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Like SD less over time

Jcksjj's picture

Submitted by Jcksjj on Mon, 09/30/2019 - 7:55am

DH observed this weekend that I seem to like SD less even though he thinks her attitude is better. 

I dont know if I actually like her less, I didn't ever find her to be very likeable, I just had more tolerance for her and patience for dealing with it. I think it's a combination of built up resentment over time, the fact that certain things are harder to overlook in a 3rd grader than a preschooler, and that I now have two little kids who take up a lot of time and energy and it makes it more difficult to tolerate when she is wasting my time and energy with drama and attention seeking. 

Also, I find it annoying that DH is attributing the lowered amount of conflict to her attitude being better, when it's actually because disengagement has been somewhat effective and I dont interact with her nearly as much. Kind of hard to play as many games, lie, or whatever else to someone the same amount when they arent around you or interacting as much. Theres still been bratty behavior, but of course no matter what it's always better in his mind. I wonder what middle and high school years will be bringing.

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SeeYouNever's picture

Submitted by SeeYouNever on Mon, 09/30/2019 - 8:45am

Kids get easier as they get bigger, there are fewer tantrums and behaviour problems and the kids can feed and clean themselves. There is less conflict because late elementry school kids are just easier to deal with and less needy.  For divorced dads it all seems to come down to who is the "easiest." Since you have the young kids and he sees you as having an attitude about SD you're not the easy one and he thinks this problem is you, when really it's just a difference in life stages.

Jcksjj's picture

Submitted by Jcksjj on Mon, 09/30/2019 - 9:00am

There are fewer tantrums, yes. I have a really difficult time with snotty attitude though which is what the tantrums have evolved to. Tantrums are actually easier to me to deal with then nose up in the air, I'm better than you, talking down to others crap. It probably doesnt get to DH as much since he claims hes oblivious and doesnt see it.

SeeYouNever's picture

Submitted by SeeYouNever on Mon, 09/30/2019 - 9:03am

I hate that snotty crap too but my husband isn't bothered, he seems to think that it means SD has good taste or something. It boosts his ego for SD to act like she is better than other people, because it's all about being "better" isn't it?

Chmmy's picture

Submitted by Chmmy on Mon, 09/30/2019 - 8:49am

I get sick of hearing the skids are better. Better than what feral animals? Yes they're better, not likable.

Oh & DH you're welcome that they are "better". If it wasnt for me setting rules and boundaries they'd still be the feral monsters they were with screens constantly in their faces, couldnt even read a book, eating only processed food and never a fruit or veggie, drinking soda all day, pissing the bed at 12 years old and staying up late at night exchanging porn with predators on chat lines at 10 years old. So yes they're better.

Jcksjj's picture

Submitted by Jcksjj on Mon, 09/30/2019 - 8:57am

Good point. A lot of the reason she is better behaved at our house is that I didnt let her get away with murder and make my world revolve around her to the extreme like she is used to. DH should actually be grateful, if things would have continued with just him parenting her on his time? Omg I cant imagine what she would be like now. Of course is POV is that the world should love her just for existing, not that she should have to adapt to make herself more likeable to the world so...