Yes three.   The two daughters he wants to leave here (one is in college but lives in an apartment type access in our current basement, one going to be a junior in high school who is a high level athelete with no opportunity to continue her sport at her high level in this small town and the third son who would come with us but who has a very hard time making friends and dealing with new situations.  He needs to be in this town (3 states away) to achieve his happy and the 'kids are about grown anyway'.  I realize it sounds like he has lost his mind - I think he kind of has....of note, for the first half of our marriage he was the primary bread winner.   For the last half I have been and he spent a good chunk of that being a 'stay-at-home' dad.   As the kids got older this morphed into him trying to find a source of income where he could have flexiblity and be his own boss.  He didn't really find anything that made him happy career-wise.  There were other issues, I'm not perfect, trust me but it all came to a head over this moving aspect.

So yes, eventually there might be steps (and acutally soon to be ex is very bad at being alone so I anticapte it sooner rather than later) but as of now we are one soon-to-be-split original, biological family.

Oh, I think it's a mid life crisis.  He told me why he needs to go.   I told him why I can't.  He says its something he can't compromise on (which I understand a little, I mean, I'm not compromsing either).  He is convinced that the kids would be fine if we moved with the youngest.  The oldest could find an apartment or dorm, the middle could live with grandma and continue her life and activities.

He is also convinced that the kids will be fine with the divorce as well.   They are excellent kids (truly, I know everyone says that but they are) and I feel like I need to choose them in this situation.   Now the children don't know that if I moved he would be open to reconcile.  I would never want them to feel like me staying here is only for them - I don't want to go either - and feel the guilt of our marriage break down.

One of my best friends became a stepmom and the birth mother was the height of crazy.  In her case, the birth mom didn't have the kids full time (her choice, she left and asked for one weekend a month, one week a summer but every Christmas) but tried to be very controlling regarding my friend's role.  The friends and her step kids were very close and she wanted to know how to keep their relationship healthy while dealing with the demands made by their mother.   Happy ending though - my friend turned over all dealing with the birth mom over to her husband and kept doing what felt right when it came to the kids.  The birth mom calmed down after about 3 1/2 years of constant badgering and has gone pretty much silent.  The kids are now teenagers and don't exercise any visitation with the BM but text with her daily.  BM has even told the kids that my friend is their day-to-day mom and she hopes that when they get married they acknowledge that (weird I know BM in that situation is very weird).

We googled "Birth Mom hates Step Mom" and found this site.  We worked toegther at the time so she continued to read so would share.   I just got hooked Iat checking in I think.

Hey, I completely agree....I even stated in a response above that I understand he was not willing to compromise moving, as I as not willing to compromise not moving.

The kids have always come first...to a point.   It was also important that hubby was kept happy as well.  Like he could sacrafice for the kids but only to a point.  I was always the one to make the most concessions.   But in another lifetime it made him very happy to take care of me.   When he first stayed home he did all the housework and cooking and kid running.  He monitored homework and grades.  He was a great stay at home dad.  As the kids got older and could take over chores and didn't need as much he just started doing less and less and less.

There were other issues in the marriage - money, his unwillingness to get a real job, my menopause making me far less accomadating as I was always one to 'not sweat the small stuff', busy kids.  It wasn't perfect.  He was willing to work on all those issues or change his behavior as long as I moved.  I didn't believe that the other issues would disappear, and wasn't willing to uproot me, my kids and be gone from my friends and family, to take that chance.  So trust me, in some versions of the story I am 100% the villian and I realize that.

The papers have been filed and he still sends me messages every day telling me if I just showed up tomorrow he would fall to his knees and thank god and promise to be a better man.  But it has to be there.

Hubby himself got his current step mom at age 27.  He 100% views her as a stepmom....and her children as his siblings even though they are at least 10 years younger (although they had childrent early in their lives so our children are all around the same age).

He will accept nothing less from our children if and when he introduces another family to blend.  My kids will most likely be fine.  Even if they are not, they will treat whoever it is with kindness and respect.   It is who they are and I would not tolerate less.

The oldest is not happy.   Middle is being neutral.  Youngest is thankful to me as dad is trying to convince him that HE should come move and 'start over just like Dad' and he does NOT want to.  Oldest cut her visit short as she is a legal adult and not bound by the agreement me made when we seperated nor by the divorce decree.

The idea of dating someone is so incredibly far from my mind I can't even imagine, but yes.  My kids have said the house is so much less stressful, so baby steps.