Dependent MIL
My husband and I live with his 73yo mom. The house is quite small and there are four people and two dogs living in a house under 1000 sq. ft. My husband's siblings don't hardly do anything with his mom, therefore, she goes pretty much everywhere with us. His sister that lives seven blocks from us doesn't even come do anything with her. I have told my husband that I wanted to spend time alone with him and his sister, his mom, and him had an attitude towards me. I'm so frustrated and depressed right now. I've expressed to my husband that I want my own house and how we need to get out of her house and start our own family home but it doesn't seem like he's moving fast towards that. We are looking at houses but have not found one we like.
My problem is that I don't know how to tell my MIL to give us time alone without her being offended by it. When we go somewhere, she automatically comes with us. My husband doesn't tell her that we need alone time and I don't know what to do. In arguments, I have told him to cut his apron strings and for his mom to cut the umbilical cord and to quit being a momma's boy, that his priority is to me. I know I sound selfish and ungrateful but I just want my husband and I to have time alone without my MIL around.
On top of having to have her with us, I also have my husband's 19yo daughter living with us who has an attitude of entitlement. I feel like I'm living in hell right now and I don't know what to do. Does anyone have any advice on how I can approach this situation?
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Comments
I don't know if finances are
I don't know if finances are an issue at all in this. Do you and your DH pay rent to your MIL or help her with expenses? Is your MIL in good health? 73 isn't that old these days, so I'm assuming she is or could be pretty independent. If your DH doesn't want to say anything to your MIL because he's a mama's boy and is perfectly fine with her being with you all the time, that's one problem. If he doesn't want to say anything because he's reliant on her financially and doesn't want to rock the boat there, that's quite a different one. There of course are a whole range of other scenarios in between. Do you know what his reluctance to leave mom and spend some alone time with you is?
Yes we do pay
half the mortgage on her house. He feels like it doesn't matter if she's with us or not. She is in good health. She just has an excuse for everything we suggest as to why she can't do anything.
Book a weekend somewhere for
Book a weekend somewhere for just the two of you. If MIL wants to come - "Sorry, mom, we're going on a dirty weekend ..."
Talk to your H and tell him
Talk to your H and tell him that you both need your own space and that there are two options: Either he continues living with his mother or he leaves with you as you are looking and will find a new place to live. You both are married and need your own privacy and space. This is not healthy and not to mention you have his 19 year old living there as well. You may not be big on ultimatums but I'd definitely start looking rigorously for a new place and either he leaves with you or not.
If you don't take action you will be living like this for years to come, it will never change because your H is content living this way with his mother and 19 year old daughter.