Been a while since I've blogged about anything because while things haven't been at all perfect (are they ever with a GUBM?) they were status quo and I was managing. But, it's BM's crazy season and the drama is starting. 

Per the latest CO, BM is to attend reunification therapy with my SDs (ages 8 and 13) to address a lot of the things she did and said during her last psychotic episode, which started last August and, according to the documents submitted to court by her psychiatrist, ended in February. The episode was really bad and resulted in BM losing all custody and having supervised visitation until she completes a number of "milestones". Some of the quicker ones to list ones are: 1) continue regular psychiatric treatment and provide reports of visits to DH and social worker; 2) continue ongoing appointments with psychologist to increase coping skills and better handle stress; 3) take blood test twice a year to prove she is taking her medication and submit results to DH and social worker; and 4) attend reunification therapy with SDs. But there are eight total action items that BM is supposed to do.

This version of the CO was established in late May and so far the only thing BM has done is start to attempt reunification therapy. Which is what I'm here to vent about. 

Reunification therapy has turned into the biggest flipping joke. I don't know how BM does it. I really don't. She convinces everyone that she is "doing everything she can!" and DH is interfering with her relationship with her "baaaayyyyybeeees". (Kinda like the GUBM version of "daaaaadeeee" I guess? lol) 

Anyway, BM has been working towards reunification since June. The CO'd therapist gave BM a list of questions she had to answer in a letter before BM and SDs can actually be in a session together. It's taken BM 4+ months to answer the questions but per the CO'd therapist, she is "almost done with that letter" now and is ready to begin reunification therapy, but only with OSD13. 

This CO'd therapist, has seen both skids three or four times without BM present. There are like, 4 or 5 other therapists and mental health professionals involved at this point, but let's just focus on this particular CO'd therapist who called DH last week and wanted to meet with him. DH agreed. And wouldn't you know it? The entire session is just the therapist accusing DH of things BM says he's doing that DH either isn't doing or that DH is doing BECAUSE IT'S WRITTEN IN THE CO!!

He spent the whole hour refuting BM's lies. BM says he keeps her from seeing the girls regularly. Nope. BM is only allowed supervised visits (until she completes the above) and refuses to have anyone but GBM supervise them. Since GBM lives hours away and has an elderly husband at home, she comes up only for a few weeks at a time and leaves for a few weeks at a time. When she is gone, BM refuses to get another supervisor. Therefore she cannot see the kids. This is not DH keeping her from seeing the kids. This is her being an entitled dumba** who doesn't think the rules apply to her. BM says DH won't let her attend OSD's softball events. Umm, OSD is NOT IN SOFTBALL! She is in basketball. And the sport hasn't even started yet. He also sent her the links to the websites that list all of the schedules/events for the sports OSD13 will be doing this year during is monthly email update about the kids' activities which he is required by the CO to send, so she already has that information. BM says he won't take her calls so she can talk to the kids. Also no. In order for DH to refuse BM's calls -- which he has never, ever done -- BM would actually HAVE TO CALL. She doesn't call! Once every 10 days she calls, maybe. But she's told the CO'd therapist  how hard she's trying to stay in touch with her baaayyyybeees and mean DH just won't let her.

The whole visit was like this. And even better! It ended with the CO'd therapist saying that BM needs to have more time with the kids, despite the fact that she has not completed treatment or even had a single reunification therapy session.

This pisses me off in an of itself, because I seriously get so tired of everyone falling for her act and blaming DH for everything that's wrong. I know she presents well, she looks beautiful and cries at all the right times but she must have the charisma of a cult leader to get people to buy what she's selling. Especially in situations like this, when the therapist has the full case file that lists all the very unsafe things she did and mentions the restraining order she got for threatening to kill people. So yes, this pisses me off because it seems so unfair. But I can deal. 

