Having a bad day... married 7 months and already fed up...
Im just really having a bad day... i posted for the first time last week. i was upset then cause of all the dramam with my SD and her mother. They are trying so hard to break up my marriage. I know deep down that giving in and walking away will only allow them to win but somedays(like today) i just want to RUN!!! i posted last week about all the harrassment since we married by his daughter and her mom. As of last week i posted how we had been off social media because of her and her mom constantly watching and starting arguments and guilt tripping over everything my husband does with me, anywhere we go.. its a fight. So after 4 months of being off social media i finally stood my ground and demanded he get his daughter off our facebook so I could share my life and marriage with my family and friends who support us. 3 days of being back on and we went to have Christmas with family and posted pictures and the ex wife came in on ours and strted liking with a heart the pictures of my husband. i know she is just angry because she cant see our account by her daughter so she decided to start something herself but when you have to go off social media , change my husbands phone number because his daughter keeps giving her the number to put his information on dating and gay websites is just too much. his daughter with me never doing anything to her decided to hate me and move in with her mom 6 months before we mariied and has tried every since to pull her dad away. To make him choose her or me and her mother is behind all of it. this girl is 17 yrs old and should be making a life of her own. she has refused to see her dad since we married because of me. She wants to only see him if he comes to her at her moms or where i am not going to be around. I hate this for my husband and i know it has to be horrible to be kicked to the curb by your child because you remarried but i cant not handle the constant drama. I have more health issues since all of this started because of stress and fighting over his child and ex. im just tired.. I want a normal life and I want my marriage. Things are so good with us when they are quiet but when they start it up the tension and fighting is just unbearable and Im starting to not recover as quickly because I am becoming resentful.
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umm
can you just lock down your facebook so that only "friends" can see it? Boundaries. Set them and enforce them.
Yes.. just lock down both
Yes.. just lock down both your accounts... so only your friends can see your pics etc...
Or share your pics with the people who will actually care through email and such.
thats what we have done is
thats what we have done is block both of them. I feel bad because this is his child and it seems bad to block her but she does whatever her mom tells her to do so its something every week. we have already changed his number once and asked her to not give it to her mom but within 2 days she had it. if the mom cant reach him with her phone she uses his daughters phone or has the daughter calling and starting it up.. its a no win situation
Stop feeling guilty abou
Stop feeling guilty abou shutting "his child" out of FB. Not everybody includes their entire family on there. My bio DDs do not have access to mine and I have no interest in theirs - they are 16 and, frankly, I do not feel inclined to subject myself to teenage babble exchanges. Mine is strictly adults only - no, no porn (lol) but I like being able to keep in touch with grown ups. So don't feel guilty about your SD.
I agree with the other
I agree with the other posters- get your own account- joint accounts are silly and if you have to have one it just looks like you can't trust eachother anyway which is more fuel for BM and SD..
Then make your account private and let your DH do what he will with his. Block BM and SD from both if you want.
Better psychology needed here.
OP don't post ANYTHING about his daughter, the ex or your marriage. Keep that all private as to yourself. Or just delete your FB all together. You're giving out a lot of into. that's easily obtainable even if you think it's private. Stop giving her ammo. My husband's ex tried the same stuff, trying to get him to come to her house without me. She wanted him back even after we were married. We never engaged her or said bad stuff about her, BUT mostly we both went to pick up SS. My husband wasn't interested in going inside her home, and we'd go to dinner or come back to our home. Both of you get on that same page without the silly arguments. Don't let everything be a trigger for you. It sounds like you're reacting and engaging. Let your husband pick up his daughter sometimes and take her out. No he's not going to visit at the BM's, she doesn't get to call all the shots, lol. He also needs to be firm that you are his wife, and will always be there. In the end he may not see her for sometime because it's out of his control as they become adults. Maybe he could sit the spoiled brat down giving her a few factoids. #1 She doesn't get to pick his spouses. #2 He doesn't get to pick her bfs/ or spouse. Neither gets a say, BUT they are allowed to dislike the other's choice - BUT when in each other's company everyone is expected to be cordial, polite, and act like an adult. That's a much needed talk your husband should give her, or both of you. Finally OP, she's 17! Talk to your husband and plan a nice vacation with just the two of you. You both need to get away, and please you and your husband delete your silly FB accounts.
I have never posted anything
I have never posted anything about his daughter or his ex wife. I only post picutures of us or maybe somewhere we go and that has always been what i posted. where he made the mistake is a few months before we married he was giving in a doing her and her mothers demands and was going to her mothers to see her without me.. every weekend.. his ex and daughter had him so busy running for them he barely seen me but maybe 30 min a night during the week and some on weekends. If he planned anything with me she always came up something he needed to do for her and so I got cancelled on. So.... right or wrong I told him I couldnt marry him with things the way they was. When he stopped going, the drama started and has been going every since then
I have to wonder how great
I have to wonder how great (dysfunctional) these parent/child relationships are in the first place, that these kids don't want their parent (usually, Dad) to be happy.
your right.. My SD came
your right.. My SD came before her mother while him and his ex was married and she played more of the wife role than her mother did. Not defending the mom as she had alot of issues herself.. drugs, cheating etc but it only taught her that she was first instead of the spouse and now look......
lock and block
and also log out of the f/b account on the kids phone so they can't access it. disengage completely from bm and sd's antics. the other route is to change all of your passwords and log in info on everything.