It happens every year. We try to do the right thing- be sure DH’s family is welcome- we do all the work and get kicked in the butt. I say we ignore the holidays and let them all fend for themselves.
Vegas? Hawaii? Bet we could get a serious group discount! We would probably end up on CNN. "I am not sure what is happening, Wolf. It appears to be a massive group of very tired slightly inebriated women invading the area. They are not exactly hostile but have informed us that no one should get in their way and it would be best if children were kept clear. I will attempt to get more details."
Two days ago DW gets a text from her ex: "What are your plans for the holidays? You haven't taken the kids on vacation for a while."
Well gee, whizz, ASSHOLE, maybe it's because you never paid DW the maintenance you should have! Maybe it's because of your deadbeat habits that she could not afford to do so. I could punch him in the mouth next time I see him.
I had issues with my own family. My mother and aunts did the major holiday cooking for decades. I took over my mother’s part when she died 20 years ago. As the other aunts died or became too feeble to do much my cousins did not step up. So at Christmas I ended up providing everything as they would maybe bring a can of cranberry jelly and some of their leftover Christmas sweets.
The last two years I left town. Not sure how they managed but they did get together. I am hosting this year but made it clear that I am cooking a turkey breast (or 2), gravy and homemade rolls. If they want sides they need to bring them. Otherwise we are having hot turkey sandwiches.
My holidays will be great. I'm sure BM will do everything she can to ensure that SS18 has other plans and can't see us, which is just fine and dandy with me.
Excellent idea. I'm done with trying to make them feel welcome and put holiday plans on hold to accommodate their disrespect.
An adult skid-FREE (and their screaming brood), holiday is a happy holiday!
Hopefully, since the adult skids are not speaking to DH because he didn't attend a function they ordered him to over the summer, they will not try and pull one of their holiday stunts. Fingers crossed.
So, last Christmas SD gave dadeeee a card saying that "maybe by next Christmas we can celibrate Chistmas together like we used to" I have never been ALLOWED to celibrate Christmas with the SD aka GOD. The card was only addressed to dadeee.
She has now managed to get rid of her stepdad. He says it is because of his wife loyality to evil SD and no loyality to him. So now her renewed focus is on me. She is now accusing me of blocking her calls on dadees phone. He has a password on his phone I don't know it. Dadee bought it hook line and sinker. Accused me of doing that. I have no way to do that. I am thinking of going away for Christmas by myself or if my daughter wants to go with me. . dadee and his real wife(mini wife) can spend it together!!!!!!
dadee admited to me that if he says ANYTHING to his mini wife that she will not let him see her spawn she popped out, Hope they have a great Christmas together.
And you don’t deserve to be treated this way. You have been disrespected for too long. Let them have the holiday “like they used to” and you do something for yourself. Then, make a new year’s resolution to get away from this horrible man.
Ugh, she sounds like a piece of work. Just like my adult steps. They must come from the same mold. Whenever DH's phone doesn't work the way they want, (DH doesn't return their messages, doesn't pick up when they call or voicemail box is full), I get blamed. It would be nice if these hateful adult bleeps could find something better to do.
Maybe this makes me an evil stepmom but as an almost full-timer, I enjoy the “off” years. BM has ss for Christmas Day so she’ll pick him up the night before (Christmas eve). That leave me, dh and bio to get in our jammies, go Christmas light hunting, watching Christmas movies and drinking hot chocolate together. I know BM plays ‘Santa came early’ when she has SS for Christmas Eve but we don’t. We tell SS Santa brought his gifts to where he was and he gets gifts from us when he gets back home Christmas Day from us and family. I love the years I’m not on someone else timetable.
I was just thinking about this topic when I got on this site tonight wondering if anyone was feeling as I am feeling ...
Answer....... I guess sooooooooooo !!!!!!!!!
Well I thought this year I had it figured out .. Skipping Thanksgiving and heading to a restaurant buffet. But couldn't find one close by. I wanted this option this year because for last 5 years I have been cooking for what I thought was going to be just my husband and I and then I end up in the grocery store the day before Thanksgiving getting a bigger turkey because no one can RSVP until the day before. We ask well in advance every year and they all have plans and say they are not coming. My in-laws included!! Then the calls start coming in and one by one 2 turns into 12. My step-kids come, never say thank you or really talk to me. I do all of the work and no one helps or can even give an appropriate time frame for an RSVP. So this year I decided to skip the dinner.
