SS old vs new ~~~ Girlfriend that is...
So it turns out that at least one of my dilemmas has been solved.
DH had a talk with the son the other day and son went into a deeper conversation about the sharing of GF's phone number. Turns out, son has been a little frustrated with DH's extended family for having continued contact with son's ex-GF. Son dated ex-GF all through HS and the entire family loved her. They broke up when she moved away for college. He moved on and found another girl.
A few times, some of the extended family members have called the new GF by the old GF's name and at other times during family gatherings, some family members have brought up the ex-GF in conversations.
I can see how this has the son a little frustrated and is trying to keep all family private conversations to a minumim unless he is present. Well, I hate to tell him but that is unrealistc.
After dating my DH for a year or two I started hearing stories I really didnt need to know but people think it is hilarious to tell other people dirty laundry specially if this includes old lovers..
well, Mystery #1 solved. only 299 to go
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Comments
Well, your DH's family doesn
Well, your DH's family doesn't have much tact or class. Don't be surprised if you see SS less and less.
Yeah, I don't get it -
Yeah, I don't get it - seriously? They need to stay in touch with his HIGH SCHOOL girlfriend? And they call new GF by her name? Sounds a little passive-aggressive to me, unless it happens ONCE and it's followed by an "OMG, I am soooo sorry!"
Hey I wasnt there and it
Hey I wasnt there and it wasnt me!!!
Just updating you all... *yahoo*
the SS knows his dad is quiet
the SS knows his dad is quiet and sweet, I am the talkative one that is probaly why he thought I would wanna spark the old GF conversation but oh no... no way!! I have been on that seat plenty of times....
I think this is why it makes
I think this is why it makes sense to respect that he doesn't want you guys to talk to her directly - perhaps she herself is angry about how she was treated by DH's family and wouldn't like it. I am the third wife, and if DH's family ever repeatedly called me one of the prior wives names, or brought her up over and over and talked about how much they liked her, I would refuse to have anything to do with his family.
I would agree but we only
I would agree but we only visit once every other month so we cannot be lumped witht he rest of the crazies
2. we had met her before on 2 separate occasions and everything was fine
3. we have seen her at family gatherings and she seems fine with others
Well, fair or not, the GF
Well, fair or not, the GF might have lumped you all together. Obviously there is some issue for her.
This could explain some
This could explain some things for sure. That Xmas present? she may have thought it was bought for his former GF.. and just sort of regifted to her?
Though, I will say, honestly snowflake GF.. grow a thicker skin. Don't take things personally that aren't MEANT personally. People may slip up and use a former GF name.. it's just that they are used to that name... it likely isn't passive aggressive. Shoot, there have been times my DH has called me by his EX's name. Of course they were times when he was livid with me.. lol. But, I think pretty much all his relatives, save a few, have made that slip at one time or another.
The family keeping in touch with the EX? I mean, I understand, on the one hand people have the right to maintain relationships with whoever they want. But.. at some point, if you doing that is hurtful to someone else close to you.. maybe that is reason enough to not keep in contact. I personally think folks need to move on from the HS GF and not keep in contact with her at all.
So... now, you realize that he had some real misgivings about giving people access to his GF.. now.. the grab your ball and go home reaction you gave may seem a bit too much. The girl was obviously struggling with being comfortable.. but that is something that could have been overcome by time and not every issue needs to be shown the light of day and "resolved".. which is now going to make her even MORE uncomfortable once she understand her BF gave his family that information.
wrong.
wrong.
we met her last June (2018). they were officially together at xmas. too short of a notice to go shopping that night.
The son had already shared his feeling about the extended family being idiots in front of the new GF with me, so that is why I dont understand why he would think I would have conversations with the new GF about the old GF.
your assessment doesnt make any sense. He could have just said, please dont talk about the ex... since the son and I had had a conversation while eating breakfast one morning about all of that.
Okkkkkk..
Okkkkkk..
Well.... apparently you cancelled a family get together because you got petty about them not sharing their SO direct contact info.
So.. I guess they aren't inclined to have you talking with their SO's. Maybe there are other reasons that just have to do with your overstepping into their lives in the past. They don't want to see that happen with their Current SO's?
Again.. zero reason for them to have provided their SO information to you. That was not a normal request. I don't know anyone that calls couples individually to invite them to social events.. none. It's likely that struck your SK's as weird and they weren't inclined to provide the info. When you cancelled your SO's father's day event as a result.. that was also uncalled for based on their normal response to a non-normal request.
ESMOD
ESMOD
please dont assume i overstep into their lives... we lived 400 miles away and we planned out visits on our off weekends (that means when our children were with the exes) for 8 years.
No. I cancellled because they
No. I cancellled because they did not respond at all to the text messages. If they had responded saying they were not ready to share or their SO didnt want to share, it would have been totally understandable.
If they are not inclined to us talking to their SOs then why bring them around? as they do every time we visit?
They both asked why the phone numbers were needed, DH explained, they didnt seem to be object, they agreed and said they will send them and never did. That was their opportunity to speak like mature adults and either object or explain their perspective.
Normal can be subjective. It is not something that would be done on a daily basis but we chose to do it on this occassion. the cancellation was done out of principle for their lack of response and appropriate communication and thankfully whether they are upset or not, it has had some good outcomes because it has prompted them to talk about what is going on and has opened a door for my DH to have more conversations with his son which had stopped recently.
thank you ESMOD!
If they said, "no, I'll tell
If they said, "no, I'll tell her myself," would you have argued with that? Would DH have? You seem to feel you have a right to know their SO's phone numbers and talk to them directly, but they may not agree with that.
no. I would have not argued
no. I would have not argued that. And my DH would have definitely not argued either. I dont believe I have the right to know their SOs phone numbers. I asked. If I really wanted them that bad, internet gives you access to all that information and more. You assume a lot.....