In your situation, I would encourage your dh to build a relationship with this kid before bringing her around (if ever if her problems persist). That means he can take her to dinner, to a park or elsewhere to spend time with her. 

Harder, but if he works at it, he can build a relationship outside of your house.  If I were DH, I would also get in contace with school immediately.  He should be hearing this stuff from them, not grandma.     GL

I think this is a pretty obvious grab for attention. Your DH needs to step up and be a dad to her. I read your blogs and have commented before. Just becasue he became a father at 16 doesn't give him the excuse to abandon her like he did. He needs to step up and be her father. He needs to parent- take control of the situation. 

I understand that you are using your youngers as an excuse to keep her out of your life- that is wrong. Weed is something that many, many teens experiment with. Your kids might too one day, no matter how they are raised.

And if this guy has the money to take this to court to secure visitation rights, among others, I guarantee it would be through a long, drawn out reunification process involving supervised visits for months before any home visits were awarded. See, the courts don't even believe thrusting a child into an unfamiliar home with virtual strangers would be any good for the kid. 

Those insisting this guy should or even COULD immediately right the rails on this train wreck are living in fantasy land.

Oh and if we're just going to focus on all the "could haves" and "should haves" how about:

Grandma should have taught her daughter about sex and pregnancy. She should have encouraged her daughter to choose a real adoptive parent rather than churning out yet another seriously troubled girl. Mom should have got HER shit together and been a parent. Lots of blame to spread, but it doesn't help anyone going forward.

 One way to view this is that SD is a budding entrepreneur and her talents just need to be channeled into a legal venue.  What else can the little darling sell for a profit besides pot or drugs?  Can she help local charities with fundraising?  DH should seriously help channel that energy for good.  

He's either in or out, being an unreliable adult in her life isn't good for anyone. 

Oh brother. 

I can't believe this crap I'm reading. 

Oh, yes. By all means...let's transplant a toxic situation into a peaceful, loving home and take down two more kids in the process. That sounds like a brilliant plan! And while we're at it, lets put all the blame for the effed up situation squarely on the guy's shoulders who was 14 at the time...and lets call his current wife on the carpet for trying to protect her own kids. Sounds reasonable. 

If this were a driving course, these reactions would be called an overcorrection...swinging too far back in the opposite direction to correct an initial mistake. Anyone who teaches driving will tell you that overcorrections are far more dangerous and cause far more wrecks than the initial mistakes they're meant to correct. 

Here's how I see the situation, for what it's worth. Two young teens make a "mistake" and the girl becomes pregnant. The mom of the girl panics and wants to insert herself into the situation as Grandma and hero. Totally understandable. Grandma-hero throws her age and her money around to get custody of the child. Also totally understandable. BOTH young teens move on with their lives. Also totally understandable. Really...no issues up to this point. This happens all the time when young teens become pregnant and don't know what to do. 

Grandma was maybe 40-50 when her teen daughter got pregnant...and it was real fun having a cute little baby in the house again. She got to be there for her first steps, take her to Kindergarten...enjoy all the cute things she said and be there for all of her firsts. But now Grandma is facing down 60 if she's not there already...and she's raised a little hellian. Probably because she never told her "no" once in her life. She's getting tired...her granddaughter isn't nearly as cute anymore...and, worst of all, she's starting to cost some real money. When will she launch, if ever? Who will pay for college...if she's even able to go? Surely there's an end in sight? 

Ah. There's my escape route. Isn't it time that Daddeeeee "stepped up" and "acted like a man" and started "being there" for his own daughter? Now that I've done all the fun part...doesn't he have some responsibility to help her through her teenage years and buy her the expensive teenage stuff she wants? 

I mean, I could have supported BOTH my daughter and her boyfriend and helped them become parents to this little girl...as the adult, that was within my power. But that's not what I wanted. I wanted complete control and I wanted to make the situation "go away" so to speak. But now it's harder...so Daddddeeee should probably "step up" right? 

Really this kind of makes me sick. It's up to OP's husband what kind of relationship he wants to try to have with his daughter (not saying it's likely to take) but OP is not only reasonable to request he do so away from their home...but also very wise. That's not too much to ask in this situation...have your relationship, just do it elsewhere...

Read the comments here in reaction to your post, and re-read your previous posts. As a non-bio stepmother to 2 skids, I understand what it is like to have a crazy high conflict BM. And that sometimes results in a troubled child. Heck, even in a perfectly stable nuclear family, the children tend to go off the deep end when they hit teenage years. Shes 13. Ever seen that movie "13", written by an actress when she was 13, and acted in it as well?. Teens do all kinds of crazy things, and well, they age, and hopefully grow out of it. My brother was experiementing (got caught) and he graduated high school with honors, and went to college, and ended up with a masters. Experiementing with MJ is not unheard of. But she needs to know someone cares enough to give her heck. Her cutting, all that, shows she is crying out for attention. Grma probably enabled her to an extent - its tough raising a kid alone, if you arent strong enough to tell them no and give boundaries. I watched as my own grandma tried raising my uncle (who is my age) and then raising HIS 5 children. She would alternate between yelling at them and coddling them. They learned how to manipulate money out of her.

Your natural maternal instincts to protect your littles is understandable. Grams is older now and having a  tough time dealing with SD emotionally. She sounds like a handful. But, your DH should definitely persist, just not be a doormat/ATM. 

All that "hindsight" talk of he could have done this or that, at the age of 14. Well, I remember what is what like to be 14 - there is no way that anyone would even understand what "parental rights" are, much less how to get them. In this day, of course there is google, but back then??? Yeah.

So, it is great that now the girl has a chance to have a father in her life. Take it slow.