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What's her title???

Jennymack12's picture

Submitted by Jennymack12 on Thu, 11/08/2018 - 9:22am

So I'm in my first lesbian relationship. She is great (aside from things I'll talk about in another blog lol). We have been together 2 yrs, we live together and plan spending the rest of our lives together. I have 4 kids from a previous marriage. My oldest 3 are all teenagers  and they are comfortable with our relationship . My youngest is 8 and he ABSOLUTELY adores her. They have a bond like no other. Its beautiful. Well... Lately he has been asking her what she is to him. I told him she is his friend but she seems like more than that. I have never even thought about how to answer that. Anybody been in the same situation ? Any advice? ?

Comments

justmakingthebest's picture

Submitted by justmakingthebest on Thu, 11/08/2018 - 9:30am

I have a friend who had a child from a previous relationship and is now engaged to a woman. Her daughter calls her GF/Fiancé My-Lucy. 

I think there are a lot of alternative names for spouses and partners of the same-sex. Be careful about titles until you are talking permanent though. That is for all relationships- same sex or not! 

Ima (Hebrew for "mother")

Amou (Portuguese for "loved one")

Opie (for "other parent")

Motina (Lithuanian for "mother")

Winterglow's picture

Submitted by Winterglow on Thu, 11/08/2018 - 9:39am

In French they use "tatie" (tah-tee) a lot. It means "auntie" but kids use it for women who are not necessarily related to you but who may be close or simply just women they trust (your mother's best friend, the workers at your daycare centre, etc.)

The children of my lesbian friends just call their mother's partner but her first name.

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Thu, 11/08/2018 - 9:57am

I'm confused on the question - she's his stepmother (or will be).  As for what he should call her - by her name.

Letti.R's picture

Submitted by Letti.R on Thu, 11/08/2018 - 10:04am

This is a conversation you should be having with your partner.
What does she feel she is to your 8yo?
What are your expectations of her relationship to your son?

Do you want her to be another parental figure or Mom to your son?
Do you want her to be another adult in the house, without being "Mom" but having some authority with your son?

I don't feel comfortable with telling an 8 year old your partner is his "friend".
She may be friendly to him but calling her his "friend" reduces her to his peer - this is wrong in my opinion.

Have the same conversation with  your son.
What are his expectations of her?
What does he think he should call her?

Aunt, Mom, Nickname are all options the need to be decided by the people involved.
There is no right or wrong, only what works for you all.

still learning's picture

Submitted by still learning on Thu, 11/08/2018 - 10:33am

Auntie

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Submitted by ProbablyAlready... on Thu, 11/08/2018 - 11:41am

Part of the family Smile Becuase she is. She doesn't really need a title, other than that. Let him decide what she is to him. And honeslty as long as he's respectful, what to call her. My skids 50/50 call me mom or call me by my first name (we also have a weird situation, she's crazy, abandoned them, takes them and ditches them now, etc, etc.). I let them choose for their comfort. As long as she's okay with it, then it should be his choice.