Oh no, I'm so sorry! I can just imagine what you are feeling. It honestly sounds like a knee-jerk reaction on his part, because he doesn't know what to do. Unfortunately, kicking the person he loves out of his life and being miserable himself is not a real solution to this situation. Depression is not something that just gets fixed with one act, and what is the plan, that he just is alone for the rest of his life to attempt to make SS happy? I am positive your SO will regret this, but I'm sorry you are going through it. It sounds like you have good friends rallying around you. Hugs.   

I don't have any advice but I am sending you a (HUG). I agree with step-girlfriend. This sounds like a knee-jerk reaction. On one hand I hope he realizes that this is a mistake and you guys can work through it, but on the other hand, maybe this is a sign of what would have been to come. Maybe this is just he begining of SS acting out and totally taking over your lives and relationship. I do feel like thsi is an excuse on SS's part to keep daddy to himself. Depression is no joke, I get it. However, when you use it to manipulate those around you, it makes me wonder what is real with him.

Oh... man this sucks.  I'm so sorry you are hurting right now.  Unfortunately, I think your DH made the decision that he did because he feels like he needs to be able to focus 100% on his son.  It doesn't sound like anyone thinks that SS is just being a willful brat.. but that he is legit having mental issues.  To be fair to your DH.. he has a responsibility to his kids to take care of them.. and focus on his son right now is part of it.  It seems like he should have been able to do that and still have a relationship with you.. but for whatever reason, he felt he couldn't do both well enough.. so he is choosing to help his son.

I hope you take the time to take care of yourself.  This isn't a rejection of you.. but more a need that he had to focus his energy elsewhere.  As hurtful as it is, in the long run it may have saved you a lot of frustration and even more heartache.

Better this to happen now, before you are married and/or pregnant/have a baby. 

Your SO has shown you he will sacrifice you for his son. 

It has been 3 years since his parents divorced. If he has not been able to wrap his mind around it yet, it will not happen any time soon (if ever). Imagine what would happen if you had a baby and SS flipped out? 

Seriously, move on. Don't look back. Find a man without kids. 

I'm sorry, that's hard and it sounds like you were totally blindsided.

I think it's wrong for him to let his son's depression determine his relationship status, but as the others said, at least you found out before you married.

Frankly, I thought your SO was way too overfocused on how his kids feel from the beginning of your blog, ie, getting way too despondent when they have negative feelings, so I guess this wasn't really a surprise.

I went back to re-read your postings - to get a handle on everything you have journalised (isnt that a convenient way to recall things that you might have blocked out? It works, to do a sort of 'post mortem" on the relationship, to see where changes need to be made and recall how you felt.)

Im so sorry that you are heartbroken. I feel you - when the kids hate you, it becomes as if there has to be a choice made. But it isnt fair! Apparently you had all the right stuff going on, and yet it made no difference - those kids ganged up together (they sound very smart and since they are close in age, very bonded together...) and full on DECIDED to get rid of you. If you look back at their behavior, your SO was being majorly manipulated. Kids watch movies, read things online (because it must be true if its online), and then figure out their reality from that. Its so sad that they could not accept you. Their mother did no alienation, you sound very pro-skid, and accomodating to them. You tried, SO tried, but now he is basically making his son his number one priority. Over you. Over your future together. 

This is what he feels he needs to do. But if not you, will someone else be better? The kids dont like Dadee getting married and having more children. So he will not be allowed by his own kids to start a family or relationship or marriage, because its ALL THEM. Manipulative and controlling. Thats what Im reading.

Toxic Feral Eldest uses me as her scapegoat, but according to DH, she checked out a long time ago. I really wasnt in her life until later, however conveniently I was the cause of all her problems. Because I exist. I contemplated leaving my husband because I did not want to be the cause of them not having a relationship. She hates me. So I thought the answer was leaving. Like your SO, I thought that would be the way. DH, said no - you are not the cause of this. She is Toxic, and trying to manipulate. STAY.

If your SO wont fight for you, better to know now. If you are always going to be last, best to find out now. If any children you were to bear him are to be last, best to find out before you are committed and stuck.

Sorry if I sound harsh - I mean this in the best possible way, and I am very sorry that this is happening. You have good friends who are there for you. Your SO cannot be there for you. May they all live happily together.

