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Why attention seeking sucks

Jcksjj's picture

So anyone who has read my blogs knows that I cant stand the attention seeking from my SD, MIL, etc. And tons of others on here have the same complaints about people in their lives. And everyone just says to ignore it. Which isn't wrong or bad advice, but I've never really understood why it bothers me or gets under my skin so much. So randomly decided to Google "why attention seeking behaviors are annoying." Scrolled through some results and nothing really resonated. Until I found one person that said something to the effect of "time is the most valuable resource you have and attention seeking is using up that resource."

Bingo. 

That's exactly what it is. I only have so much time and energy, they're finite resources. So when someone I dont find deserving of them is demanding to use them up for stupid reasons, it makes me angry. Even actively ignoring attention seeking uses them up to an extent. 

Comments

advice.only2's picture

Its annoying for sure, even knowing that they are living breathing precious oxygen that could be used for a tree or two, but at some point you stop giving them the head space.

I have anybody associated with and Spawn, Meth Mouth and Grand Hag blocked. I don't run in their loser circles and I tend to change the topic should they come up in general conversation.

It takes time but eventually you will stop thinking about them, usually after the child has aged out and moved on to torment somebody else.

Jcksjj's picture

If theres one positive to my situation it's that I highly highly doubt she will fail to launch. I think she will probably want to launch for exactly what you just mentioned - to get to her next victim. Shes been obsessed over having boyfriends since kindergarten and it wont be nearly as easy for her to act like her mommy does with boyfriends and use the ever living hell out of them living at dads house.

momjeans's picture

It’s mentally exhausting, that’s for sure, and I think we all have our own ways of coping with it. 

For me personally, I ignore it, but that’s not to say I’m not aware of it. I go back and forth with “blocking” my MIL and FIL on Facebook. I’m not “friends” with them on any social media platform, but I can definitely see what’s being said, because they both have their posts set to “public.” 

But, don’t they all? That’s an attention seekers bread and butter. Their audience. 

Currently, I don’t have either of them blocked, because, well, the holidays are approaching and I like to see the crazy coming if I can. It’s also how I usually find out skid’s holiday travel itinerary, since DH doesn’t volunteer that information to me. 

All that said, I’ve really mastered the Grey Rock Method of ghosting them in real-time if I have to be in the same space as them for any amount of time. Pretty sure my FIL has noticed this change over the last 2 years, and if given the option, I’m pretty sure he chooses to not be around me, because I “make them feel uncomfortable” per my DH. I replied to that with “I’m sorry they feel that way.” My MIL used that backhanded BS statement with me for years.

I *do* have my FIL permanently blocked from calling or texting me, though, because he’s a vapid egotistical sh*tbird.

Jcksjj's picture

Interestingly enough, MIL does not have her posts public. Her thing is to post over and over about the most attention seeking topics and then comment on them herself (randomly, not just in response to others) every couple of hours to bring more attention to them.

I've been grey rocking her for awhile now and she has no clue how to handle that and gets kind of flustered by it.

strugglingSM's picture

It also bothers me because it seems so desperate and phony. Also, it never allows anyone to have a need, ever, because you always have to focus on the attention-seeking person. If someone else is hurt or sad or sick, that person always has a story to indicate that they've had it worse. Both my MIL, BM, and one of my SSs just make me want to roll my eyes and leave the room constantly (in BM's absence of course, because I avoid being near her at all costs). 

Jcksjj's picture

Very good point about others not being allowed to have needs. My SD has cornered the market on that, same with BM. If someone else has something happen good or bad that gives them attention they need to make sure to take the spotlight back. Also, sometimes the methods of attention seeking are actively hurting others.