You are here

Follow-up thoughts to "would you do it again?"

Doublehelix's picture

Submitted by Doublehelix on Wed, 08/07/2019 - 2:01pm

A while back there was a thread asking "would you do it again?" and I think a lot of us said no. I replied "maybe", but I would have told him that other people's children were something I didn't want to get involved with and it would have been up to him to convince me otherwise. And that would have been something I would have liked to have said early on. I think we were all too quick to say "it's ok, it's going to be fine"...so for him of course, if he thinks things are fine, he's gonna run with it bc the transition to a blended family is naturally way harder on me than him. So I wonder, if the relationship would have been easier if it wasn't just assumed that we'd be one big happy family. Or is that assumption necessary to start the relationship... Or do they just ignore you anyway bc they assume it's all going to work out?  hmmm...

Comments

Jeanied123's picture

Submitted by Jeanied123 on Wed, 08/07/2019 - 2:28pm

Thank you! 

 I would have told him that other people's children were something I didn't want to get involved with and it would have been up to him to convince me otherwise.

I am right there with you and had zero intention of taking on OPK's as my children are raised and are competent and wonderful adults. My SD however is a disaster and NO, I wouldn't do it again! 

advice.only2's picture

Submitted by advice.only2 on Wed, 08/07/2019 - 2:41pm

I'm a different person now than I was then. Stephell hardened me, but part of me is okay with that, because it made me less afraid to speak my mind and speak up for myself. Also I wouldn't have my BD and BS would not have the wonderful father DH is to him.
So no I would not change it, but I would have changed how we dealt with meth mouth, I would have made sure DH got a cut throat lawyer who would have cut her off at the knees and maybe we would still have a relationship with Spawn.

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Wed, 08/07/2019 - 6:03pm

I never know how to answer "would I do it again"?  DH has asked me that before.  We have a great relationship, he's a great partner, we've made it through the worst of the drama and there is light at the end of the tunnel.

But would I put myself again through the trauma, stress and expense of all we went through with BM, family court, parental alienation, etc?  I don't know. 

thinkthrice's picture

Submitted by thinkthrice on Wed, 08/07/2019 - 6:12pm

I too, thought "how hard could it be?" "Doesn't everyone discipline their children?"

I found out quickly that the answer to that question was a resounding NO especially when both parents are in a race to the bottom to see who can be their kids best friend and not their parent.

ntm's picture

Submitted by ntm on Wed, 08/07/2019 - 7:21pm

I can’t even begin to go through all the shite I lived through. All my money that went down the black hole that is Stephell. All the crap I got from BM, skids, and the admitted “there is a parenting void when the girls are with me” DH. Nope.

Monkeysee's picture

Submitted by Monkeysee on Thu, 08/08/2019 - 3:37am

I responded that, prior to having my baby my answer would be HELL NO.  Now that I've got my kid, it's hard to take such a strong stance.

However.. H has p*ssed me off yet again today with his BS guilty daddeee rubbish, which only really started after I got pregnant.  So with the way I'm feeling at the moment, I wish I could have my baby and just leave H and his kids completely out of it.  I'm not saying I'm ready to divorce, but days like today really make me question this whole situation & whether it's really worth it.  If the Holy First Family is always going to be the top priority, why am I bothering?  And why put MY child through all this stress.