He is now accusing me of wanting to send MY kids to private later...

Remind him that YOUR child is also HIS child (moron that he is). Good grief. 

I think you need to put the fear of dog into him so that he's more scared of upsetting you that upsetting bm. It seems fairly clear that he can't really afford the private school for all so he wants to have no expectations for your child. Well, HELL NO TO THAT!

What's in their CO about education, by the way? I shouldn't imagine he'd be on the hook for more than 50% (and maybe not even that).

That's ... crazy.  Why does he feel he has no choice but to go along with BM? If she took it to court, would they order him to pay for it? 

Good for you for setting limits on that.

These "first kids" are currently the ripe old age of 4 & 7. You have just discovered you are. pregnant .

High School is years away before any attend. Tell him to shove the newest idea of his up his *ss and sit on it for about another six years. Then you will review household finances and see what sots out. He'll have 3 1/2 kids to pay for, you just 1/2 a kid.]

\\I doubt he gets anymore bright ideas anytime soon. Oh, remind him he has plenty of new baby stuff to buy if he's worried about too much cash laying. around now with no use.

I'm curious about a few things.  Is a private school education a real difference from the public school education in advantage or quality? Because it isn't always.. a podunk private church school in the sticks where BM lives (or inner city) might be a poorer option than a high performing public school in your area.  So.. private vs public is not always cut and dried.

I would think that your husband would want to treat all his children equitably.. that doesn't mean the same... that doesnt mean the same amount of money gets split to each.  Your child might end up with more benefits in other areas.. more extra curricular activities.. or maybe money would go towards higher education vs primary school?  

I think you need to be able to explain yourself more clearly to your husband.  You aren't competing with BM.. but you want your child with him to have the same advantages as a child with her.  I mean.. would you normally want or insist your child go to a private school?  if not.. perhaps your husband needs to commit to you that he will set aside similar financial outlay for a future savings so that your child has some other advantages?

And.. just because BM "wants" this.. doesn't mean she gets what she wants.  He may have not wanted her to cheat... that diddn't work right?

If it were me I would tell him that he needs to come up with a realistic financial plan as to how he is going to pay for private school for his kids and then you two can discuss if it is viable and how to also include your child (either by also sending them to private school or using an equivalent portion of money for some other type of educational expense). Demand that he look up how much the fees are each year, make sure he gets estimates on how much all the “extras” cost too - private school means expensive uniform, sports and music equipment and expensive field trips. He needs to get real figures on paper not just imaginay ones. Give him a deadline. If he misses the deadline start to separate your finances from his. If he manages to meet the deadline sit down and look over his plan together to see if it is one that is reasonable and that is satisfactory to you. You two can then negotiate from there when you have some facts. If you manage to come up with a good plan then set some short and medium term targets for him to reach so that he shows he is sticking to it. If his plan is still in fantasy world then I would try to get him to understand that and if he can’t then I would my separate finances from him. 

The whole point of this is to show him that a father earning minimum wage and a mother who does not work cannot (in general) expect to be able to afford to send their kids to private school. 

SK education.  

He shouldn't be paying 100% of the skids private education.  The skids have two parents and BM is one of them.

Oh belinda, belinda, belinda....I can tell that your intentions are pure. You sound like a very nice woman.

I give it a year or two after your baby is born. THEN all hell breaks loose. Lets hope your situation is nothing like you read on here.

GoodLuck

About CG...Often times she gives sound advise.

JMO

But if BM wants private school, BM should pay for it. Now, it your SO wants to contribute, that's one thing, but he shouldn't be footing the entire bill and then say "well, OUR kid won't be going to private school when it's time."

My SD is in private school and DH and I aren't happy with it but she'll be done at then end of this school year. When DH and BM got divorced it was in the CO that if SD was to continue with private school, that BM has to pay for it (she also has physical custody). DH just had to pay off his portion of the school debt from previous school year+. BM also conveniently "works" at the school, so they might be cutting her a deal. Whatever she can do to keep up her private school mom image too.

attended private school (per their dad) which we paid half of. The other kids all attended public school programs of some sort. The end result was basically the same lol! I wouldn't worry about it. Actually, our youngest is homeschooled and our first together is in a mix of alternative and technical because that was best for her. These are recent changes that work for our kids. 

In the end, the key is to pick the schooling option that is best for the child and not what is best for any parent or stepparent. I don't believe (from my own experience) that private school is necessarily better or giving a child more. My kids liked it, the other kids would have hated it. I only agreed to allow it to continue because my kids enjoyed their schooling. 

