Spoke to BM today
Against my better judgement, I thought I would try contacting Sarah.
It was a short call. She mostly talked at me.
I tried explaining who I was. She just said that she was aware of who he was now and had enough to deal with with BM2, so she wasn't about to deal with "some other woman" and whatever "sob story" she (I) "wanted to pull". I did verify where he worked and she just said "not for long".
I did learn that she had filled for a paternity test on the "cousin's" child and that she had guardianship in her own right due to how it was set up, but nothing else.
I know from my lawyer that I would in fact have to sue 9 separate people to make any headway on the finances. Discovery alone would take years and it would be more of a circus and more public than I would like. I'd also likely be spending more on legal fees than I would ever recover. Even with what he was actually making, what she got a year was only about 20k above his actual salary, and most of the excess went to the apartment he also kept. I'm calling it a wash.
As to DH, he's off on business (I assume). He knows it's over and we'll have seperate bedrooms (and finances) until there is a settlement.
I've filed my own petition for seperation. Time will tell on everything else.
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I would file criminal charges
I would file criminal charges and have DH arrested.
That will get rid of him.
A criminal court will invalidate his subsequent marriage and any claim of liability to his extra wife on your part.
That will cost you nothing.
Immediately file for child support so that your child has first bite at any of your bigamist's husband's current and future earnings.
Beat Sarah to the punch on this.
Why sue 9 people?
I seriously suggest you consult a second attorney.
I am unsure yours knows what he/she is doing.
Protect yourself and your child,
I haven't really beaten her
I haven't really beaten her to the punch on anything so far. At best I'm 2nd in line.
I'm hoping he eventually gets arrested, but that hasn't happened yet and this was about what's happened today.
As to the finances, Sarah tied all of her money/assets among herself, her father and her 5/6 children. She doesn't independently own anything. So yes, I would have to sue all 9 of them.
I apologise, it seems I am
I apologise, it seems I am missing something.
Why would you sue Sarah -even if she was the beneficiary of your money?
Your claim of fraud should be against your husband, not his other wife.
You would sue your husband to possibly - and I say possibly - recover the money.
Him misspending joint marital money is not a crime.
Not unless there is deliberate fraud on his part - like submitting fake medical invoices on behalf of your son that needed to be paid by you.
(In this case, as a surgeon, how did any of this medical fraud get past you?)
You won't be able to sue Sarah unless you can prove Sarah was his active accompliss in defrauding you, which you probably will not even be able to establish nevermind prove.
You are seriously wasting your time with this line of pursuit.
Did your lawyer tell you that you will have standing to sue Sarah to recover the money you consider skimmed?
Skimmed by your husband?
Are you sure you even spoke to a lawyer?
If this was the advice you got, get a new lawyer!
Seriously, either your lawyer is a complete idiot or you are making up stories.
Pick one.
Your own legitimate paperwork will prove you are the first wife.
This evidence can be obtained by a neutral third party via marriage records to prove who was married first.
Fake or falsified papers is further evidence of fraud.
No need to contact BM to establish this.
You may feel second best or beaten, but you aren't.
Separate BEDROOMS? I don't
Separate BEDROOMS? I don't get it.
Why is he in your house? Why?
Do not talk to the other woman - she is not "BM" to you.
Get another lawyer.
I think you've got great advice here and I don't understand why you are still even considering interacting in any way with that man.
I can't legally kick him out
I can't legally kick him out until the separation agreement goes through and/or he is arrested. Believe me, that's in the works.
MAJOR! STEP TALK VIGILANTE
MAJOR! STEP TALK VIGILANTE SQUAD!
We need to throat punch the idiot.
Or at least warn women..
Or at least warn women...shoot there are probably others unknown still out there!
That works too!
That works too!
I would NOT talk to the
I would NOT talk to the “other wife”, like at all. She is NOT going to be on your side, she is going to be looking out for herself.
Honestly, you have no idea nor will you most likely ever know if this woman played a hand in this all. Who knows maybe she was in on it?! Much stranger things have happened. The fact that she had time to set her finances how she did indicates to me that she knew something. If she just all of a sudden found out (like claiming) there is no way she would have had the time to move things around like that. The house not being in his name, etc etc.... that would have had to have happened long ago. It takes AGES and tons of money to transfer property rights. I’m not buying any of her story at all. She was also financially benefiting off you directly- but he allowed her without his knowledge to just move things around like that?! Yaaaaa right.
To me this sounds like they were in on it together, he had her keep things in her name in case something happened between you and him. And then he pissed her off and now she is out to “destroy” him as payback. This actually sounds like the most likely scenario. Maybe she thought you were married but didn’t know about your child? Finding out about the child set her off?!
