Good for you for refusing to pay her bills. And do you want to stay married to someone who would destroy her child's relationship with her father, just out of spite, or whatever drives her?  You already see how selfish that is. My DH was alienated from his son for 3 years and it was hard and painful, probably for both of them (but she's got SS so convinced that everything she says is right, I doubt he's in touch with his pain).

Whatever you do, do not have childen with her. She will do the same to you.

If you do not agree with this action (which is very very serious), then you should not have to pay for it. 

Also, it sounds like you may not be on the same page as far as "money spending" goes, if she "depletes her own parents money". 

Which a one year sentence does not sound like it (talking pedofilia, gang assault on a minor, etc), the court WILL give him time.  She is wrong.  If she concerned about her kid's safety, she can ASK for supervised visits. 

You should be proud of yourself for not normalizing or funding her vindictive urges. It’s your hard earned money and you should be 100% comfortable and confident with its use. She shouldn’t just be entitled and expecting you to share your money for a cause you strongly disagree with. 

Can’t deny, I have a vindictive streak myself but hurting your own biological child to soothe your feelings is pretty awful. If she would be willing to hurt her own for revenge, then you should have an exit strategy in order and a divorce lawyer or marital legal counsel on call. 

Emotions compared to men but that doesn’t give your wife the right to go on a vindictive revenge and cut off all contact with the bio dad and prevent him having a relationship with his daughter 

so the dad lost his temper and had a fight and your wife wants to completely cease contact because in her mind i assume, he’s a threat to the daughter or she feels she has to do everything in her power to protect her daughter. Except instead of teaching her daughter positive things she is going to destroy her by preventing contact and this can very well affect future relationships she has with men.

my husband was a sole income earner the 14-15 yrs he was married to exwife. He initiated the divorce because of her narcissism, pas, manipulative guilt tactics and not to mention the daily torture and hostility and her never supporting him in his career as a sahm, she never did anything at home, just went on daily shopping sprees. She wasn’t a stable woman and hubby couldn’t stay married to her any longer.

instead of owning her part in the divorce happening, she went on a vindictive revenge mission. They have been divorced since 11 yrs ago, separated a year prior to that. She kidnapped their daughters 5.5 yrs ago claiming she had to do it to protect them from their dad. That he had converted out of their religion so she had to protect the girls. 1 year later exwife hears hubby met a foreign woman and its serious. 

She tells people that she had to kidnap the girls to protect them from their dad and me because we weren’t of their religion, except we both were born in that religion and she had kidnapped these girls a year prior to me even meeting my husband, she found an angle to spin things her way.

she even called hubbys eldest sister bitching about the above and that she better check hubby out because he’s messed up. Sil knew it was bullshit.

later on we get engaged and married, she has one of hubbys sil on standby to report to her everything. Her friends at hubbys work report everything when we marry, when i’m pregnant and give birth because they have nothing to do... 

all these bullshit lies she spun, the daughters start seeing family pics of my daughter with their cousins which would mean we are close and couldn’t have converted out of our religion or we’d be shunned by the family... they start asking questions, instead of admitting she lied, she claims she is a born again religious woman.... her daughters buy her nonsense because they know no better, they have been manipulated, brainwashed and coerced by her lies to the point they see it as truth. 

They start asking more questions and to seem like the innocent good person (newsflash she isn’t!!), she makes the eldest daughter reinitiate contact with hubby mid last year and drills into the girls they must remind their dad mummy is a changed person. Eldest sd even had the nerve to tell her dad to get over it and move on. We know mum lied but she’s a changed person.... few seconds later repeat some stuff mum said basically confirming she is still lying to them but the damage is done, they see it as the truth... 

hubby has no relationship with any of the 3 skids including ss20 who hubby had custody of since the divorce because bio mum abandoned them, neglected them, tortured them, and pas them out... they are so dysfunctional and stunted in their development because of her. The girls even follow what stepdad says over and above their bio dad. Stepdad says you can’t see your dad (because of the lies bio mum said), the girls say ok and listen to him. Their stepdad doesn’t tell the girls the truth because he wants to be with his wife, he and bio mum kicked he girls out of their home and even then these girls still think the world of bio mum and stepdad. Often the abusive bio parent and the stepparent are in cohorts together, no one is out to look after the best interests of this kid. 

this is what you potentially have.... so what happens if your wife is successful in ceasing contact by legal means and preventing the dad seeing his child? If you see your wife brainwashing the sd when she asks why can’t i see daddy or he never comes to see me anymore and your wife says your daddy doesn’t love you and he abandoned you etc.... are you gonna step in and tell your wife that is bullshit and you know it!! Don’t lie to your kid!! 

Most stepparents just turn a blind eye because they’re done with their dysfunctional disrespectful stunted stepkids. You seem to have a conscience, are you willing or ready to be put in this situation by your wife??  All the lies my husbands exwife spread, nobody in her immediate circle corrected her in front of the kids even when it was fairly obvious she is so vindictive and petty and simply can’t get over the fact hubby divorced her.

women like this they don’t change ever... they need to one up people! They must be in total control etc

its a different story if all you do is state the facts of what happened and equip your child or stepkid with those critical thinking skills to make the decision for themselves. What your wife is doing or in the process of doing is not allow your stepdaughter to develop these critical thinking skills and make that decision for herself. This girl will likely grow up thinking the worst of her dad and her mum won’t admit she went overboard and lied about things to her. Thats the horrible reality

Your wife should not be using your money to subsidise her war with her ex.
She had a kid with him, she can carry the financial consequences of that decision on her own.

She wants to play games with her ex but then make you help pay for it.... you did the right thing!!

I also think it is incredibly wrong and cruel to alienate her ex from the child’s life.... especially to the child.  My DH is alienated from his and it hurts him and his family so deeply- you can not get that time back ever or undo the damage it causes.  I think even more than the money end of it you need to show your wife articles and research studies about the long term affects alienation has on children.....  suicide, drug use, relationship problems, self esteem issues, personality disorders and life long mental health problems. If he isn’t a LEGITIMATE danger to the child this is the worst possible kind of abuse you can inflict on a child.  You need to be the voice of reason here... if she is the  wonderful person you know she is she will see this quite quickly. 

No reason for you to feel guilt. Stick to your guns.  She can pay for all of this out of the Skid's college account rather than joint assets.

While generally I would side with your wife regarding purging a convicted criminal from the life of this child.... I also see your perpsective considering that you are not supportive of her legal efforts to deny BioDad of anything to do with this kid.

Good luck.