I talked to my husband made sure he was good with it and he was and now today he is thinking we should have extra food around "just in case" Just in case what? I am extra hungry this year because just in case a step kid drops in and expects dinner is not working for me this year!!!!!!! If everyone decided we were the choice for the holiday meal in the beginning of November it would be no problem but the day before??? how rude is that??
OMG, do I know how you feel. There's always this one SGoddess who won't rsvp to us and my husband delays all plans with everyone else on the hope that the goddess will grace us with her heinass. Makes me so mad. I just want to tell him to tell her, if you don't rvsp at least a few days before a meal or plan, then she won't be included. Period. That's dreamland, though, as he'd never allow himself to miss out on the "possibility" of the goddess and she knows it. Gross! As you can tell, it phisses me off!
Waiting for EVERYTHING!!!!!! We never know if they are showing up or not!!
I feel your pain wouldn't it be nice if they were told to be respectful and decide where they are having dinner?
So far my husband says it's just us this year so we will see. Like I said I wouldn't have cared if everyone decided early. I came from a family that made these kinds of plans months in advance. My mother also was the one who hosted events. My mother in law has never cooked a meal and waits to get invited. Unfortunately and I mean Very unfortunately, I lost my mother very suddenly. Holidays have never been the same.
I empathize with you about the disrespectful skids and am very sorry to hear about your mom. I could go on and on about holiday dinners ruined by adult skids, including Easter, X-mas, Thanksgiving, etc.
What I found works to not have to deal with adult skid and choice in-law holiday BS, is to cut it all off at the pass. Making plans with DH well ahead of time to not be home or to invite people over who respect our relationship ahead of time so there's no room for the disrespectful ones works.
I told my DH that I will never stress us out again, cleaning, cooking, preparing and invite hateful skids and busy-body, skid-loving in-laws, who cancel out on the same day of the holiday or show up 4-6 hours late. They use to call us and cancel out right at the last minute or keep calling and say they will be there in an hour, then another hour and another hour. Never mind, the stress of the brood of undisciplined screaming gskids running amok, ugh....no thank you.
I'd find a restaurant that is open. Around here, there are more restaurants serving sit down dinners than before. Plan a trip you a local football game. Let your DH tell these people you and he have plans already and WILL NOT be cooking for a ton of people, period.
it is so much more relaxing to not have to deal with these people anytime of the year, especially on holidays.
Thank you for your kind words!! Holidays are always so hard without my mom. This whole situation with my step-kids and in-laws as well. She was the only one I could tell all of these things too. Who else can you tell but your mom. She is always willing to forget that you were mad at your husband the next day if you want her to.
Thank you for the great advice!!! It sure does sound like you have gone through a lot through the years. I am glad to hear that you were able to find a solution!!! That sounds great!!
I thought I had a plan and if we went to a restaurant even if one of the step-kids did show up they could come along. Bottom line is maybe I can't force a schedule and time but the restaurant could and will !!!! But then I couldn't find one close by.
I have bent over backwards through the years doing so many things for them. I thought it would change as they grew up and matured. The problem is neither happened. They got older, but did not grow up or mature. It's sad and they are constant drama.
Mine are out of my life and have been for years now; DH is free to do whatever he wishes. He was worse than a tail wagging Labordor initially, that is why we cannot be family. He has zero parenting skills and it certainly shows.
They thought they would control everything about me/us and, have finally learned at least with me; that is not going to happen. It has definitely cooled with DH because they thought with certainty- they would end our marriage, years ago; stating it publicly.
The al la carte resource service from me ended, after reading the public insults. DH still made excuses, but you cannot take back words in writing! I thank God every day they were openly nasty, DH knows why I can never be around them now, and he does not even try to make it happen, which is absolutely wonderful for me.......they did me a huge favor, as sad as it is.
I think each holiday gets better knowing I will not have to see or endure any of their nastiness again. It took years to get here but I am stronger every year, more flexible and happier, as well.
