Its been ongoing arguing between mother and daughter, since Toxic Feral Eldest SD20 moved in to her mothers house in November 2018. Even when its ok, she still does damage, and still has the same crappy attitude, according to Munchkin SD12.

This last round, she was arguing about being asked to clean her room and the bathrom that she messed up with her newest hair dye extravaganza. I kid you not, she can make messes from water and a paper cup. Anyway, the whole thing stems from daughter making messes, and mommy asking please precious snowflake can you clean your sh!t up, or Ill toss all your things in the trash. This time, Toxic Feral Eldest did two things differently: she texted munchkin a bunch of standard text to transfer to mommy because mommy blocked her (lol), and then a text to DH. Instead of doing the logical thing, like when you are asking for something REALLY big, you ask nicely and sweetly, she launched into attack mode.

Toxic Feral:

"Daddy please can you put your daughter ahead of your wife for once? Can I please have my room back? You never have put me first, and I am your daughter. Mom always breaks my shit, and Im tired of buying new shit because mom always goes into my room and breaks mine. You traded mom, who is an alcoholic, for another alcoholic, and I had to live with her for 4 fucking years. Can I just have my room back? She couldnt even wait past December, before making it an office. Can you please put your daughter ahead of an office????"

DH responded with logic. "you and your mother fighting is just like you and me fighting like we used to, over you not wanting to clean up after yourself. Nothing has changed, Clove is still going to be here. If we are so terrible (she had previously launched into an attack on what a horrible father he was and how he abused her and her sister, which never happeend.) then why would you even want to live with us? Its going to be no different. And you only text me when you want something, not even for my birthday or fathers day. I invite you out to see you and you are too busy with your friends."

Good for you DH! He said no.

I also told him NFW (no effing way). I told him "I really dont care whose daughter she is, this house is half mine and I say no way, because she is hateful towards me, still calling me names, still saying horrible things about me - NFW. Not my child so not my problem." 

I have been thinking about this topic all weekend. Not really letting it spoil my wonderful time with DH and Munchkin - but mainly just ruminating. I get that family should stand by each other, and a parents love for THEIR child is unconditional. But when you join with a stepparent, that stepparent doesnt automatically fall under that "parent clause", do they? They stand by their SO's child because they WANT to, they CARE about this child, they LOVE this child, and if this child turns hateful on them, they are under no obligation.

I think its the same for parents, when the child turns extremely hateful. I would never DARE tell my parents what to do with their home. Its THEIRS. I would never DREAM of asking my parents to put me ahead of each other. This particular young adult seems to have bought into the whole "the children always come first in the family, for the parents!" That myth is in fact being taught in media and schools. I mean, yes, the childrens safety and health are a priority. But the children, especially as they get older are supposed to do for themselves. This girl is simply lazy. Doesnt feel like she wants to clean up after herself.

Its a strange day when Toxic Troll is the sane one, but she had a hand in creating this so I think they need to work it out wtithout DH.

DH said the same: "Child o mine, you need to work it out with your mother. Grow up. She loves you."

Yep, and even if she had been really sweet to DH, I would still have said NFW. Because Ima bitch llike that. So hate me.