BM trying to get my SO back
Hey everyone!
This is first post, I just found this website and I really hope it can help.
I’ve been with him for almost 2 years, and in that time she’s expressed to him 4 times (that I know of) that she still has feelings for him...
recently she texted him a 10 paragraph text message, I happened to look over at the long message and asked who was writing him a novel. Completely light hearted we comment on each other’s phones all the time.
He told me it was from her and I asked what was going on; assuming that it was something about their child. He let me read it with him and she was suggesting he cheat on me with her, to see if they could get their spark back...
im obviously upset about this... but part of me feels like I’m over reacting.. I know that he wouldn’t act on it as I know his responses to her and I’m always with him when he picks up his kid.. I’m just very upset that any woman would even say that when it’s clear he’s moved on..
All my friends don’t understand the situation and just tell me to end things, so I could use some other insight from people who might understand
thanks in advance 
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Comments
How does your SO respond to
How does your SO respond to these texts, that's what matters. If he just ignores them, that's fine. 4 times in 2 years isn't enough to tell her to bug off, ignoring should do the trick. If it's more often, he needs to tell her point blank that he's not interested and to stop those sorts of comments.
Some women (and men) never let go of their exes, especially those they have a child with. Is she difficult to deal with in terms of their shared child? I'm going to guess yes.
To be completely honest, the
To be completely honest, the first two times it happened I over reacted too much to ask his reaction but he brought it to my attention without me asking about just to be honest and it really bothered him.
The second time she put a note in the kids lunch box and he opened it and read it for 2 seconds and put it back, when we dropped him back off at BMs house she looked offended that the note was still there.
the most recent time he responded to her text saying “I don’t even know how to begin to respond to that” she said “fine then don’t” and he told her that he wouldn’t be sneaking around on me.
And he said that to her without me standing over him, I asked him about it a few days later and he showed me.
Weve had problems with her since we started dating and he always sticks up for me.
Like I said I know he’s not cheating but I don’t know how to handle her.
He has to handle her. He
He has to handle her. He needs to tell her, very clearly, that he is not interested in her, he's with you and she needs to stop making these sort of comments. Then IGNORE it every single time. No response whatsoever.
The fact that he showed you
The fact that he showed you the text without hesitation tells me he's being honest with you about what's happening. Hopefully, when she sees he does not take her up on her offer, she will be a little humiliated and back off.
Ugh thanks I hope!! Haha he’s
Ugh thanks I hope!! Haha he’s denied her already so hopefully she learns!
I trust him so I shouldn’t be so upset I know! Now I feel silly hahah
Like many others have
Like many others have mentioned already, you need to watch for how he responds to these long novels. Even if he's not leading her own, if he isn't shutting her down immediately, he is just as guilty as if he were leading her on. Some people (guys or girls) enjoy feeling wanted by their exes. Make sure he is not one of them because the first break down fight he has with you, he will go back to the one who is actively seeking him. If he did not immediatly tell her to stop texting him about the past, tell her to move on and state he will never consider cheating on you especially not for her, then you're not over-reacting--that's your instincts letting you know there is a red flag there.
Yes, I’m so sorry I should
Yes, I’m so sorry I should have clarified better. He does shut her down, and she acknowledges it too. But she’ll say things like imagine how strong skid can be with us being together.
She manipulated him for their relationship and she tries now but now he sees it happening. He told her point blank it wouldn’t happen.
We got in a fight once about something (I can’t even remember what) but somehow this situation got brought up, and he told me he’d never do anything to ruin what he has with me.
I truly believe him... l really trust him with anything. I just don’t know how to deal with someone who point blank asked my boyfriend to cheat on me with her...
im finding it hard to be as friendly to her snarky comments as I used to be.
BM here did something similar
BM here did something similar- she actually tried to call my SO while she had the skids, knowing he was with me. She also text saying she needed to talk to him right away, it was important. They didn’t talk, but the next day she sent him an email saying she thought they should work on their marriage, she thought they could be a family again (the divorce wasn’t quite final yet). He responded to her “There is zero chance of that happening. Time to move on”. She never tried again.
I hope your SO is telling her something equally as final and not leaving the door open. Not responding at all is leaving the door open, IMO. A firm, “Never going to happen, and please don’t bring it up again” would be the appropriate response here. What does he say to her?
