I'm confused.  Is BM talking about moving to SLC, or would you be trying to co-parent with her in Colorado Springs and you and your DH in SLC?   Does your DH currently have 50/50?  Why would he get 50/50 if you move?

And I would be surprised as heck if BM let DH take SD, considering I thought your DH didn't even have overnights as it's currently arranged. And I don't understand why you're wanting SD to come with you but for BM to stay put when so many of your posts are about you resenting SD just coming over to the house for a few hours?

You are genuinely confusing. Perhaps you should consider what your motivations are.

Why do you want SD full time if you don’t even want her for few hours?

Why would judge give DH full custody if he currently doesn’t even have overnights in CO? Doesn’t make sense.

Why would they become good co-parents just because they’d move to a better city?

And what do you think is better city? If you are low income, you’d generally live in bad areas regardless what city you live in. There are good and bad neighborhoods in Colorado Springs and SLC same as in NM. Your issue isn’t a state or a city. Your issue is your life style and low income. It’s ok to move but if you don’t improve your life you’ll find yourself in bad area and your kid in a bad school no matter where you go. 

You guys are trying to run away from your troubles but they will follow you 

DH don’t have EOWE,  he not getting 50/50 and BM is not letting your DH have DD live with him. With zzz BM not seeing her DD.   Hopefully you will get EOWE driving 18 to get and bring SD home ????   Don’t think that will happen.  DH leaving mid night traveling 9 hours picking DD up At 9 am  getting home 6 pm  leave Sunday at 9 am to get DD home at 6 pm 

Before you get very far down the wishful thinking and hopeful planning in your life, I got distracted by a few facts of life that you may not have honestly addressed. 

Moving a household between states w/o corporate support and tax deductions is friggin' expensive.  Shockingly expensive. (BTDT).

In addition, the cost of living here in Colorado is so much higher than Albuquerque --- heck, Salt Lake City's cost of living may be even higher.  Your life seems to be paycheck to paycheck for the last year, so I think that you all need a substantial savings account of $7,000 - $10,000 to facilitate your move.  Sounds like an outrageous amount, but trust me, ... I wouldn't move a foot without that at least, plus your family's support.

ETA:  SD needs her father --- however much or little he can offer her, his presence in her life is paramount. He will always be her primary male rolemodel. 

Good luck

Cost of living in SLC is much much higher than Albuqurque. Colorado Springs is also higher but not as much as SLC.

For you to move to more expensive cities or states you’d have to have jobs offers already with higher salaries or you’d have to accept moving to low income and potentially dangerous neighborhoods, possibly worse than the ones you complain about now.

So where is the logic behind all these moves. Sure you said you’d live with your mother but how long and how is that an improvement to a married couples life? 

And if you move to Colorado Springs, what for. You said you are moving to SLC to be by your mother. 

Do some research. You both apply for jobs. See if you can find jobs there. See what you can afford on the salary they offer etc My husband and I make decent income but we’d think twice about moving to areas of higher cost of living. We’d have to see if we’d be paid more there first (which possible) or we would have to give up some things. 

If you live paycheck to paycheck in a bad area now, you’d  live paycheck to paycheck but in a worse area in places you consider moving because of higher cost of living. And do you have savings in order to move? You need ton of money to move. Or you’d have to again rely on your parents? 

Does your DH put any serious thought in to any of it? Where is he getting money to move you all from? 

I think it’s totally irrational to think your DH and BM will EVER be able to successfully and peacefully co-parent SD.

Afterall, there’s no court order in place, not to say it would even matter. I mean, my DH and BM are a prime example of that, thousands and thousands of dollars and court dates later, they can barely manage to parallel parent.

You guys just do you, and let BM and her clan do them. You’ll drive yourself nuts thinking you’ll ever be able to control any of this, always trying to guess BM’s next wannabe power play. And in all honesty, it sounds like BM is simply trying to blow smoke up y’alls behinds, in an attempt to get y’all riled up. It appears to be working too.

How about you avoid being forthcoming with the information and just focus on getting a court-ordered visitation in place - then move. All you’re doing is giving BM ammo to try and one-up you guys. 

At that point, the order would just be modified to adjust SD visiting for a longer duration (ie: summer, holidays), because why in the world would you ever want SD full time? To please DH?