Oh hon, all women say that!!! Trust me! I carried a 14 lb baby to term and my weight at the end was 10lbs less than my pre pregnancy weight at a whopping 125lbs. I was so sick, always in and out of the hospital, alway puking, preterm labor... HORRIBLE!! I had to undergo infertility treatments and waited 2 years to get pregnant. I love my kids more than life itself and would do anything - ANYTHING for them. I still wished the pregnancies would have ended faster.

Being pregnant is not fun. You are uncomfortable 100% of the time. You are swollen, sick, fat, tired... it just sucks. Your wife's comment is totally normal and it doesn't mean she isn't going to feel all the love in the world for that baby once he/she is born. Give her a foot rub, tell her she is beautiful. That is all she really needs.

Oh- and tell all your in laws to shove it!

Dang, what is wrong with people?

I realize it's hard, having another child coming into the mix, but it's none of these people's business. Your in-laws are something else.

My SD (11 at the time) was very jealous when my niece was born and my DH paid her a lot of attention (we watched her a lot for my sister). He had to explain to his daughter that when she was a baby, he did all of the same things for and with her, she just doesn't remember. Funny, because before my niece was born, SD claimed she wanted a little brother or sister. Yeah, right!

I hope everything works out once the baby comes and everybody falls in love with him/her. I hope the adults come to their senses, or they are only going to make it worse and confirm to your step kids that their sibling is an intrusion, instead of someone to love.

First, you are correct, kids will say whatever they feel at the time. They have zero filter and are not always empathetic. In one word, kids are naturally selfish. 

As for your DW reaction - she is simply feeling miserable. Her head wants to do all the things she has always done but her body won't cooperate. In the heat of the moment, many women have said the same thing, yet didn't actually mean they were unhappy having a baby.

Rule number 1 - solid relationship first. Adults come before children and children do not have a say.

Rule number 2 - outsiders, even extended family, do not have a say.

My advise would be to sit down with skids and DW and talk about the baby. Talk about how the baby will require more attention but at one time skids were a baby and required the same. Talk about the family unit. Skids will be a role model. They will participate. They will be just as involved as you and DW are with the baby. And talk about how each has their place in the family. The oldest, the middle and the baby. And that each place is special on its own. 

As for the SIL and MIL - again they have no say or impact when it comes to your family. I would politely remind them thay skids and DW plus baby are your number 1 priority. And if they cannot be supportive of that then they are welcome to step back. Be assertive but respectful.

From what you say - you are doing everything right. It is just hard to not become wrapped up emotionally in everyone else's opinions.

First, I'd like to offer hugs, but if your male ego would prefer, I can offer back slaps instead.

I've only ever carried one pregnancy to term, but it was rough. I think no matter if it's your first or 10th, by the 6th month of a rough pregnancy any woman is ready to be done. My one and only experience wasn't at all magical, so I can relate to you having your dreams squashed a bit when reality is much harsher. 

Oh and the unsolicited advice/comments/stpidshitpeoplesaywithoutthinking? Yeah. I don't know what it is about a big swollen belly that makes some people think they can say whatever the hell they want about super personal decisions, but it happened to us all the time, too. 

Whenever my MIL said some nonsense about my baby "taking away" from my much older stepkids, I asked her if she had these concerns when my youngest SK was born. No? Thanks, but your concern is misplaced.

The outsider feeling may never go away, for many reasons. I have never felt like an "insider" to my husbands family simply because they are so dysfunctional I have never wanted to be enmeshed in their codependent, nonsense. 

Your baby will be here in no time. Once he or she arrives, you won't have the time or headspace to worry about all of these other people. Your feelings toward her family may change again. Your whole world will be reordered. I find it much easier to ignore skid nonsense and in law drama with a toddler to have my focus.

Don't let these loose lipped women make you feel like you've made a bad choice. Start commenting on super personal decisions THEY have made if they can't find some freaking tact.

I do not think that age gap is too big. Families come in all different shapes and sizes. I have a 10 year SS who does not want a sibling but that is not going to stop me and DH from trying. We hope to have another kid in our home because I want to have a child that I can see grow from a baby.

I never wanted kids but after being around SS I want that because I love him and sometimes think it sucks that I do not have all those memories of him taking a first step or first words. I want that. I love my SS to the moon and I am going to adopt him before we have a child so he will be mine. I know it is not the same.

You have to give it time and be patient with everything and ignore what others say to you. Treat all the kids the same and when baby arrives have your wife explain to them why the baby needs more time and more attention and on and on. Also take your skids out once in a while so they still have one on one time with you. Try to explain to them that you love them just as much and they may say something back. Be honest with them tell them that it will be different but you still love everyone no matter what.

Best of luck!

say things like that. When I got pregnant with our surprise baby....a mere 9 months after DH and I had our first together child...I flat out told him I hated being pregnant and didn't want another child. I had just had a rough pregnancy and was miserable. Guess what? That baby is now a 15 year old Freshman in high school. She is an awesome kid and adored by her older siblings (for the most part lol). She was also my only baby with colic and reflux, which meant by even rougher than the last pregnancy went into having a very difficult newborn. 

Most siblings say things like that as well. And not having mom for three days is a lot for any child when it involves a hospitalization. Kids worry about things like that. DH was in the hospital a few months ago and all of the kids were bears (even the young adults) because they were concerned and stressed. 