He is telling her to move on,
He is telling her to move on, he did make it clear that he was not going to be with her. She manipulated him a lot and he sees that now (THANK GOD) and he's not falling for it anymore.
She says things like "Imagine how strong skid would be if we were together"
I think I just lost my mind when she suggested he cheat on me. But he did respond to that saying that he wasn;t going to do anything that would jeapordize his relationship with me.
THAT was her plan...
... getting you upset. She wants to live rent-free in your had, steal your joy, and jack your marriage.
As Ursula said in Disney's The Little Mermaid, "It's what we DO, it's what we LIVE FOR "
Ignore the Whore.
You're completely right....
You're completely right.... Thank you! I also love that you quoted Ursula... haha
Thank God BM had FINALLY
Thank God BM had FINALLY moved on long before I met DH. She remarried several years before I met DH, and I think it is a solid marriage (as well as I can tell from a distance). Her DH is more possessive about their marriage than even I am - and I am pretty fanatic about there needs to be ZERO communication with someone you used to sleep with - especially when the "children" are over 30.
But the only reason that the POS disgusting SS34 exists is because DH and BM had a ONS years after their divorce. Both were stupid as sh*t for that escapade. DH did try to make it work for awhile - but it was a no go.
All of that was decades before I even met DH. He later had a 15+ marriage to wife #2. Thank goodness he did not have children with her. DH got snipped about 10 days after finding out that BM was pregnant with SS - he was horrified. But DH loves that boy a lot no matter how horrible he is. Thank goodness he is okay with me banning him from my life though.
I'm glad she moved on before
I'm glad she moved on before you had to deal with that drama, seems like you have enough to handle!
It's frustrating when the people in our lives make stupid decisions before we met them. haha He tells me the story of their relationship and all that I can think is "WHY did you think it was a good idea to get married and have a kid?!"
I hope everything works out for you!!
Your DH shuts her down every
Your DH shuts her down every time AND tells/shows you willingly. Girl, you have nothing to worry about! He is clearly showing that he is choosing you. Ignore the whore and enjoy your husband. Enjoy that she's regretful and jealous and seething with envy. It is not you who should be upset, my dear.
Also if you want BM Trying To Get Her Ex Back stories... read some of my blogs. I even have one where BM2 left her skanky thongs in my laundry basket, hoping I'd think my DH cheated on me. It will entertain/horrify you for hours.
Thank you!! This is so
Thank you!! This is so helpful.
I'll definitely read them, I feel like I'm having a hard time finding any friends who can relate to my situation so this is so helpful. haha
I DO hope that yours got better though!
Your SO sounds trustworthy
if your SO is sharing the messages and his responses with you then he is trustworthy.
When I was younger I was a very jealous person. Of course my XH (SO at that time) didn’t help matters. He was sneaky and secretive. I would almost drive myself crazy trying to keep tabs on him and make sure no one tried to steal my man. A dear friend of mine told me if your man is he’ll bent on cheating there is nothing you can do to stop him. You just have to chose whether or not you want to live like that. It took me years and a few broken hearts to really get that. That doesn’t mean to turn a blind eye to your gut feelings. Just understand that your man is being open and honest. He could be hiding and lying. No fit or argument will stop him from being with her is that is what he wants. So just relax in knowing he is clearly choosing you. And if it ever comes out that he does want to be with BM then walk away and Clint your blessings that you are free to find someone who appreciates and loves you.
Wow that's actually really
Wow that's actually really helpful.. .thank you!!!
I never considered myself a jealous person until she started trying to get him back. And then I lost my mind when she suggested he cheat on me.. But i've never been this person so I'm having a hard time knowing how to act. haha
When we first started getting serious I told him it was a concern of mine that with her he has a family, and with me he has a girlfriend, and ex wife and a kid he sees every other weekend, and that he'd realize that he'd change his mind about me.
He told me even if I broke up with him he'd never go back to her.
He told her that he'd never jeapordize his relationship with me...
I do trust him, I just HATE that she's trying
but thank you for that response!!
You trust and believe your SO
You trust and believe your SO, or you don't.
He is not responsible for the nutty behaviour of his love struck ex with inappropriate boundaries.
As long as your SO is trustworthy and does the right thing, there is nothing for you to be concerned about.
Ignore his ex.
She sounds like an attention hungry psycho stalker.
Why be upset?
SO is already yours.
Not hers.
You should feel revulsion or misplaced sympathy for her pathetic actions.
Nothing more.