SS and his GF really did me a HUGE favor when they stayed in our home (without permission), ransacked it and helped themselves to everything they wanted while we were on vacation. My DH also knows why I will never speak to them again.
of them not calling or committing until the day before and then they would arrive an hour late because one of the kids was asleep. Asleep because they let them stay up all night and sleep whenever they want during the day. Funny that none of the three children ever wanted to sleep at night like normal kids! DH told t hem this year we were eating at 3 and if they wanted to come Thursday evening we would have pizza or something, lol.
Problem for us is if no one is coming we are not going to a lot of trouble. We're going to have something simple and not worry about getting a turkey.
Now it's just come up again today and somehow I always end up the bad guy because I said I wanted to know if anyone was coming. My husband seems to think that you can go out and buy a turkey on Thanksgiving or the day before. Not a fresh one and a frozen one doesn't have time to thaw.
We had already decided that we weren't doing anything and then he started feeling bad. Never for me though always for them when they could let someone know in a decent amount of time and I would have cooked a dinner. Now we are not speaking surprise
‘I sat my merry a## on my couch, gazed at my lit tree, reminded myself at the lovely times, felt sad about my daughter though, and gave thanks for all I had. I was at peace. And dh looked at me and said it’s so nice, no drama. I really was amazed at what he said. I still am. Maybe he’s finally came to his full senses of what drama is and how we do not need it !!!
(I did tell him I’m sad how we couldn’t be having a happy holiday with all our children but I was so drained from all of it year after year. We snuggled together and held each other )
Vegas?
Vegas? Hawaii? Bet we could get a serious group discount! We would probably end up on CNN. "I am not sure what is happening, Wolf. It appears to be a massive group of very tired slightly inebriated women invading the area. They are not exactly hostile but have informed us that no one should get in their way and it would be best if children were kept clear. I will attempt to get more details."
I am not eve nin the position
I am not eve nin the position that most of y'all are but if we do a group trip, count me in!!! LOL
I am so in!!!!!!
I am so in!!!!!!
HAHAHA, awesome! Count me in
HAHAHA, awesome! Count me in! When and where?!
Women? I feel neglected.
Women? I feel neglected. Don't forget me.
Tell me about it!
Two days ago DW gets a text from her ex: "What are your plans for the holidays? You haven't taken the kids on vacation for a while."
Well gee, whizz, ASSHOLE, maybe it's because you never paid DW the maintenance you should have! Maybe it's because of your deadbeat habits that she could not afford to do so. I could punch him in the mouth next time I see him.
I would have told him, "If
I would have told him, "If you think they need a vacation, feel free to take them on one."
I had issues with my own
I had issues with my own family. My mother and aunts did the major holiday cooking for decades. I took over my mother’s part when she died 20 years ago. As the other aunts died or became too feeble to do much my cousins did not step up. So at Christmas I ended up providing everything as they would maybe bring a can of cranberry jelly and some of their leftover Christmas sweets.
The last two years I left town. Not sure how they managed but they did get together. I am hosting this year but made it clear that I am cooking a turkey breast (or 2), gravy and homemade rolls. If they want sides they need to bring them. Otherwise we are having hot turkey sandwiches.
My holidays will be great. I
My holidays will be great. I'm sure BM will do everything she can to ensure that SS18 has other plans and can't see us, which is just fine and dandy with me.
Excellent idea. I'm done with
Excellent idea. I'm done with trying to make them feel welcome and put holiday plans on hold to accommodate their disrespect.
An adult skid-FREE (and their screaming brood), holiday is a happy holiday!
Hopefully, since the adult skids are not speaking to DH because he didn't attend a function they ordered him to over the summer, they will not try and pull one of their holiday stunts. Fingers crossed.
SD has stepped up her game.
So, last Christmas SD gave dadeeee a card saying that "maybe by next Christmas we can celibrate Chistmas together like we used to" I have never been ALLOWED to celibrate Christmas with the SD aka GOD. The card was only addressed to dadeee.
