Well, BM had the first (and only) conversation with OSD since her psychotic episode, about her psychotic episode, and guess what? Oh I'm sure you all know!

Everything is totalllllly fine now, you guys!! OSD sees how hard her mom is trying and BM says she's doing better than ever so really, is there even any need for supervised visits anymore? I mean, she's definitely ready to move passed all the things that have happened now that she knows how her mom has been feeling this whole time. And when she talks to FCS, she doesn't have to talk about that "other stuff" that happened, right? She can just say she's in a better place with her mom, can't she? Because really, now that they've talked (seriously, on conversation about more than 16 months of ignoring it) everything is soooo much better and we can just go back to normal now!! Yay!

Kill me. Kill me before I kill her. (Figure of speech for any pearl-clutchers.)

DH and I have fallen prey to the lying, flip-flopping teenager who cannot understand reality. A month ago, OSD was bawling her eyes out to me and DH because BM never listens to her, doesn't see how her (BM's) actions hurt her and YSD, won't follow the court order, etc. and how uncomfortable it all is to be "the adult in the situation".

Two weeks ago, OSD is angry and upset that BM has changed visitation days (per the emergency hearing -- because schedules are very emergency you know) and now her visits fall on basketball days and BM won't let her play and is talking her out of the league.

Last week, when DH and I were out of town, OSD was so worked up over talking to her mom about being allowed to play basketball that she couldn't sleep the night before the visit and made my mom (the skids stayed with my parents while we were gone) call our hotel at 1 AM when we didn't answer our cell phones because OSD was crying and practically hyperventilating about having to talk to her mom about something she knew her mom would be pissed off about and she was really scared of making her mom upset and how her mom would react and if she'd be safe. 

But this week? Never mind! Life is soooo good. All because they talked. Kinda. One time.

Here are some highlights from the conversation that has given OSD the "proof" that her mom is better. 

• OSD can't play sports right now because BM needs to be with her to work up to unsupervised visits -- Uh, no? You need to attend reunification counseling with your kids to get unsupervised visits, loser
• BM has been seeing a therapist weekly -- BM has stopped seeing any of her original two therapists and is using the reunification therapist that DH fired as her personal therapist now
• BM is finally on the right medication -- this may be true?? 
• This has been the hardest thing BM has ever gone through because she's just never had the chance to say that she's sorry to OSD and not being able to say sorry has been THE WORST-- BM has had weekly visits, sometimes twice a week since October 2018 so plenty of time to be sorry... if you're actually sorry and think you did anything wrong
• BM was "worried they might not survive the night" of her episode -- Plus one point for acknowledging you almost killed yourself and your kids; minus one point for letting the situation get to the point where you almost killed yourself and your kids 
• She (BM) is "going to work harder to reach out to DH" if she ever feels an episode coming again -- yeah fetching right

In BM's defense, OSD also said that:

• BM stated she's been in denial about having mental illness and realizes she needs to manage it now -- Truth: BM has never, ever, ever said those words. She usually says she "didn't get enough sleep" or "had to work" and that's why she's had the episodes. If BM really used the words "mental illness" and said those words out loud, this is progress for BM 
• BM admitted to being off her meds from April to August
• OSD told BM she did not like the old reunification therapist (the one BM is seeing for private therapy now) and BM stated she would call one of the new reunification therapists on the list (which DH has been asking her to do since October) -- Truth: BM did actually call one and DH has been in contact with this new therapist

This new development between OSD and BM has turned OSD into a witch and is causing a number of issues between her and I now. Last week remember, she was calling our hotel waking me up to talk to me because she was so stressed out about her visit with her mom, but this week, one of her newer friends called me OSD's mom and OSD said, with absolutely ice in her voice, "THAT'S just my STEP-mom." Which is fine, because it's true, but the way she said it made me do a double take. It was like... mean. I didn't even get a feminine pronoun. Lol. Not "She's my step-mom" but "THAT'S just my STEP-mom." (I love that I'm trying to using italics and capitalization to communicate the way she said it when I know 99% of the people reading this can already hear her tone with perfect clarity. Haha.) There's been other little digs like that that are coming out now that BM is back to MOTY with OSD and I am trying to be kind about it, but the truth is, I am so pissed. 

We talk about dropping the rope on this site all the time. You know, DH and I wouldn't even be holding this rope if we hadn't actually considered her feelings and tears and fear to be truthful. And, honestly, I still think it's the truth. I don't believe OSD feels anything differently, except now she also feels hope. She wants so badly for BM to be her mom, the way she wants BM to be a mom (more like friend than parent, but also not someone who might kill her accidentally or on purpose) and she gets so excited for that potential that she abandons all the negative feelings because THIS TIME will be the time BM gets it together!

But I feel like I am, and almost my DH is, getting ready to drop the rope. We're going into family court in a few weeks with 1) a mentally ill BM who has vague letters from her many doctors, none of which give dates, the name of the mental illness, or treatment guidelines, but say simply that she has made so much progress in understanding herself and her actions and 2) a teenager who is too stupid to know her ass from a hot rock and thinks because her mom finally said something kinda true it's going to be sunshine and rainbows from here on out. I really feel like we are fighting a losing battle.

As harsh as it is, I think OSD needs a sit-down: Honey, a month ago you felt scared to be alone with your mom. Today, you feel so great about everything with your mom you are ready for unsupervised visits and even more. If you want to tell FCS that everything is amazing and you only have good feelings about your mom and you are ready to "go back to normal", then you are more than welcome to. But if it turns out things aren't as good as you want them to be, if BM still won't let you play sports, if issues come up where BM seems not quite right but she's not in a state of psychosis that we can actively see... you're stuck with that. We can't undo your words, and we can't keep fighting to protect you if you don't think there's anything to protect you from. When you change stories like this, it leads to distrust, and we don't know what to believe. You gotta pick a lane kid. We'll stand behind you, but you have to be ready for the consequences of either one.

Nicer though. All those points, but nicer. 

I'm leaving a lot out because there's just always so much... I'll answer questions if I missed something/ something doesn't make sense.

Also, if OSD tells FCS everything is great and amazing, but YSD9 says she's still scared of BM and doesn't express the same enthusiasm for alone time with BM, does anyone have any experience/stories of how FCS might set up visitation in the future?