I dont know any women who didnt wish their pregnancy was over toward the end. It's nothing to be upset about and doesnt mean she doesnt want the baby or wishes she had never gotten pregnant. Being pregnant for months is just physically and emotionally exhausting. Let it go, it's a normal thought. 

As far as the sister in law, she can keep her opinion to herself because it's none of her business. Idk why but when there is kids involved everyone seems to think they are entitled to intervene. It happens with biological children too, not just stepkids although I do think some people are even more judgmental when it is a skid involved. All the unwanted judgments and advice from people is one of the things I find most annoying about parenting. Everyone thinks they know best when it comes to raising kids and alot of people have no problem butting in where it's not there business. Strangers in the store will attempt to tell me I'm doing something wrong over the stupidest little things with my baby. It's insanely annoying but again its not just with stepkids so you'll probably get that crap with your bio also. 

The comments about hating the baby I think are common and stem largely from fear of the unknown. They are facing a big life change that they arent completely sure how it is going to affect their lives and that is scary to a kid. They will most likely end up loving their sibling, but they havent even met him yet.

Your blog brings back memories – both good and bad  because it almost exactly describes what my first husband and I went through.

Being a first time (bio)  parent, like you will be, it is hard not to take things that people say very personally. You will get advice or be questioned by “well-meaning” relatives or friends... You are hypersensitive and tend to over-react to things which at other times you may have interpreted differently. Go easy on yourself with this as it seems you are doing things right in terms of your immediate family. With the unsolicited crap from your in-laws, ignore it.

My only pregnancy was horrendous in that I too vomited ALL THE TIME right up to my 7th month. I weighed 4 pounds less at the birth of my son than I did at my first doctor’s visit to confirm my pregnancy...  It did NOT help that my husband tried so very hard to do everything right: I still said horrible things to him at times...  It is not easy being pregnant and having health issues, so I can see your wife’s side of this.

One word: hormones!  Those little fuckers will give your wife 9 months of hell!!  You too.  But, it will pass and hopefully you will fall in love when your son or daughter is born.  Even with a really awful pregnancy experience, I absolutely loved my son when I saw him for the first time and love him beyond measure today.  I am sure it will be the same for you and your wife.

Sending good wishes to you and your family – and the little one.

I am currently 32 weeks pregnant and I tell my husband that I wish this pregnancy was over at least twice a week. I have GD and so many aches and pains.  Trust me, I still want my baby and am still excited as I was with my first child.  I don't know how old your wife is, but I can tell you from experience that pregnancy is hard. And once you get over 30, it is much harder.

As far as the rest of the family goes, try not to let the comments bother you.  Both of my bios have made comments about this new sibling.  It is just part of their adjustment tona changing situation.

You guys have had a difficult pregnancy with family involving themselves in ways they shouldn't. Take that as a cue to keep some at arms length.  My husbands family was very jealous and said some unkind things.  My daughter was very happy having a baby and they became very close. My husband was closer to this baby because he actually raised him along with my daughter.  This will likely pass, but meanwhile you probalby have to have "those talks" with the other kids.  They don't get to make your choices in life, just like you don't get to have a say in their family planning or mate selection.  I will say my husband wanted to move over a hour away so we did. That really cushioned us from the toxic individuals at that time. 

Her comments are normal, as mentioned, but I would address the in-law situation after the baby is here when your wife is feeling better. My husband and I have an agreement that nobody can treat our kids differently (SD7 and BS14months) in our family. His mom is the worst for it - she claimed last time we visited in front of everyone that SD7 would always be her favorite. She shows it in little ways. So we don't see her anymore. Simple as that. We refuse to let our kids grow up thinking one is more important or favoured than the other.

It's funny, because you would think MY family would be the issue considering SD7 isn't related to them and she's not adopted by me or anything. She has a mom. But my family always includes her in everything. If they ask about BS, they ask about SD. If they send something for BS, they send something for SD. Yet MIL picks SD for whatever reason - even though she's biologically the grandmother for both. Weird.

Anyways, definitely address it if there's any problems afterwards. 

You need to find a new persepctive. You are coming at this whole thing wanting to be butthurt, it seems. I just cant get past the fact that you are upset that your wife, who you love, wants a painfully miserable and life threatening situation to be over already. Yes, shes gestating your child but she's literally so sick that she ended up in the hospital. And shes not allowed to want this to be done. I just cant...

Also, when your inlaws want to whine about what you are doing just say "yes, i am doing stuff for my new baby. That sucks that (skid) is upset no one was there. why didnt you go?" Turn that all back on them. You doing stuff for your baby is not a crime, you dont have to defend yourself. Age gaps are not a crime. My mom and her brother are 9 years apart. My dad's mom and her sister were 10 years apart. My two bios are 10 years apart. Its a thing. 

I remember receiving nasty comments like this when I was pregnant with DD4.  I have two stepdaughters who are 17 and 19 and I have three daughters of my own who are 9, 11, and 13.  So she is the sixth girl and there is the age gap.  So mean and insensitive things were said to me and I remember crying more than one.

But now she is here and four years old and none of us can imagine our lives without her.  She has wrapped herself tightly into this family and is the most favorite and most loved person of the entire family.  I feel like the same thing will happen when your little one arrives and his or her little personality starts showing through.  My own DD's father acted like a total ass about me being pregnant.  Today he says he is so, so sorry about the things he said and did and that he loves her with every ounce of his being. 

And there is no harm in telling the hurtful relatives that your child is very much wanted by you and to stop it.