She has now managed to get rid of her stepdad. He says it is because of his wife loyality to evil SD and no loyality to him. So now her renewed focus is on me. She is now accusing me of blocking her calls on dadees phone. He has a password on his phone I don't know it. Dadee bought it hook line and sinker. Accused me of doing that. I have no way to do that. I am thinking of going away for Christmas by myself or if my daughter wants to go with me. . dadee and his real wife(mini wife) can spend it together!!!!!!
dadee admited to me that if he says ANYTHING to his mini wife that she will not let him see her spawn she popped out, Hope they have a great Christmas together.
These people don’t deserve you...
And you don’t deserve to be treated this way. You have been disrespected for too long. Let them have the holiday “like they used to” and you do something for yourself. Then, make a new year’s resolution to get away from this horrible man.
Ugh, she sounds like a piece
Ugh, she sounds like a piece of work. Just like my adult steps. They must come from the same mold. Whenever DH's phone doesn't work the way they want, (DH doesn't return their messages, doesn't pick up when they call or voicemail box is full), I get blamed. It would be nice if these hateful adult bleeps could find something better to do.
Geeze, sounds like a winner
Geeze, sounds like a winner SD there! :-/ I wish I had a child to run away with. :-( My only passed away some time ago.
My holidays will be happy and
My holidays will be happy and drama free. My H's daughter is not allowed in our house, she lives in another state, and I'm just enjoying my best life.
That's a win for me.........*yahoo*
Maybe this makes me an evil
Maybe this makes me an evil stepmom but as an almost full-timer, I enjoy the “off” years. BM has ss for Christmas Day so she’ll pick him up the night before (Christmas eve). That leave me, dh and bio to get in our jammies, go Christmas light hunting, watching Christmas movies and drinking hot chocolate together. I know BM plays ‘Santa came early’ when she has SS for Christmas Eve but we don’t. We tell SS Santa brought his gifts to where he was and he gets gifts from us when he gets back home Christmas Day from us and family. I love the years I’m not on someone else timetable.
Funny you talk of holidays..
I was just thinking about this topic when I got on this site tonight wondering if anyone was feeling as I am feeling ...
Answer....... I guess sooooooooooo !!!!!!!!!
Well I thought this year I had it figured out .. Skipping Thanksgiving and heading to a restaurant buffet. But couldn't find one close by. I wanted this option this year because for last 5 years I have been cooking for what I thought was going to be just my husband and I and then I end up in the grocery store the day before Thanksgiving getting a bigger turkey because no one can RSVP until the day before. We ask well in advance every year and they all have plans and say they are not coming. My in-laws included!! Then the calls start coming in and one by one 2 turns into 12. My step-kids come, never say thank you or really talk to me. I do all of the work and no one helps or can even give an appropriate time frame for an RSVP. So this year I decided to skip the dinner.
I talked to my husband made sure he was good with it and he was and now today he is thinking we should have extra food around "just in case" Just in case what? I am extra hungry this year because just in case a step kid drops in and expects dinner is not working for me this year!!!!!!! If everyone decided we were the choice for the holiday meal in the beginning of November it would be no problem but the day before??? how rude is that??
OMG, do I know how you feel.
OMG, do I know how you feel. There's always this one SGoddess who won't rsvp to us and my husband delays all plans with everyone else on the hope that the goddess will grace us with her heinass. Makes me so mad. I just want to tell him to tell her, if you don't rvsp at least a few days before a meal or plan, then she won't be included. Period. That's dreamland, though, as he'd never allow himself to miss out on the "possibility" of the goddess and she knows it. Gross! As you can tell, it phisses me off!
They leave us
Waiting for EVERYTHING!!!!!! We never know if they are showing up or not!!
I feel your pain wouldn't it be nice if they were told to be respectful and decide where they are having dinner?
So far my husband says it's just us this year so we will see. Like I said I wouldn't have cared if everyone decided early. I came from a family that made these kinds of plans months in advance. My mother also was the one who hosted events. My mother in law has never cooked a meal and waits to get invited. Unfortunately and I mean Very unfortunately, I lost my mother very suddenly. Holidays have never been the same.
I empathize with you about
I empathize with you about the disrespectful skids and am very sorry to hear about your mom. I could go on and on about holiday dinners ruined by adult skids, including Easter, X-mas, Thanksgiving, etc.
What I found works to not have to deal with adult skid and choice in-law holiday BS, is to cut it all off at the pass. Making plans with DH well ahead of time to not be home or to invite people over who respect our relationship ahead of time so there's no room for the disrespectful ones works.
