Hello everyone,

I'm new here and hoping I can gain some clarity and/or advice on my current situation. My fiancé and I have been together for 4 years now. I have a son from a previous marriage who is 9, my fiancé’s daughter is 23. When we first began living together, SD was away at college and we only saw her on the occasional weekend and breaks from school. It was rough when she was home since we didn't see each other often enough to get used to living together. As time went on I realized how dependent she was on her dad- always calling him about useless topics (example: "My mom's dog was so excited to see me today! We're cuddling on the couch right now."), financial assistance (paying for gas, tickets to theme parks, vacations SHE wanted to go on, food she wanted because she "didn't like" what we had at home), etc. She's also one of the most disgusting people I've ever met. She rarely cleans up after herself- leaves her laundry for us to do, crumbs and dishes all over the place, and her room is so horrible I refuse to have the door open. I have discussed all of these issues with my fiancé, but grow tired of nagging them both so much. She is not a bad person, she is actually very sweet, but I have a hard time when she’s around. She wants all of her dad’s attention, and gets jealous when he pays too much attention to my son. We can’t have conversations to ourselves unless we’re in bed because she’s constantly butting in and asking questions. She wants to go out with us to bars or events with friends and always asks when she gets to go on vacation when we go somewhere without her. She does have some social quirks that prevent her from making a lot of friends, and I do feel bad about that, but we cannot be her source of entertainment!

As of the summer, she’s been living with BM as she lives closer to her job. It’s been nice not having her around as often. (I know that sounds horrible, but it’s how I feel.) The bigger issue lately has been that she can’t ever just come to visit, she always has to stay the night- sometimes multiple nights. Maybe I’m being mean and unjust, but I just wish she could come have dinner with us, hang out for a bit and then leave. I don’t understand why at 23 years old she still feels the need for sleepovers… I feel bad that every time I see her car drive up or name pop up on the phone, I feel dread. I don’t know what to do to move forward with this. I know I would feel terrible if my fiancé felt this way about my child.

Sorry this was so long! Any advice?