Have you ever told them how you feel?
I would like to have a frank discussion, but I think there are so many things I shouldn't say...
SD12 has been in my life (50/50 custody) for 4 years. During that time we had a really good relationship. I must admit that she manipulated and played me for most of it because her mother had serious issues. I didn't see how much she manipulated her father and I until BM went to jail for 6 months...the mask fell off because she was with us full-time and there was no hiding what she was.
She has literally told me horrible things about her life with BM, and we reacted...but now I see that most of it was probably exaggerated.
Since BM has been out of jail I am now the villan. She says that I yell all the time, which I don't because I don't even speak anymore. Every time I did talk to her prevously, about anything, I was met with snide responses or she would completely blow up at me!
She's nasty to her core, and we're not talking about normal teen things. She's proud that she is a "B" like her mom, she's proud that mom's friends shoplift her gifts, she said she knows how to "work" people to get things out of them...these are just a few of her little quips!
I literally fee like someone needs to be "straight up" with her, but I don't think anyone would do it but me. Would you waste your time, or just count the days until she can go live with BM?
Just make sure she isn't
Just make sure she isn't working you and her dad to get things out of you.
Zero tolerance and the only answer to any request needs to be an emphatic "No!"
IMHO of course.
Good luck.
Take care of you.
She's not going to hear you
She's not going to hear you and say, "OMG, you are right! I am a nasty, rude and entitled bitch! Thank you for telling me!"
She'll just use anything you say to play the victim and further affirm that you are the problem, not her.
My SS used to tell us awful things about BM, and tell BM awful things about us, and now I realize that made him very powerful to triangulate everyone that way. I wish we hadn't reacted as we did.
Just disengage and let DH deal with her.
I suppose that you are
I suppose that you are correct. The lightbulb probably won't go off, but I think that it might be an "Ah Ha" moment for her at some point down the road...maybe?
She treats everyone badly, including the one friend that she has. She literally talks trash about every person in her life, and I can't even think about the things she has probably said about me behind my back! She has called her father names in front of me that make my hair stand on end!
I feel like if someone doesn't do a straight talk session with her it may just continue, and some day soon she will be wondering what happened...I don't know...I'm just thinking.
I think it would make you
I think it would make you feel better, but likely make her run to BM complaining about how mean and awful you are.
Either life will teach her these lessons, or it won't, but you as SM have very little control over that.
Yep...she would run right to
Yep...she would run right to BM!
My husband has told his kids with ex how they behave
or their attitudes towards others including me but they always say it wasn’t intentional, i need time or ok but nothing ever really changes. I myself don’t open my mouth to them, their dad needs to step up and handle the issues.
hubbys exwife should have never married or had kids, she should have been given a forcible hysterectomy and be branded “DO NOT MARRY!” But i wouldn’t waste my time telling them lecturing them to be better people. If ex wife is in her 40s, skids are 14/20/22 and haven’t changed then i have no hope they ever will.
to them its always someone elses fault, their bad attitude/behaviour and disrespect is justified and its excuse after excuse. They aren’t worth my effort and time. I’m a big believer of karma that it somehow always comes back to bite you in the arse
SMH...she stole a lip gloss
SMH...she stole a lip gloss from her friend! I just found the thing this morning sitting in full view! The lip gloss was intended as part of the Valentine's day gift I got their long time friend, the girl is like family to them...and she took it out of the V-Day bag and kept it for herself!!!
I'm actually sickened by this, but I told SO and he can deal with it. I will keep my mouth shut...UHG
Nope, I have never told them
Nope, I have never told them how I feel. But I have regularly held up the mirror of their bahvior and demonstrated clearly with the facts their toxic manipulative crap.
For me, except for expressing my love for my family, feelings are for me to experience in private. I generally do not allow them to influence my focus on action and problem resolution. Even in my personal life.
I completely agree with you that someone needs to be straight up with her. Regularly.