I am trying to stay sane

But am truly freaking out over this CPS garbage with SD and BM. How BM knows so much? I've no clue. If BM told DH that SD reported that he punched holes in the walls on Thanksgiving (false) maybe SD told BM this herself after the interview? Maybe SD wants attention from Instagram by saying her dad may be arrested? Maybe BM just wants full custody again when SD goes to high school next year to maintain control? Can this all be a hoax?!

Is SD upset that she won't be the only child in our home anymore even though there are barely any rules for her? I can not have this drama in my home after the baby comes and if the case drags into next year, how can I even think about SD without fear that her words can get our daughter taken away?

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As before

Do not let SD into your home, Untill she goes for perfessional mental help. Untill you get some insight into what is going on. Not the day after her first visit. You need some perfessional to back you up. In SD making thing up. About her DF. Because if she is making thing up about her DF She also with make thing up about her SM and you have to protect yourself. SO can see his DD outsidethe home. I would take pictures of your walls, gathering any information you can get on Thanksgiving, now when it fresh in everyone minds. Who was there on thanksgiving, who stop by, did someone borrow milk, Get statements from these people

DH is embarrassed because of

DH is embarrassed because of all of this and the incident happened when the 3 of us got home. I don't want that child in my home anymore and I don't want to see her again, especially if she is really telling people that holes were punched in the walls. Our baby is due at the end of next month and these lies can test my custody.

The story is off

CPS would not give BM this amount of information and the interview would need to take place in your home, especially since you are pregnant and so that they could see any signs of repair to the walls. I worked as a CASA for years and there was never a time where I would meet someone at their place of work versus their home for the first interview. I would have also insisted that both of you be present in case I needed to make a report for your impending birth.

So either mom embellished the report (which is how she "knows") and this is very common in high conflict situations or there is no CPS report and the whole thing is a farce by mom and a friend. Either way I wouldn't just ban his daughter from the home based on what her mother has said the child said. IF mom embellished and there is an actual case it really doesn't matter at this point, they will open an investigation once your child is born. It may end up being nothing or they may insist on an in-home dependency but that will be based on you being there during this incident.

Ask for a GAL or CASA. You are legally entitled to this.

So I should assume that they

So I should assume that they know about the pregnancy? I am far along but not obviously showing. And it's inevitable that my child will be involved?

It depends

on what was said and how far the investigation goes. There are three findings....founded, unfounded, and inconclusive. If they don't know that you are pregnant now they will eventually, assuming CPS is actually involved. Or mom may have told them. If it is founded then yes, your child will be involved. Unfounded and inconclusive then no as the case will be dropped.

Tell your husband not to sign anything. The newest plan for CPS is to get families to "buy in" to safety plans, even with no evidence of abuse or neglect. Your husband is also entitled to an attorney if he can't afford one.

All of this is assuming this is a real case. CPS doesn't share information between the parties (or shouldn't) so that is strange. Your husband needs to call the actual office and find out. He can also ask for a supervisor.

Embellished stories are common. Over half of all CPS calls are for revenge, false reports, and embellished and unfortunately SOME caseworkers will encourage kids to go along with the initial report to make their finding. That is why I say don't immediately go to the child not being allowed in the home anymore. There is is lot of manipulation going on here and it could be coming from more than one source.

DH would never sign anything

DH would never sign anything that would incriminate him but I'm still pissed that this can involved my unborn child. No matter what, it is all bullshit.

While a safety plan does not

While a safety plan does not imply guilt, not following it can cause problems for the singer later. When you sign it is binding on you. DH needs to think carefully before he signs anything. Signing on the spot is most likely not a good idea. He may want to run it by a lawyer.

I will definitely tell him

I will definitely tell him this. He said he thinks the investigator is prolonging this all because there is no foul play. He still hasn't recieved a call today.

Honestly

I doubt the investigator is taking so long because he doesn't have concerns, he is taking this long because well, these things take this long. I had a case that ran four years and did involve immediate danger to the children. Another was three years. 30 days is the typical max for a non emergent case.

Your husband also needs to stop listening to what CPS "told" BM. Unless he has a document stating that he cannot see his child then it is all bullshit and he should have visits as usual even if it means he goes to a hotel for the weekend or week. BM saying he isn't allowed around SD is a set up and just further "proving" the statements made by mom. A caseworker can't just decide that a parent cannot see a child. Period. CPS is not law enforcement. They are a government civil organization. That is why they go before a judge in most cases in order to remove children or prevent a parent from seeing a child. The exception to that is imminent danger cases and then they go before a judge the next possible business day.

I think DH is going to play

I think DH is going to play it off like BM is withholding SD but neither of us want her here.

I wouldn't

play it off like anything. He needs to ask for his time with the child. If mom says no then record it and why or get it in writing.

Some other tips....

He cannot lose his temper. Period. Especially not with the caseworker.

He cannot express to the caseworker that he doesn't want his child, that he wants to sign his rights away. etc. That puts your child at risk for CPS involvement. He can't say he is done with her for her telling her counselor something. He can't say he just wants to pay CS and walk away. All of those are red flags that something more happened.

If this is an actual CPS case he needs to be upfront about his past addiction issues. They are going to ask for a drug test. All of the adults should submit to one, preferably at the center of their choice. And yes, that means you too. Pay for it yourself. Don't go through a CPS contractor.

