Asked DH for consistency.. Again
First of all, I'm done being pregnant. I never thought I'd say that because I didn't even start showing until 7 months and I love my bump but I'm 40 weeks on Friday and I hurt. Only 3 more shifts after today and I'm free for 8 weeks!
SD came over last night when I was having dinner with a girlfriend and I brought DH some tacos. I saw her bedroom door was opened when I got home but didn't see her so didn't ask if she was there. I was talking to DH in the kitchen and he said something to her. She had been sitting in the living room the entire time (at least 10 minutes) listening to us talk and didn't say a word to me. Oh well. I took a bath and went to bed.
I'm working 7-7 today and DH texted saying he couldn't wait to be with me tonight. I asked if we'd be alone or not because there's no school tomorrow. He said SD "probably" wants to stay again and last Sunday when BM picked her up at 6, he was given no notice and we were expecting my parents for dinner. SD's room was left with stuff strewn all over the floor and a full trash bin with fast food bags from 2 weeks ago sitting on her desk. DH told her to clean up but she said "BM is already here" and at least her room doesn't stink so I don't say anything..
I asked him to please please PLEASE follow the court order or ask BM for a verbal schedule after this week because when the baby comes, I don't need random drop ins and a schedule being dictated by a teenager. He said "ok I will" but we all know what that means..
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SMDH, I feel so bad for you.
SMDH, I feel so bad for you. Please don't let them ruin your precious 8 weeks off with your baby.
I am being "selfish" and don
I am being "selfish" and don't want SD just coming and going when she decides. I'm sure it hurts DH's feelings but he hasn't even got a clearance from CPS and I *thought* we agreed SD wasn't to be over until the investigation was done.
You are going to have to
You are going to have to decide if this is a deal breaker for you, or not. Because he's just going to say what you want to hear, and then do whatever he wants.
I'm sure you're right but I
I'm sure you're right but I just don't feel the need to involve SD in this process. I know DH does, I'm sure, but this is my first baby and I need to enjoy the little leave that I have alone with him.
Are you planning on nursing?
Are you planning on nursing?
If so, when you are getting into the rhythm of it and learning how to do it (it's not always as easy as latch and go!), it stinks to have someone waltz in, you "have to" try and cover up/relocate so "they aren't uncomfortable" and then baby gets upset/doesn't want to nurse anymore, or you are annoyed and it has affected your "let down" because now you are tense...
You need time AND YOU NEED A SCHEDULE!!
I do plan to breastfeed and I
I do plan to breastfeed and I didn't even think about this but can totally see it happening. Or the questions and "BM did this" comments.
I’d have no tolerance for
I’d have no tolerance for comments like that. BM’s breastfeeding techniques etc have no place in your home. If he wants to help he can ask you what you need, or find ways to make this unique & special for the two of you. I don’t buy into the sentiment that you need to tolerate trips down memory lane if it makes you uncomfortable, he can do that with someone else if he feels the need.
Enjoy your time with the new baby!!
I mean SD's comments about BM
I mean SD's comments about BM. I would rip DH a new one if he even thought about speaking a word of BM's parenting techniques. SD has been very on top of bringing up BM as much as possible lately and I don't need that negativity in my life.
Can’t say I blame you,
Can’t say I blame you, especially after the last few months.
Don't let this happen.
Don't let this happen.
Between my former skid waking my baby up literally everytime he was sleeping and disrupted nursing my son was 11% on the growth chart. Within 2 months of me moving myself and my baby out of that bull-fucking-shit (excuse my language, but it was) he was at 66%. He is now at 72% and has been for awhile now. His pediatrician has confirmed that the constant feeding/sleep disruptions would/did cause this. It has been noted in his chart. I wanted it in there in the event I needed documentation on the ill effects of home life with formerSO.
Skid lived with my formerSO (us) full-time, so i had to deal with it every day. I am not sure how frequently you/your baby will be affected - but it CAN cause major issues.
This makes me very sad but I
This makes me very sad but I am so glad that your son is back on track!
I may be optimistic but I do
I may be optimistic but I do think when the baby comes things will change. A new baby in the house changes everything.SD will be in for a surprise. And so will your Hubby. Please enjoy those 8 weeks I love Dogs. You are going to be a great Mom. You are starting a new chapter and it is going to be awesome. 40 weeks, dang that baby better come soon. HUGS
What surprise for SD and DH
What surprise for SD and DH are you talking about? I want this experience to be mine and not have to involve a skid.