I told my DH that I will never stress us out again, cleaning, cooking, preparing and invite hateful skids and busy-body, skid-loving in-laws, who cancel out on the same day of the holiday or show up 4-6 hours late. They use to call us and cancel out right at the last minute or keep calling and say they will be there in an hour, then another hour and another hour. Never mind, the stress of the brood of undisciplined screaming gskids running amok, ugh....no thank you.
I'd find a restaurant that is open. Around here, there are more restaurants serving sit down dinners than before. Plan a trip you a local football game. Let your DH tell these people you and he have plans already and WILL NOT be cooking for a ton of people, period.
it is so much more relaxing to not have to deal with these people anytime of the year, especially on holidays.
good luck.
Thank you!!
Thank you for your kind words!! Holidays are always so hard without my mom. This whole situation with my step-kids and in-laws as well. She was the only one I could tell all of these things too. Who else can you tell but your mom. She is always willing to forget that you were mad at your husband the next day if you want her to.
Thank you for the great advice!!! It sure does sound like you have gone through a lot through the years. I am glad to hear that you were able to find a solution!!! That sounds great!!
I thought I had a plan and if we went to a restaurant even if one of the step-kids did show up they could come along. Bottom line is maybe I can't force a schedule and time but the restaurant could and will !!!! But then I couldn't find one close by.
I have bent over backwards through the years doing so many things for them. I thought it would change as they grew up and matured. The problem is neither happened. They got older, but did not grow up or mature. It's sad and they are constant drama.
I truly would just open up
I truly would just open up some cans of beans and dish them out as their "holiday meal".
Mine are out of my life and
Mine are out of my life and have been for years now; DH is free to do whatever he wishes. He was worse than a tail wagging Labordor initially, that is why we cannot be family. He has zero parenting skills and it certainly shows.
They thought they would control everything about me/us and, have finally learned at least with me; that is not going to happen. It has definitely cooled with DH because they thought with certainty- they would end our marriage, years ago; stating it publicly.
The al la carte resource service from me ended, after reading the public insults. DH still made excuses, but you cannot take back words in writing! I thank God every day they were openly nasty, DH knows why I can never be around them now, and he does not even try to make it happen, which is absolutely wonderful for me.......they did me a huge favor, as sad as it is.
I think each holiday gets better knowing I will not have to see or endure any of their nastiness again. It took years to get here but I am stronger every year, more flexible and happier, as well.
SS and his GF really did me a
SS and his GF really did me a HUGE favor when they stayed in our home (without permission), ransacked it and helped themselves to everything they wanted while we were on vacation. My DH also knows why I will never speak to them again.
How horrible!!
That is aweful I am so sorry
I had 2 or 3 years
of them not calling or committing until the day before and then they would arrive an hour late because one of the kids was asleep. Asleep because they let them stay up all night and sleep whenever they want during the day. Funny that none of the three children ever wanted to sleep at night like normal kids! DH told t hem this year we were eating at 3 and if they wanted to come Thursday evening we would have pizza or something, lol.
That sounds like a good plan
Problem for us is if no one is coming we are not going to a lot of trouble. We're going to have something simple and not worry about getting a turkey.
Now it's just come up again today and somehow I always end up the bad guy because I said I wanted to know if anyone was coming. My husband seems to think that you can go out and buy a turkey on Thanksgiving or the day before. Not a fresh one and a frozen one doesn't have time to thaw.
We had already decided that we weren't doing anything and then he started feeling bad. Never for me though always for them when they could let someone know in a decent amount of time and I would have cooked a dinner. Now we are not speaking surprise
sounds like a great plan!
sounds like a great plan!
Yep, same.
Yep, same.
‘I sat my merry a## on my couch, gazed at my lit tree, reminded myself at the lovely times, felt sad about my daughter though, and gave thanks for all I had. I was at peace. And dh looked at me and said it’s so nice, no drama. I really was amazed at what he said. I still am. Maybe he’s finally came to his full senses of what drama is and how we do not need it !!!
(I did tell him I’m sad how we couldn’t be having a happy holiday with all our children but I was so drained from all of it year after year. We snuggled together and held each other )