A common issue in blended families is this idea of being fair and equality except it doesn’t exist and often the guilty dad or mummy goes far beyond to make up for the divorce and any subsequent kids just suck it up.

in my case my husband is asian, i am western and from a first world country. Hubbys ex and 3 kids with her are all from the same asian country. Their quality of education or life isn’t ever going to be the same as in my country.

but hubbys eldest 3 kids with ex were all sent to public primary and high school then went to university. Hubby has continued to pay a monthly allowance to his eldest 2 adults $1000 in their currency as an allowance as they lived on campus to pay for food and textbooks etc so they could focus solely on studies and not worry about working

in hubbys head he thought they would learn to be self sufficient and get better jobs, instead they are lazy, entitled, and expect hubby to pull strings for them, there is no motivation to do your best and succeed with your own achievements.

our 2 kids are dual citizens of my and hubbys country, they will school in my western country (provided free by the government) and they are eligible automatically for interest free loans to pursue a degree right to phd subject to their lifetime limits (approximately 80-100,000) depending on the course discipline you choose.

my kids will more than likely have better jobs, better incomes etc. there would never be a situation that i would accept hubbys 3 eldest kids going to private university fully funded by him and not providing that same advantage to our kids. Currently hubby pays a small out pf portion cost of ss university education (about 2000 a year from memory), even hubby providing this monthly allowance to skids as adults even when the eldest held a fulltime graduate job for 10 months now on the basis that she isn’t a permanent employee yet as it takes 1-3 years before she is off probation to me is absurd because if she screws up continually that means hubby is indefinitely going to pay an allowance at the expense of our young minor kids??

i told hubby if you wanna give this allowance then what happens to our 2 kids when they grow up and see the double standards?? The excuse “oh they’re kids of divorce” won’t cut it, the “oh they had a hard life growing up” won’t cut it and our kids will resent their elder siblings as manipulative sponges.

i get it if your hubby is wasting money at the expense of providing for your home and kids together. Plus Australia’s public  education system is better than what it is in USA. I remember seeing a documentary about 15 yrs ago how a high school graduate from USA had the intelligence of a 7yr old child being schooled in continental Europe.

in my situation when i am back at work once my kids are in full time school and i have finished my university studies, if i am in a position to send my kids to private school if it is proven to be better then sure i will but so far the scoring from my local public schools are not that much different from a top religious private school i used to attend.

i grew up with an asian parent and it was standard to have your asian parent drill into you teaching you maths and science till you cried, these were important subjects. There is no point sending your kids to private school if they aren’t  intellectually gifted (in Australia we have “Academic Talented Program ATP” or “Academic Excellence AE”) i think they’re called, if your kids will not have a good work/study ethic and not be sat down by their parents do do their homework well and study hard then you’ve simply flushed your hard earned money down the drain..

You married an idiot.

Why did you spawn with this asshole?

My SKids went to private school because their mother wanted that and she paid for it. DH and I paid nothing other than buying school clothes and supplies for it. There was no way we could have paid those fees for all 5 anyway. DH did pay half of college though which was and sill is expensive too. Maybe explain to him that the money may be better suited towards college than private school especially if he is not in the finacial position.

I think what you do for one doesn't neccessarily has to be done for all when it comes to schooling. It should be based on the child needs. My SKids did well at their school and enjoyed the social aspect of it all. I honestly think that BM insisted on it because it worked better for her schedule having them in private schools that required a major committment from the child. That in it self was a major downside as well the committments the school needed from the kids. There was a time that we barely saw the SKids as teens because there school had a mandotory program that required 150 hours of extra curriculum activites and they had part time jobs. I found it was all too much for teens.

Private school can have its perks but public schools can be good too. Some private schools are not worth the expense especially if it is just to say my child goes to private school. Private schools can also have children living in a bubble that isn't real. They may interact with children in a social class and demographic that is not a reflection of the real world. Do you really want your kids to go to private school or is it because of what *may* be done for SD. There were times I myself wished my kids had some of the opportunities SKids had due their school programs. However, my kids were able to have much more family time due to not being bogged down by the unending workload. Their school is also academically challenging and have great test scores.

You are a squad, and you have to decide together and work together for your dreams and your kids. Gosh, what discrimination between kids. They are already siblings. There is no need that they both envy each other that one went to a private school another public one. If you compete with each other, kids will do the same in the future. In my case, his boy is five years old and is attending activities at https://kidcityusa.com/locations/florida/ while our newborn is three weeks. We intend, in the future, when our daughter to sent to the same institutions. There is a daycare service as well. So, in this way, I will work and make money for making a living and give the best we can for our kids.