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OT-My beloved brother passed away last week.

Thumper's picture

Submitted by Thumper on Tue, 01/21/2020 - 10:58am

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I never felt such grief in my life as I have this past week. Loosing my brother has been gut wrenching. He really was a good guy.

He was diagnosed with cancer in 2017,  a tiny tumor that sat deeply hidden near the pancreas . So they treated it as Pancreatic cancer. And yet that was never the diagnosis.  He endured 2 solid years  of massive doses of chemo---he never lost his hair or his dignity, his laughter or gentle kind soul.

Since 2019 early spring the cancer lay dormant, hiding, pretending to show mercy--but the chemo side effects of 2 year of high dose treatments reared it's awful ugly face--ruining digestive track one of the side effects of  chemo doctors told him. 

He knew he was dying,,,he told me that he would not make it to spring 2020. He said his goodbyes one person at a time. In a similar way he treated everyone, special and unique. 3 weeks ago he still stood tall walking me to the door...  I honestly believe the death of his son from a drunk driver was the trigger of stress on his body in 2015.. He was diagnosed about 2 years following his beloved sons death. 

Now I want to believe the two of them are riding down the road with the wind in their hair, laughing...finally together. Just like they did before....

My brother looked like Clint Eastwood....even the hair, lines around his eye...This song, Gran Torino will forever remind me of him. Thanks for reading....https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F_McwBkdMh0

Rest in peace the best brother ever.

 

sandye21's picture

Submitted by sandye21 on Tue, 01/21/2020 - 11:45am

So sorry for your loss.  Keep writing those wonderful memories of him.  He will always be with you in spirit.

Thumper's picture

Submitted by Thumper on Tue, 01/21/2020 - 11:47am

Thank you everyone...I am crushed. Crushed for my loss and yet at peace he has no more pain and suffering.

Grief is a strange experience. UP, down UP down, bawling, laughing, bawling. 

 

 

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Tue, 01/21/2020 - 1:44pm

My condolences to you and your family on the loss of your brother.

I lost my youngest brother many decades ago when we were children. Over the years I have often "seen" him as the adult that he would have become. I am 8 years the elder to my baby bro.  My surviving brother (STB 50) and I have always been BFFs. Even with a 6 year age difference.   Sure, some things he does drive me nuts but only because I want him to have an incredible life.  Which generally he does, just not as incredible as the life I would choose for him. Please excuse my tangent.

Losing my surviving brother would be devastating. I can imagine what you are going through losing such an incredible person. I have lived my own childhood version of this loss.

As painful as this loss is, eventually you will get to a point where your memories are more prominent than your grief.

There is no doubt in my mind and heart that your brother and your nephew are side by side doing the things they love to do together.

Big hugs.

Dawn-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Dawn-Moderator on Tue, 01/21/2020 - 2:29pm

for your loss.  

Thumper's picture

Submitted by Thumper on Tue, 01/21/2020 - 2:40pm

 Most sincerely I am very thankful for such kind, heartfelt words. It does mean so much. Honestly I did not know if I should utter a single word.

I am glad I did...you all helped just being the wonderful people that you all are.

----------------------------------------------------

Fair winds and following seas, you are relieved. We have the watch.

 

 

StepUltimate's picture

Submitted by StepUltimate on Thu, 01/23/2020 - 12:03am

I am so sorry for your huge loss, what a loving, sweet man. 

I don't know very much about him, but having you for a sister was a blessing in his life. 

(((HUGS)))

Booboobear's picture

Submitted by Booboobear on Thu, 01/23/2020 - 12:15am

God Bless Goodluck's precious Brother and their family, may He Rest in Peace. Lord Please bring comfort to the family. 

2Tired4Drama's picture

Submitted by 2Tired4Drama on Fri, 01/24/2020 - 9:40am

May your memories of your brother help you through this difficult time.  May you find solace in nature, in people, in yourself, and in words of others, knowing you are not alone in your grief ...

“The Uses of Sorrow”

Someone I loved once gave me
a box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand
that this, too, was a gift.

--Mary Oliver