I recently posted a topic about a blowout I had with my SO's 18 yr old daughter.

Alot of comments suggested I disengage. And I amiss in agreement that would be best.

First some backstoryx of all we'very dealt with:

I moved into the home when SO's daughter was 13. At first she would ignore me when I talked, pretend like I was there when speaking to her dad and just flat ignore my existemce. This went on for about a 1 1/2 years. It irked me but it was livable.

So at 14 we got news she was pregnant. We were floored. She didn't keep the baby. We later learned she was sneaking around often and smoking pot and drinking and sleeping around. She would often disrespect her dad, saying he was mean and a drunk and he did all that's bad things to her mom. She would talk to her mom about us and then try to get dad to talk bad about her mom.

So fastforward until she's 16. We find pot and cigarettes and pregnancy tests in her room. She is doing poorly in school and failed a grade. SO attempts to discipline her and she threatens him, saying 'get out of my face' and balling up her fists. We argue and she says 'I'm leaving _____' and keeps calling her dad by her name. This is all because he tried to ground her and take her phone. We called the cops, they brought her back before she even got down the road and she went to bed. Her mom refused to come get her that night even though she begged her to.

SD'a mom has not financially contributed and would see her about once a month or 2. She lived 5 minutes uses away.

So a couple months later I find a list of baby essentials and showed SO. We couldn't make anything of it except that seemed to be intentionally trying to get pregnant.

A few months later she is pregnantes and has a girl.

So we had postponed trying for a baby of our own at this time. We decided to get her a car I paid for at 18 so she could take baby to appointments. She had reenrolled back in school after having dropped out when pregnant. We were watching baby and working 2nd shift to help.

By the way she has lived with us the entire time.

So a few months later she drops out again. We convinced her to get GED and she does. But she still won't get her license.

So SO'a brother comes to visit from out of state. He's staying with us. While at work one night we get back and they're both drunk. SO talks to daughter about being more responsible and tells son not to buy her more alcohol *SO had provided her a few beers before but did not want her drinking with baby *. So son gets mad that SO is reprimand ingredients his sister and tries to physically fight him. We all start yelling and I try to break them up. He calls dad a pedophile and yada yada. SD comes in holding her baby and tries to hit dad.

She threatens to punch him in the face. I call their mother and tell her to come get them. Then I call the cops because SO's son keeps charging and trying to assault him. Cops get there after BM has picked up SD. SO didn't want son arrested because he was on provation. So we all lie and say SS didn't assault him.

Fast forward-SS goes back to his state and we start having more issues with SD not cleaning or working or going to school or anything. She just wanted to take her carms and go out. So she starts staying away from home because she got mad at SO for telling her she needed to be more responsible and stop taking her 1 year old out at all times of night.

So a couple months later she wrecks her car, her boyfriend was speeding. SO then takes it and says she can't have it back until she gets license. She stays with a friend a couple weeks asking for money and begging for her car and keeping baby from us because she was mad.

I have my baby and she finally comes for a short visit. Then next time she comes around she's beat up with bruises on ribs and face and scratches everywhere. She looks skinny and dirty. She says her exes girlfriend jumped her.

So SO tells her to stay home more because she was getting in trouble. She does and SO buys her a couple beers behind my back. So a few nights later she's drinking and flips when I go to take a nap. She always acts out when I'm not around and vies for attention and tries to get money from SO because she knows I don't want any of that happening.

Well she flips and I wake up to SO saying he needs help because she's threatening auicide. So we call her BM over here and we're all talking. She says she drains and smokes weed around baby but won't admit to anything else. I ask if she wants to see a therapist or be admitted. She wanted admitted. A few days later she gets out and seems different. Not so angry, more patient with baby, cleaning up. This last for all of a week. SO feels bad and let's her use her car a couple times.

Fastforward 2 weeks. I blow up on her, she goes to mom, we keep her phone. We got on her phone and saw she lied about being jumped-in fact it was a group fight and she was cheering and talking smack and her and the girl fought. SD got beat up. She's done this before with 3 friends-they jumped a girl at her house.

We find out she's popping xanax, roxies, mdma, and snorting coke. She's also drinking heavy and sleeping around. This is where her go Ernest check and child support was going. I guess that's why we were always having to buy diapers, food and clothes for her baby in addition to supporting ourselves and her and our newborn.

She told her mom I didn't feed my baby and only gave her medicine. Then she told her friends she hated me and my SO had lost his 1 sister, 3 kids and 2 grandkids because of me. She told people he is miserable because of me. Then said the baby was ugly and she couldn't stand me and all I wanted was to have her dad to myself.

We learned she was lying about baby daddy not wanting to see her daughter and that she was provoking physical fights with his girlfriend trying to get her to come to our house.

Anyway, that rounds up most things.

This is why I want to disengage. She is a miserable  emotionally manipulative leech.

We kicked her out. She won't talk to her dad and is keeping baby away from us. She told mom I hit her.

How do I go about disengaging completely now that the first step has been made?