Is this normal?
1st- I have a cat (amongst many other critters), my FSD3 was playing with some twine and dragging it around the floor so the cat could chase it. Fine...all good. Then out of nowhere she wraps the twine around my cats neck and starts to drag her on the floor. I didnt yell, but was like FSD3 absolutely not, we do not do that, that will hurt her and had her go to her room for a time out. ( SO not present)
5 minutes later I go in to her room and ask if she understands what she did was wrong....she repeated the incident outloud and thats why she had to take a time out. Smart girl...Now her mother and SO's mother aren't a fan of cats....is this stemming from that?
Reason being, when we are out in the yard I pick up bugs, reptiles and stuff to show her....and she holds them and asks questions...the other day i showed her a big caterpillar and she throws a rock at it. Grammy and Mommy kill bugs they don't like them in the house.
This is just...great. I get it you think they are gross you don't want them to be in the house etc. How about NOT instilling fear or what have you - in your child...and educating about the critters of the world and respecting nature..... I'm probably being overly sensitive. But it pisses me off.
( Yes I'm that weirdo that will catch a spider and release it outside)
2nd- Hititng/scratching....hitting okay she needs a reminder every once in awhile..thats fine. Scratching was a new thing this weekend. She was sitting in my lap and starts digging her nails into my chest repeatedly..." this hurts because my nails are long doesnt it." Uh yeah kid it does, knock it off. What the hell is that shit?
Needless to say this was an exhausting weekend...
Where was your SO?
Where was your SO?
Work.
Work.
Does his work schedule allow
Does his work schedule allow for him to spend time with SD3 or are you watching her, feeding her, putting her to bed and he doesn't see her until the next day?
I take care of all of that 90
Aniki-I take care of all of that 90% of the time. His schedule is screwy, normally 6 days ocassionally 7 days a week. We have her every other weekend and wednesdays.
WE having her is YOU having
WE having her is YOU having her. Where does she go when you are not able to be the babysitter?
Aniki-Shes always with me.
Aniki-Shes always with me. Which normally isnt an issue, we are just starting to have these flare ups and its concerning. She is attaached to me even when he is home.
SO's mother is daycare for him and BM M-F. BM uses my SO's SIL and brother for all of "her days" when she needs a break.
SO doesn't talk to his family or BM for that matter outside of drop off or pick up. Its a fun situation....
It is obviously NOT a fun
It is obviously NOT a fun situation - especially since it's becoming an issue. What does your SO do when you cannot take care of her? Sorry, but I think a GF or SM in the parenting role can backfire in situations like this.
I also wonder if it's possible she was trying to create a leash for kitty...
Some SM's arent comfortable
Some SM's arent comfortable with being a care giver others are, only you know what is best for your home.
If it get's to the point where you aren't comfortable, just make sure that you have a relationship where you can tell your SO that you are done.
As for the cat thing... was she trying to hurt the cat or did she make a "leash" so kitty would follow her? Sometimes what kids try to immitate comes out all wrong. Not saying she did something either way, I was just rying to picture it and I could see it that way in my head.
3-year-olds can be pretty
3-year-olds can be pretty rotten. But in the end, she is BM's daughter, and if BM teaches her to kill bugs, she will likely kill bugs. This is why it's frustrating to be a stepparent caregiver. You will NEVER be the main influence on the child, EVER.
No way in hell would I agree to the amount of time you are spending with that kid.
LOL sometimes it gets to me
LOL sometimes it gets to me Tog it really does.
Surprisingly enough SO & I
Surprisingly enough SO & I talked about the things that happened and he asked if he needed to talk to her about each incident again "for back up". I didnt feel it was necessary. And she usually doesn't try funny stuff with me. The cat thing is a bit of a concern because I've caught her doing it before. And wasn't as harsh with a time out, just a conversation that leashes are to walk dogs. ( She has a dog at her moms house)
And she even said that after her time out on Saturday. So just something we have to keep an eye on. Other then tantrums, issues with food and i want grammy break downs. The drama just stems from the other two households lol.
"he asked if he needed to
"he asked if he needed to talk to her about each incident again "for back up". I didnt feel it was necessary"
Are you kidding?! Either you're a troll or an idiot.
Arent you a peach!
Arent you a peach!
Do as a follow on lesson to
As a follow on lesson to not strangling cats, tell her that bugs in the yard are to be left alone. They live there.
As for the scratching, take her hand, smack the back of it with a stinging POP and tell her "Yes it hurts. And now your hand hurts so don't do it again." Lather, rinse, repeat. The evil little shit knew it hurt yet she kept doing it. Consequences should be escalating, age appropriately. It works.
Lather, rinse, repeat.