He shouldn't lie at all. Upfront is best. If he was drunk he needs to say he was drunk. If he threw the phone then he threw the phone.

He should not try to draw focus towards BM. Yes, BM should be mentioned but he needs to focus on the facts of what happened. The CASA and GAL will go into other issues but the caseworker is worried about this incident. Drawing attention to other issues is another red flag.

If he ends up with a list of services he should complete them and pay for what he can on his own. State contracted service providers are looking to get paid so they will often extend services or find things during an anger management or pysch evaluation to get paid for weeks or months. See what insurance covers and pay for it on your own. I once had a dad ordered to six months of anger management for being "stressed." Mind you he had three kids and his wife had just had a later term miscarriage. Plus his ex (the mother who had her child removed) was calling CPS on him almost every day to try to get the child back. Go with private pay if possible.

She told him on Monday that

She told him on Monday that she was advised to not let him see SD until the investigation was over. The ball is already in BM's court, he isn't going to beg her to see SD. He did tell BM that he doesn't approve of counseling anymore. He should've said that the counselor's focus should be her Instagram posts about being "soooo depressed". BM said "all of her friends say they're depressed" so apparently that makes it ok..

He doesn't approve of

counseling because the counselor may have done her job? The counselor is required to report anything she feels needs to be reported. And yes, throwing a phone while drinking falls under that. Even you said he overreacted. I am beginning to believe more went on during this incident, especially when your husband won't even try to see his child based on what BM says CPS said. If that was what CPS said he would have been given paperwork signed by a judge. Either that or your husband is looking for a convenient way to not have to parent his older child so he can focus on the baby. He isn't even trying. He hasn't called CPS to confirm. He hasn't called the counselor. He won't exercise his visitation. So what is really going on?

Why would he do that? It

Why would he do that? It seems like a lot of drama and extra trouble to try and pin this all on BM and play the good parent when he doesn't even want the kid around. It seems really weird that he's meeting them at his shop rather than at home where the "alleged" event took place. What is he hiding?

If he doesn't want his daughter visiting him then it's best that he take a breather and let her be with her mother for awhile. Something is off about this entire situation, I'd be very careful if I were you.

Would you want an older child

Would you want an older child capable of such lies in your home with a newborn? My first guess will be no.

As a step parent, no. As a

As a step parent, no. As a bio parent banning my child from my home wouldn't be an option.

Your husband has no idea if his daughter really said this. He is ready to take drastic measures based on what BM said to him. You have posted several times that BM is a liar. So why on earth are the two of you so willing to believe everything she says now??

Thankfully DH agrees that if

Thankfully DH agrees that if what SD said is true, she doesn't belong in our home. What he will feel when this is settled, I don't know. I think he (we) is believing what BM says because she said that he can't see SD until the investigation is over.

You aren’t showing yet????

You aren’t showing yet???? You posted about being pregnant as far as in June. When is the baby due?

Depending on what I wear, I

Depending on what I wear, I just look fat.

Your DH can bring a lawer

To the meeting. Do you think people in the know would go to a meeting of this type with out a lawer ?

He said he will definitely

He said he will definitely have his lawyer on speed dial during all of this.

Do you take pictures in your

Do you take pictures in your home? Can you prove there are no holes in the walls? I do think you need to learn everything you can about the Cluster-B personality disorders and the "smear campaign" They go together.

You can not let the crazy make you more crazy trying to defend yourself. That's exactly where they want you. When you are labeled the crazy one, they have you and will be able to cause further harm and chaos to your life and it will be next to impossible to defend yourself.

Stop panicing, educate yourself and will be able to protect yourself better. BTDT

I haven't but I will. Every

I haven't but I will. Every single wall of the house? I cleaned the entire house up and down and my pregnant back is killing me and I have a 12 hour shift tonight. I just need this to be over and know exactly what SD is saying.

Do a walk thru with your

Do a walk thru with your phone on video with a date on it. That should suffice.

Ok I will. Thank you. I left

Ok I will. Thank you. I left for some shopping therapy. I'm thinking of redoing SD's bathroom that I decorated specifically for her.

Honestly - the allegation is

Honestly - the allegation is that he punched walls on Thanksiving, it's been 2 weeks since then. The walls could have been fixed. it doesn't take long to patch a hole in the wall if you know what you are doing.

CPS in my county is the worst in the state, so maybe I am jaded, but I can't see CPS giving a rat's ass about a father punching holes in a wall. At most, here, if they even took they call, they'd urge some anger management classes and that would be it.

Please don't worry so much. No one has lost their kids because of holes punched in the wall (and there are no holes punched in the wall).

All I care about is my baby

All I care about is my baby at this point. I don't care to see SD anymore if I don't have to.

I'm sorry all of this is

I'm sorry all of this is happening when you are pregnant/going to have a newborn.

While I can't relate to the CPS portion, I can relate to the exteme stress while pregnant/with a newborn. It's horrible and cheats you and your baby.

Even if there isn't a "real" CPS case, I would not want SD in my home anymore. At her age she knows what can come of all this crap. Nope. I'd be done.

My mom went through this with

My mom went through this with her exhusband and my baby sister. He was found to be abusive but she said they waited until my sister was born to investigate the home. I just find this so unnecessary and while I'll never tell my husband he can't see his daughter, she most definitely isn't welcome in my home anymore. And you're so right that I feel cheated with enjoying my last weeks of stress free pregnancy.

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