What has completely sent me over the edge is this: yesterday, DH gets an email from the CO'd therapist asking him to do all kinds of stuff for BM: requesting that DH give BM 3-4 weekends in a row of visitation (then 2 weekends off visitation, repeating) because "it's more convenient for BM and GBM", requesting that DH send the dates and locations for all the softball events "with instructions on how to get there and where to park" and requesting that DH ask his personal friends and family to supervise the visits "since BM doesn't have anyone besides her mother", and can't afford professional supervision (despite the fact that BM gets over $4300 a month through alimony and her part time job).

What the actual f***? Is this for real?

GBM sent a follow up email shortly thereafter. Some key points that thrill me: GBM has been chosen by God to help her daughter through this trying time and though it's a heavy cross to bear, she will do so because she was meant to be a mother, and she is a good mother just like BM is. Also it's a shame that BM has had so many falling outs with her female friends, but BM has always had trouble keeping female friends ever since she was a little girl because other females have always been jealous of her. Because of this jealousy, BM has no female friends to ask to supervise visits when GBM is away. If only DH would re-consider letting the ex-boyfriend supervise visits! It would be good for BM and allow the kids to get to know this "godly man" who is so important in BM's life (so I guess BM and the ex are back together for the 3468th time?) because BM really has no one else and simply can't afford to pay a supervisor (again, she gets/earn a combined minimum of $4300 a months, and before the last court date confessed to DH that she wasn't even paying the last supervisor and owed over $1200 for her visits between Jan and Apr). Also could DH just agree to the new schedule the CO'd therapist is asking for because it would really be so much more convenient for her (GBM)? And my absolute favorite WTAF moment? GBM sent the email with a handful of photos of herself attached, showing her engaged in a variety of charity and volunteer events. LOL.

There are so many things wrong with this picture... what is wrong with these people? This is so bizarre to me!!

First, no. We are following the CO. BM should do the same. When she wants to submit all the necessary info showing she's getting individual treatment, taking her meds, and she and the girls have actually completed reunification therapy, THEN they can discuss changing the visitation schedule. But since not a single one of these things has happened? Nope. Not changing a thing.

Second, BM has not asked for a single one of these things herself. In fact, in the last two months, BM has had direct communication with DH only two times, and both were in the last week. The first time was to criticize DH's parenting, since OSD said something to YSD that BM didn't approve of during one of the visits. (Because she's an expert at parenting, ya know?) The second time she asked that visitation be moved from 10am-3pm to 4pm-10pm "so that the girls could sleep in on Saturday morning". DH said no, as YSD8 is in bed by 8pm every night. BM then accused him of lying about the kids having bedtimes.

That's it. All other communication about dates and schedules has gone through GBM. And now, apparently the CO'd therapist wants to get involved in scheduling visits too? No. Just no. It seriously makes us question her mental health right now, since this is her traditional "trigger" time of year. Asking for a visit with an 8 year old that lasts until 10pm? Being unable to click a link to read a sport's schedule? Remembering what sport you child actually plays? (Although I am willing to possibly give a pass to this, if it's the therapist who got it wrong. But, at the same time, BM doesn't even remember the name of YSD's school so... who knows?) If she is making weird schedule requests and unable to do some very basic parenting/ adulting functions, then perhaps she's not all that well and maybe less time is what's in order. 

DH hasn't replied yet but is going to form a polite but firm version of "appreciate how much everyone cares, but it's best if BM and I work together on these things and so communication be directly between us moving forward" and then when (if?) BM contacts him and restates all these things, he'll say the respectful and court appropriate version of "Gee, I'd be happy to make some changes... right after you comply with your portion of the CO". 

TL;DR How does BM continue to convince everyone she is the victim in this? Why is no one able to understand that she is legitimately mentally ill and mental illness isn't a cold? It doesn't just "run its course" and then you wake up one day fully recovered! Why is DH responsible for every single thing including making BM's and GBM's lives easier? What the eff is wrong with this therapist who is recommending all kids of stuff before even completing her own portion of the CO? I am so tired of the contact! I am so tired of the stress this puts on DH. Just follow the flippin' CO, BM. Do what you are supposed to and don't have your flying monkeys talk to us until you do!