Id do that with my kids ( if
Id do that with my kids ( if i had them) but being shes not mine i dont want back lash that “ i smacked her”... know what i mean?
You are disciplining a child
You are disciplining a child in your home. A smack to the back of the hand is entirely appropriate in response to her purposely causing pain to others.
So I guess I am the new owner
So I guess I am the new owner of a kitten (I rescued him out of an old woman's car engine 3 weeks ago). I would also like to add, bottle feeding a kitten SUCKS SO BAD. I wasn't planning on keeping the kitten, but I have been unable to find a reacue to take him. (He was about 3.5 weeks old when I rescued him.)
Anyway, my youngest will be 3 in a couple months. He has mostly been good with the kitten, but has occasionally picked him up by his neck... now, of course I make sure to tell him that's not nice and hurts the kitty, but in the heat of his excitement for the kitty he sometimes forgets.
Most small children do not intend to hurt animals, but sometimes it happens unintentionally. I do not leave my son alone with the kitty for that reason.
Unless your skid is displaying other "off behaviors", I would say this is in the realm of normal. Always be present when the toddler is playing with the cat.
Yeah just something i have to
Yeah just something i have to keep an eye on. I guess we just need to keep being redundant with being gentle. Good luck with your little kitty!
Cat thing makes me think
Cat thing makes me think leash. Little kids have short-term memory while also trying to push boundaries. She likely doesn't know that she's hurting the cat even though she knows that the cat shouldn't be on a leash.
Given her question about her nails hurting you, my guess is that she's just starting to realize that she can hurt other people and things the way she can be hurt.
The bug thing sounds like a reactiom to what she has been taught, which is that bugs = bad and need to die. Unless BM and MIL are reinforcing bugs INSIDE = bad but bugs OUTSIDE = fine, she's going to struggle until she is older and can make those connections.
Remember, little kids have to have good behavior modeled and constantly reinforced. They'll forget something after 2 weeks when they are that young and don't have it constantly drilled into their brain. That's especially true if the opposite is what is being drilled into them instead.
Overall, I don't think she is turning into a psychopath. I DO think, though, that you need to not let your SO off the hook for parenting his kid. He ALWAYS needs to talk to her after she does something, both to model what he thinks she needs to do/know AND to show that you two communicate and are a united front. It may not be as big of a deal at 3, but if she gets older and thinks Dad doesn't know what's going on, she will likely try to use that against you. Make him parent even if he is working 7 days a week.
And for the love of all that is good and holy, make him be her sole provider when he is home. Take a bath, go shopping, take a walk around the park. Whatever you do, just don't allow it to be parenting. I don't care that he is tired. HE needs to take on full-time Dad duty when he is home.
You always have stellar
You always have stellar advice, thank you. I think going in on “talks” together will definitely be more effective long term. I do have to step back so he can parent, it does prove to be difficult with the schedule. I think i wouldnt feel as beaten down after weekends with her. Just her conversations can be mentally exhausting. Lol
I was going to say the same thing
about the cat! My youngest DD was about the same age and did something very similar. She wanted to walk the cat. She is a huge animal lover and was even at three but she was still three. We walked the dog so why not the cat? DD did it with a belt because belts look like leashes. We just spoke to her about it and I am pretty sure she did it again a few weeks later and we reinforced the idea that she can harm the cat. That made her cry and she never did it again.
Yep its just a repeat game. I
Yep its just a repeat game. I just dont want my little fuzzball to be frightened everytime she comes over.
I have mentioned this before
I have mentioned this before but this kid is 3 years old.....like an actual toddler. 3 year olds probably think the cat is a toy? Come on!!! Clearly you don't like this child, so I would find someone else to care for her if your DH can't. I don't really care for my skids but they aren't babies....so I can just do my own thing.
As for the bugs...let me just say this one more time...you are talking about a 3 year old toddler!!!! They throw everything.....I'm a bug stomper and I'm sure when my baby is a toddler she will also stomp them....as do my grown kids.
If you were posting this about a 7 year old then I get it.....
Your hung up on a number. If
Your hung up on a number. If i didnt like the kid, i wouldnt be in the relationship or looking for advice for my concerns. So thanks again....
Your boyfriend has visitation
Your boyfriend has visitation with his 3 year old.
Let that sink in.
Oh boy. What isnt normal is that YOU have agreed to this arrangement.
Why?
Well the man needs to make
Well the man needs to make money to pay his bills, CS & daycare. Its not a perfect world & this is the way the cookie is crumbling at the moment!
Thank you Want2!! Thats what
Thank you Want2!! Thats what i am aiming for as well! She really is curious and finds critters fascinating. It just seems like the transistion from “grammy- bm way” to our way takes a little. I try to have -the every living thing has a purpose and meaning chit chat when we are out on our weekend hikes!