  Oh hun…I am so sorry.  My heart is breaking for you.  That has to be a kick in the gut.  I hope you get over it soon and realize that it is probably better this way.  It sounds like this would have been a lifetime of extreme ups and downs with his kids. 

  And most here will not agree with me, but I probably would have done the same as your SO.  In my mind…My job was to raise my kids and THEN focus on a relationship.  Which is what I did.  DH and I did not live together or marry until kids were much older.  We were together 8ish years before we married. 

 But I do think your SO went about this the wrong way for sure.  I mean…this was just so sudden it makes me wonder if there is anything else going on since he did not even talk to you about it.  If it was a knee jerk reaction and he comes crawling back, I would NOT go back to living with him!  He has to take care of his kids.  Sorry again!

(((Hugs))).  I agree with others that, while it is heartbreaking and difficult now, in the long run you will be better off without him.  Those two manipulative children would likely have caused you a lot of grief and heartache over the years.  I also agree with Futuro that you do NOT want to end up being his emotional or physical outlet.  That's not good for or fair to you.  This might be your opportunity to really move on, take that other job and eventually find a man who loves you more than this one did and preferably does not have children.

I am so sorry that it has come to this and that you are hurting so much. Many hugs.

I do wonder about the suddenness of his decision and frankly, I think that he is a coward. I think that he had come to this conclusion before now, just didn't know how to do it, and his son gave him the perfect out. You are better off without all of them.

Thats soinds terrible but a blessing in disguise. He has been manipulated by his kids. Most likely the depression is a show like my SD19. She my favorite skid of the 4 but she uses her "depression" for attention and manipulation. dH finally saw how fake it is.

Really it is a blessing coming from someone who wishes I wasnt married to the man I love because his kids are so fucked up from the divorce

with kids AREN'T worth it.  period.dot

There is no easy way to heal from this. Give it time, take care of yourself, and recognize that you deserve someone who has more to give than this man does. I think Bio-Free is best suited for Bio-Free. Let the people with baggage all work out their COs, joint bdays, and child support and let those of us who have kept our lives a little lighter go have some fun with someone who can put us first... even if that means just putting ourselves first. 

Only a few months ago SS was playing along with the stepford child game with his sister and happy to wander off with his best friends mum to some science thing. The dear child has taken this to a whole new level with his sister skipping along beside him edging him on.

He found out about depression and how to manipulate the situation. He found out the right answers to the wrong questions. I could understand if you were the paramour who broke up his parents marriage. But you are into this for 3 freaking years and NOW he decides he is depressed? Really? Unless this is some adolescent hormone driven underlying condition that has always been there and then it is more than likely.

But to suddenly write dark stuff that you all 'find' ... why wasn't he writing this stuff 2.5 yrs ago when his parents separation was a new thing and adustment was dragging the life out of him? Too tied up with working on Haiku poetry for school? And running away ... no he wanted to be found otherwise he would not have gone to his friends place. he would have hidden out in some abandoned shed or building.

The 2 of them want their parents for themselves and now they have got their way. SOme kids drag the dependency thing out for years. Consider that this is part of the plan. If they cannot have their parents back together they will get them to themselves. I just find it very odd that this Stepford life morphed into depression because his healthy, alive and functioning law abiding parents decided they are better parents apart than together. I find this all very fishy.

And any man who throws you out because his son needs him and wipes his hands of you ... well you escaped with your life. I know you love him and it hurts like a knife being plunged in and out over and over again. And sometimes you will not be able to breathe. But consider this, it will fade. The kids will get thier parents forever. And SD will more than likely turn into a mini-wife par excellance. SS will remain in helpless mode because he gets attention this way. Yes, he needs help. But dismissing you while he works on his sons depression will hobble him to the weird situation forever. 

Move on slowly. Do not take his calls. Arrange through email to remove the last things of yours from his home while his children are with their mother. Then do not look back or you will become a pillar of salt, Never moving on in life and slowly being worn away.

Sending you virtual hugs and at this point cry it out, feel the raw emotions, and allow yourself to grieve. Get the support of your friends and family to help you through this painful time and think of recreating your life and remember to love again.

Once our hearts are bruised from a relationship that ended, we have two options: we can close off pieces of our heart so that no one will be able to get inside or we can love again......deeply, just as intensely as we did before.