very little interest in overnight vacations with his kids when they were growing up (Not that I never went. We did Disney one year and Hawaii one year and I went to those...but like others have said, there's lots of opportunity for separation at resorts like that. Also did beach trips and trips to visit family. But I never really relaxed and enjoyed myself when his kids were around or when our vacation revolved around them.)
Say all this to say...I appreciate Rags' comment and the desire to include one's spouse...but this suggestion actually sounds like the worst of both worlds for your wife. Going on a kid vacation without your kid but with someone else's kids instead? Yuck. Sounds awful.
I've done it multiple times
I've done it multiple times without DH and SD. It's usually something DH doesn't want to do (like Disney, or snow sports, or beaches, or camping), and I'm adventurous. I have taken SD, if she was here, but she was younger and not as jerky towards me. So now she stays at home with DH. I'll exclude her from family vacations if they include my friends and family because she is flat out rude to them, won't talk to anyone but DH, and DH does nothing but coddle her (a 16 year old) instead of socialize with the other people around us that we traveled to see. Plus she's burned some bridges, so my family isn't exactly excited to see her either.