Even if he does what he says
Even if he does what he says he will do, the experience will involve SD. SD will be around some during those 8 weeks. She will want to see, hold, play with her little sister.
Hopefully, your husband will be actively involved and show her how to do those things. I would imagine he wants to ensure that his daughters have a bond and love one another.
I think not having a schedule
I think not having a schedule that’s actually followed is what’s causing the stress here, that & all the CPS drama, to which there was no consequence. If this was me I’d feel exactly the same as ILD. Her home doesn’t need to be a free for all the way it is right now.
Thank you. I know DH doesn't
Thank you. I know DH doesn't want tons of visitors while I'm on leave (one set of friends specifically) and I don't want SD dictating when she's coming over. With the exception of my mom coming for 5 days (with DH's approval), I want no contact with the world during my leave.
Another thing- SD is always
Another thing- SD is always "sick" and does one "play" with a newborn? I can imagine SD will be less than interested with her new sister, especially with the dramatic decrease in time at our home.
By playing I mean cooing and
By playing I mean cooing and baby talking.
Our schedule is dictated by
Our schedule is dictated by BM, ya know whenever she wants to show up to pick them up. Or not. She ditched them this weekend because it snowed. It is a 3 day weekend.good luck and enjoy your baby. I know its hard to disengage & ignore but its not ypur circus and you'll javeyour own sweet lil monkey soon.
I cant imagine having a kid with DH. So glad I can separate myself from the skids by having no half sibs.
I was excited about it until
I was excited about it until all of this crap and the "I'll be there this weekend" or "I'll probably come over" or the "dad my phone's not working when BM calls me" is not ok with me.
Think ahead
When the moment comes for you to have your baby and after it's arrival will he be with you? Will he stay with you and the baby during that time so you can both share in the time as a couple? What if SD appears? Does he have plans for her to be with someone for sure when you have the baby and after? My DH didn't. He had his kids for the weekend. I didn't want to be alone in the hospital over night and asked him to stay with me. He didn't want to because he had his kids and always wanted to make their moments together count and be very special. The oldest was 17 and very responsible towards his younger siblings. He could have taken care of them overnight and they had another adult family member staying with us at the time so they would have been supervised well. I was a crying mess and more emotional from the pain medications they had me on. So make sure you have a plan for SD for when the baby comes.
Good thinking. We are trying
Good thinking. We are trying to be on alert starting Friday and will do everything possible to naturally induce labor so I hope DH understands that this is personal- as in between the two of us, NOT involving SD. I am so upset for you. Thankfully, DH has told me he'll be there for me the entire time.
That's great!
It makes me so happy to hear that he will be there for you the entire time. Even though it wasn't my destiny to have support with my pregnacy or the other one for that matter it makes me feel good to know that someone is getting treated right.
Your DH has also told you
Your DH has also told you that he'd provide consistency, and hasn't.
He also told you he would go back to court to get 50/50 established, and hasn't.
He also told you that he'd call CPS, and hasn't.
He also told you that he'd put together the baby's dresser then hemmed and hawed over it.
There are lots of things your DH tells you that he will do that he doesn't. Make a plan for if he fails you again. If your mom is in town, have her on standby. Tell the hospital that SD isn't allowed in your room, and if DH is with her, he isn't either. Your mom or a best friend would be better support than a DH running from you to SD because he couldn't say "no" to her.
I do hope, for your daughter's sake, that he steps up for once.
Stop depending on your DH to
Stop depending on your DH to do anything he says. Your SD is not a toddler or small child. It’s perfectly ok for YOU to tell her to stay away when it doesn’t work for her to be there. Or to just STFU.
"It’s perfectly ok for YOU to
"It’s perfectly ok for YOU to tell her to stay away when it doesn’t work for her to be there. Or to just STFU"
It isn't OK for her to say any if this. She could say, but it will just be more ammunition for BM to use against her husband in court. Mom already has a justifiable reason to limit dad's time. The OP doesn't need to add to it.
Limiting the time an ahole
Limiting the time an ahole skid is in the home is not a negative for me.
SD doesn’t really come across
SD doesn’t really come across as an a$$hole. Telling 12-year old STFU just because SM is stressed and DH is a mess isn’t a good idea even if SD was bad. What OP needs to do is to make her a$$hole DH to get his act together. Taking it out on a child isn’t mature behavior