I can see your side, you are a busy professional- time slips away, and you have other focuses. Her on the other hand she has 5 kids is “apparently” working for her dad (that could also be a cover up).
How often was he with you?! It had to be quite a bit as you were saying he took care of your sons medical needs primarily. And with 5 kids she wasn’t calling, etc? Fricken BMs call their DIVORCED husbands more frequently!!!!!
i think you got conned, by both of them! She knew and now something else is going on- found out about your son? Caught him cheating with someone else? She is an even bigger con than he is and conned him?
The deed change lines up with
The deed change lines up with when his "cousin" would have been pregnant with/given birth to her child. Six years ago.
The other changes likely happened around then as well.
With all his travelling, we each probably got around equal time.
OP you are NOT second in line
OP you are NOT second in line for anything. You are the FIRST AND ONLY wife! ONLY wife...let that sink in. First and only. When the shock of what's happening goes away - stand up tall. Take the suggestions of the ladies above regarding the legal route you should take as the ONLY SPOUSE. Put that two-timing, no good POS in his dang place...along with SIDE CHICK SARAH.
Girl you got this!!! Stop thinking anyone has beaten you and take control as the rightful spouse should! Kick butt and take names.
****Important side note: Sidechick's children are NOT your stepkids. Skids are a result of the offspring created during a previous marriage by your spouse. As you are the ONLY WIFE your two-timing DH actually has...his other children are illegitimates. I'm not saying it's their fault, of course it's not as they're innocent. Point is you are NOT a stepmom!!
Sidechick's children are NOT
They may be. I might end up keeping him around for practical reasons. He has more use to me with the work he could do than the literal pennies I would get in child support.
So you’re ok with more of
So you’re ok with more of your money going to side chick Sarah then?
Depending on where you live, your income could directly or indirectly be factored into the CS payment she’s going to get from your STBX. He won’t be the ‘unpaid nanny’ you think he’ll be, esp if he’s not working. Where do you think CS payments will come from? You ok with that?
Not to mention, she’s not going to just go away. He still has a responsibility to those kids whether you like it or not. You can’t (and shouldn’t) stop him from being a father to them.
I know you’re hurt & your mind is likely moving a million miles a minute right now, but like all the other posters have said, you need to take care of YOU and YOUR SON right now.
Do you honestly think he’s not just going to do the same thing with other women if you keep him around? Unless you chain him to the floor in your home, how exactly do you plan on preventing him from making the same choices he’s made already?
Have a read around here. Listen to the stories on this site. The best and kindest thing you can do right now is to get the eff outta this mess. Protect your assets, get an amazing lawyer, and put all that money that inadvertently WILL go to sidechick if you stick with this loser towards the best care you can find for your son. Your STBX still has responsibility towards him & can still be a part of his care team in a new way. But for the love of all that’s mighty, do yourself a favour & take ‘keep him around as ‘unpaid’ nanny’ off the table. You deserve more than that.
We'd be on paper divorced. BM
We'd be on paper divorced. BM would have no claim to my money.
There are plenty of women on
There are plenty of women on this site who aren’t married to their SO’s, it doesn’t stop many BM’s from trying to make a claim against their money. Seriously, read around this site.
Even if she doesn’t directly have a claim against your money, your H has 6 other children he needs to support. Six! Where do you think the bulk of any money he brings in is going to go? CS payment to side chick. Which means the bulk of the costs to maintain your home/son/life will be provided by you.
You will be the one providing for your H if you decide to stay with him. Essentially you will be rewarding him. Will he still have to pay you CS for your son?
I really feel for you, I can’t imagine what you’re going through right now. I hope you take some time to make these decisions, and genuinely do what’s in your & your sons best interest. We’re all rooting for you
Your husband is not going to
Your husband is not going to just 'get arrested'. The police don't have a detective squad going around looking for people who happen to be married twice. YOU have to REPORT him. That is how he will get arrested.
Also GET THE LOCKS CHANGED.
Also GET THE LOCKS CHANGED. Do not let this man into your house. You are not safe in a high pressure situation like this. You need a great lawyer who will get an emergency hearing for his exclusion and your protection. But in the meantime - get the locks changed.
Sarah had to know something
Sarah had to know something was up for a long time to divy out her assets that way. I would have no qualms about bringing down the hammer on her . I get that you don't want to sue 9 people, it sounds like a real pain but maybe that AOA suit you were talking about may be something to pursue. How can she claim not to know about his other relationships yet act in a manner to protect herself from his other obligations?
She's no saint and neither is he, perhaps they should stay together.
She did have BM2 to contend
She did have BM2 to contend with and her (very strange) interest in taking in that child in her own claim.
All her strange actions line up with that woman, not me. I actually believe that she didn't know and that by the time I popped up she had long stopped being surprised.