Stepdaughter is giving mom an ultimatum

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My soon to be step daughter was molested by her grandpa. 2 years ago I came down my stairs and I laid on her legs thinking it was my fiancé . Who is similar in build .

All has been well I ask her if it’s ok to marry her mom.

2 days later she says I “hurt” her and says she wants her mom to leave me and won’t see her til she does. My soon to be step son doesn’t feel the same way . But I have had a very close bond with this little girl. Because I have 2 girls myself .

I am unsure what to do. Her mom hasn’t left me but I am scared I will lose the love of my life any help?

Sounds like Mom needs to get

Sounds like Mom needs to get SD into therapy.

I agree with therapy

But are you ignoring the Stepfather getting on top of Stepdaugher?

That depends on what happened

That depends on what happened.

Did he lay on top of her to start making out with her, or did he sit on the couch without looking and just throw his feet up on her lap?

I'm not ignoring it, but unless he started fondling her, I'm not seeing the issue. I've accidentally hugged someone from behind who wasn't who I had intended to hug. Not sure that makes me an assaulter.

Mom needs to sit her down and

Mom needs to sit her down and explain how they are seperate people and she doesn't get to control her decsions. When SD is an adult, she gets to decide who she dates and marries.

Her goal should be helping her accept reality. I am assuming they both got counseling for the trauma. If that didn't happen, you might have some drama on your hands.

Are you ignoring the Stepfather getting on top of Stegaugher?

Is that her new reality?

Where does it say OP got

Where does it say OP got ontop of the girl the way you're hinting. I didn't know laying your head or feet on someones lap is sexual in nature.

EXACTLY!!!! I can see that

EXACTLY!!!! I can see that jumping to conclusions is still a major way of responding in here. Nothing has changed in the few months I took off. Actually, not much has changed at all.

If your SO chooses her

If your SO chooses her daughter over you... then good riddance to their departure from your life.

Far too many SParents in blended family relationships have clouded vision regardlng "the love of my life". In an ideal world all in blended relationships would have absolute clarity regarding the reality of their partner. Rather than the clouded vision that so many struggle with. It would be ideal if those who are far from being equity life partners showed as what they truly are rather than the "wonderful" and "love of my life" views that so many find out is not so accurate.

If any BF, fiance, or DH of mine EVER

got on top of my DD, he would be gone in a NY mintue.

If it was molestation,

If it was molestation, absolutely. However, why would anyone put forward that they had molested a child?

Considering the OP is here to discuss and look for input on salvaging his marriage I would err on the side of it being a mistake as the OP presented.

If it turns out otherwise, that will require different actions to address

I have put my arm around a woman who is not my wife while in public. We were in a shopping center and she had been at my side then stopped to look at something while I kept walking. I reached out without looking and put my arm around a lady who was shopping with her husband. It was a shock to both of us. My wife walked up and asked what I was doing. All four of us broke out laughing and we ended up having lunch together.

I have also had toddlers grab my leg in public thinking I was dad. Always an interesting experience.

I do not think that mistaking an adult size kid for a spouse in the dark in the middle of the night is beyond the bounds of possibility.

I dont even understand the laid on her legs

What exactly happened? How old was she at the time?

To any child setting an ultimatum to their bio parents to choose

Them or the future stepparent, the bio parent should ask do i get the same privilege to ask you this with any future partner of yours. Of course its gonna be no or they’ll be stuck for answers.

any parent that lets their children control them this way will be held hostage for life

Sorry hang on.... You laid on

Sorry hang on.... You laid on your step daughter's legs? Because you thought she was your fiance as they are the same build? But not the same face I'm assuming? I'm sorry if I've got this wrong but I'm very confused....if my soon to be step dad came and laid on my legs I'd be pretty freaked out aswell. But maybe I'm reading this all wrong?

Even if 2 people are of similar build, I don’t see

How op can mistake sd for his partner... for starters partner would have more curves on her body...

I agree with STaround how did

I agree with STaround how did nobody pick up on the laid on legs things, WTF does that even mean? And of course the OP is a hit and run, post something flagrant and then run and not respond to see how many people get spun up.

I did. I have laided on my

I did. I have laided on my boyfriends legs.... It means he was sitting on the couch and I laid my head in his lap. I think OP might be worried that saying he laid his head in the girls lap sounds worse but then again we don't know.

OMG

It is entirely normal for an adult woman to put your head in his lap. NOT normal for SF/SD

Since you haven't come back

Since you haven't come back to explain the laying on her legs thing... which is confusing as hell BTW.... I am going to assume that the room was dark and it was an actual accident.

It really doesn't matter what happened after SD was molested by her grand father. Once she has experienced that trauma and knows what happens when she speaks up- the men go away- you need to leave.

You will always be under scrutiny and you could wind up in jail over this. It is time to leave.

If you HAVE done anything inappropriate to this girl- hopefully justice will be served and she will be protected.