More favors? Nah
A lot has changed since the start of my relationship almost 4 years ago. But an elephant never forgets lmao. All of the garbage behavior BM has pulled always seems to fall in the category of dont ask dont tell/"forgive" and clearly forget.
Since my last post I have mostly disengaged from step parenting. Without completely ignoring and living a double life, I have stepped back, minded my business and generally been much happier in doing so. We have every Monday and Tuesday which I spend working or going to class - so basically I am in the picture every other weekend when we have him.
But that peace is getting interrupted again by BM asking for more favors. She has been unemployed for roughly 7 years. Couple of odd jobs here and there but nothing substantial or long term. This has always been a sticking point because SS8 has developed the small mindset that he wont need to work one day. Imagine that. She sets no positive example - sleeping until noon even when she has him. Skipping taking him to school often enough to cause concern cause she slept in... her daddy dearest pays all her bills. DH works from home so that's even more confusing cause the only person that actually gets up and leaves the house is me! Haha... never thought I'd be the -adult- example in the bunch.
I digress. BM calls today to give the news that she is in the final phases of job interviews to start working Fri-Sat possibly more if it's a good fit... and asks if DH can help picking SS up from school on Fridays and possibly be available to "watch" SS on some Saturdays while she's working. He said "I can pick him up from school on Fridays and drop him at your work when you're off to keep your overnight" - dumb, complicated, just put him in after school care. Hello? And "we'll see about Saturdays"
I have SEVERAL problems with this... A) we basically would have him every weekend if this plays out instead of EOW. I'm sorry, maybe its selfish, but I enjoy the break. B) She would never in a million years do this kind of a regular favor if the roles were reversed. C) Am I the only one thinking that if this job sticks and she is actually pulling an income AND we have more time that the parenting plan and child support needs to be adjusted accordingly? Cause it seems like I'm the only one thinking that... D) She takes this as an opportunity to ask for another stupid favor helping move some furniture to which he declined. E) Have we learned nothing about "give an inch take a mile" mentality?!
Please talk me off a ledge here cause my eyes are about to pop out from rolling so hard.
She's response is "we can't chastise her for being a bum and then make it harder for her to work by not being flexible" I cant with this. Lol I just cant.
History would tell us that this honestly isnt going to pan out and if it does, she wont make it past 90 days. Cause that's the trend with her. But on the offhand that it does... I dunno how I'm going to keep my mouth shut on the matter.
As a pole dancer she would
As a pole dancer she would make good cash money, but you wouldn't have proof of income.
LOL.
Lmfao
Lmfao
County information on range
County information on range of income for various jobs works great in providing courts with information to impute an income onto those who scam the system to avoid CS.
My SS's SpermIdiot pulled this crap for years. Taking cash plumbing jobs under the table and minimizing his compensated time sheet hours, etc..... Nothing the county range of income tables did not take care of... supported by video footage of him taking cash payment without documentation reported to his employer. Video of him running from the county constable attempting to serve him with a CS hearing summons didn't hurt either.
The DA ammended CS and increased it by nearly 700% which brought him screaming and crying into court when he got his firts $0 paycheck when they invoked direct payroll withholding of CS.
Do some research. You can deal rather effectively with attempts to hide income. There are plenty of stats on what a stripper makes on average in any geographic location.
Look.. it's HER time.. HER
Look.. it's HER time.. HER responsibility.. It's one thing if a parent needs to ask the other parent for a one off/random/rare favor to pick up a child.. or take an extra day..etc..
BUT she is asking for a systematic change. She needs to find a job that offers hours and flexibility to meet her parental obligations..
I mean.. what is this friday/saturday job? stripper... if she is working in a service industry.. she should certainly be able to tell them that she has limits on some weekend work?
3000% agreed. It is service
3000% agreed. It is service industry. She is a licensed esthetician (not that it's been used for x amount of years but whatever lol) I'm a massage therapist, so I know all about weekend work but I have managed to work Mon-Fri for years now. You do what you have to do and stand your ground on your flexibility/availability. I am walking breathing proof that you can work a 9-5 in the service industry. Another reason I am beyond irritated. I assume this job doesnt have available days to give away which is why she is starting out Fri-Sat... ok then continue your search elsewhere. Make sense?
or she could say that.. I am
or she could say that.. I am available every other weekend.. but can come in other days on a call in basis.. still would be better than nothing. Doesn't she have family that could help her out or something?
I mean, I get it.. you have some weekend needed hours or something.. but she certainly could set that up so that not every weekend would be required.. otherwise.. as you said.. find another job.
This might affect child support
You are right, this might affect child support. It looks like Florida takes the amount of parenting time into consideration when figuring child support, so if you end up having SS for a greater percentage of time, child support should be adjusted.
Yep, say sure but you need to
Yep, say sure but you need to modify the parenting agreement to reflect the change. There is no reason you should have more time and pay the same!
"I'm not comfortable being
"I'm not comfortable being intimate with you while I'm under the heavy stress of having your son over on these days."
You just won the argument.
Continue with your happy weekends ~~~
Same BM???
Wow...are we dealing with the same BM?! I’m in the exact same frustrating position. BM has finally just started working steadily after 5 years of refusing, citing mental health concerns following the divorce (although these mental health concerns didn’t keep her from going snowboarding every weekend and out partying with her friends...but I digress). The kids go to school full time just down the street from our house, and she recently chose to move JUST outside of the city limits. This means she’s close enough to be annoying, but not close enough to actually make things any easier in terms of rides, pick ups, drop offs, etc. and requests help from my husband nearly every single day. We are on a week on week off schedule and the kids are at our house EVERY DAY for at least a few hours on her weeks because she lives just slightly too far away so they come to our house after school to wait for her to come get them (which she generally takes her dear sweet time doing), or when they want to hang out with their friends in the neighborhood. I am at the point that I swear she chose to move so he would have to pick up her slack. He said something recently about her needing to be the parent when it’s her time with them and to stop asking for so much time on OUR time, and she responded by guilting the shit out of him (as I knew she would), calling him a shift work parent and saying he should feel lucky he gets to see the kids on her time.
The kids are fine, but I LIKE MY BREAK TOO! Not to mention I’m pregnant and every time they come to our house on her time they eat through 90% of our groceries.
Sorry, needed to vent there haha. To respond to your post, YES child support should be adjusted if she is pulling an income 100%. Especially if you are doing the majority of the parenting tasks. And boundaries sound like they are going to be very important with this one. Your DH needs to realize that. I’d be having a very stern talk with him about it.
I'm sorry you're going
I'm sorry you're going through that! It's like these women expect a metal and all the help and support in the world when they finally get their shit together. As if everyone else hasn't been on that page for years and found a way to work around it. Welcome to being and adult sweethearts, where you have to juggle both work and home life.