There are bio parents who don't even like their own kids, and only love them because of that biological bond. To expect a total stranger, which you are, to come in and "love" these kids is woefully misguided. You aren't wrong for feeling how you feel.

What you DO need to do, though, is take off your rose-colored glasses about your BF and recognize that his kids' behavior is a direct result of his parenting, or lack thereof. It's very hard to look at someone you love and say "man, you have some bad qualities that are negatively impacting those around you". But as a SP, that has to be one of the first things you do.

You're irritated at the kids, and rightfully so, for their lack of manners. Manners that have to be taught by their parents. By their father. You need to be able to address these issues with him. While the behaviors themselves are innocent enough, the feelings behind them aren't.

What your FSKs are displaying are signs of disrespect to you and your family. These are things that Dad should be nipping in the bud and delivering consequences for. Lord help either of my SSs if they ever said any of those things to me or my family, or took food off of someone else's plate. My DH jumps on that behavior ridiculously fast, and if your SO doesn't, that's a problem.

Take a step back and examine the behaviors the kids do that annoy you, then look at their dad's response, and yours. If Dad is around, does he correct his kids? Does he discipline them? Does he pretend to not notice it happening? Then look at yourself. If Dad isn't around, do you bring it to his attention? If he doesn't say anything to his kids, do you?

You shouldn't expect to be treated like a parent, but you should expect to be treated like an autority figure, such as a teacher, police officer, etc. If the kids wouldn't talk to their teacher the way they talk to you, that's a problem but one that can be corrected. If, however, they treat the teacher like they treat you, then you have a much bigger problem. Your problem then goes from being "kids being too comfortable with you" to "kids have not been parented in the least bit", and that should give you much pause when discussing moving forward with your relationship.

Ewwww. I would not have put the handled hot dogs back. I think I would have put the other two dogs on your boyfriend's other children's plates. Or Boyfriend's plate. 

Vent away. These seemingly little things can eat away and add up.

It sounds like Dad is pretty laid back in his home. Helping themselves to Dad's fridge in his home is perfectly fine if that's how Dad does things. Back it's his job to teach the little darling social manners .... going to someone else's house and helping yourself is not going to go well with the host. 

You just hit on a topic you need to have with your BF before you think about moving in together. First, don't rush the move. You nor the kids are ready to attempt it. Second, the 'together home' should be neutral territory. Meaning not your home, and not the home he's living in. I'm a firm believer in a 'our home'. It's way too hard for the side of the family moving in to try moving into an established house. Whether it were just you, or you and your kids. If you move into his established home, it will always be 'their home'. If he and his kids move into your established home, they will always be the outsiders. 

A fresh start needs a fresh home. One where the adults are equally invested. Children must all feel on the same footing. Bedrooms sorted  out before move in so no kid can grumble 'this is my bedroom, it was mine before you moved in, and it's mine now'.

And the parenting on different pages. Again, blending families is hard work and takes lots of compromising from both sides. Going in with totally different parenting styles and lifestyles is even a larger hurdle. Maybe BF and you work on creating rules and guidelines together that both can agree to and adhere to following through with. 

You're free to vent here any time. The members are good listeners.... but the one you most have to have these sometimes uncomfortable but very necessary discussions with is your BF. Because all these little things really do build and add up. Then resentment comes, then the defensive 'you just hate my kids' from your partner. And round and round it goes. 

I remember reading somewhere that it's mothers who teach their children manners. to mothers, manners are highly important. Dads place more value on achievements.  When mum and dad are together, the bases are covered. When mum and dad split, Dads usually turn into Disneyland dads, with limited time they have with their offspring, they don't want to spend that time disciplining them. They think they're being the good guy, but they're creating little monsters.

I was in a similar situation. His kids mum had another baby, got a job for the first time in years and it's clear she doesn't have time for her oldest 3 children anymore. As a result, they think they can do whatever they want. If they want something, Mum nd Dad both cave and buy it for them out of guilt. They acted out constantly for attention. They were so rude and entitled I couldn't stand it.

Your BF doesn't think it's rude to go rooting around in other people's refrigerators?

His kids may be rude but the fact that he allows it just wouldn't sit well with me. How long have you known this guy?

You think you are irritated, now? What happens if it gets serious, you live together, get married? Forget about loving them (which you are not required to do), you will resent them, and your BF, too. They will end up resenting you, as well, if you are doing all of the correcting. And really, why should you have to?

I know that kids will be kids and will sometimes do whatever (even if taught better), but if the parent doesn't even try to correct them, or worse, doesn't see their behavior as a problem, well, that's a problem. Or, at least, it would be for me because that says more about the BF than the kids.

I would wonder, what else in life does he have this kind of attitude about?

They are not your children so you cannot expect to change them. Their behavior and lack of manners/couth is something you don't like. So... stop inviting them to events.

Do not expect his kids' behavior to improve. Their current behavior is how their parents raised them and it's highly unlikely your boyfriend or his ex will do anything to change their kids' lack of manners. So think loooooong and hard before you move in with him.

Read posts and blogs on this site. Read A LOT. Many are still dealing with craptastic kid behavior DECADES after these kids grew up. It's true. Some of the step 'kids' are in there 30s, 40s, 50s and still act abominably.

These behaviors would rake my nerves horribly. I don’t even allow skid to go through my fridge when she’s here. This is MY house. LOL. 

behavior happens too. I really don’t think this is going to change. Even if your EX will get on them, ?  They will go back to BM and do what they want.  

Your boyfriend is allowing it at your uncle's. He's encouraging it when he wants them to feel at home at your house.

Kids can and do learn there are different rules for different places. His kids are capable of learning as one at least asked if she could go into your uncle's refrigerator before doing so. Boyfriend needs to wake up and realize that parenting is more than making his kids comfortable.

Have you been to any if his family events with the kids? If the whole family accepts this, my only advice is to run.  Or is his family so disgusted by this that he and the kids aren't invited to things?  If his family doesn't accept this behavior, counseling and parenting classes might help.

You’re situation sounds awfully familiar. I also constantly struggle with rude step children. They take what they want, normally don’t think of others, and can be so rude. Like you I also had issues with the fridge but more about SD taking my organic drinks and lunch fruit, which is quite expensive and for food allergies & all because she wants to.  That was her answer. Anytime I mentioned it I was criticized or made to feel like I was a bad person. Why couldn’t she have it?  When I’m fact, kids need rules, they need to learn basic human kindness and manners, they need to be taught to respect other people’s stuff. For me they are core values and while some of the values are shared, they are missed in parenting. Unfortunately it is a very tough position to be in. Took several arguments for my partner to understand that my specialty drinks and food are mine. Finally the other day she actually told SD she couldn’t have what was mine. Parents don’t want to know bad things about their kids, they don’t want to know they need to address certain behaviours. The bio parents both want the kids to like them better than the other so if not discipling them means they like that parent more, then that is what happens. I’d love to say it gets better quickly and there won’t be issues but step parenting is sadly filled with challenges. If you tell him about the kids being rude, he may take it as you think he is a bad parent. Even though he may be a good dad the rest of the time, he has work to do. The kids will test you because they can. It is clear that our partners need to teach the kids respect and manners. That said, We can blame our partners or we can find ways to try and make it work. If you want to stay in the relationship you want to find a way to work with the kids. When they are at your place they follow your rules. Pick and choose the battles, why don’t you want them in the fridge? If they just go in and say they do at dads, they may also saying they are comfortable enough as though they were home. That is a good thing. But you should talk to their dad about being in public and your family event and how it makes you feel. What you see when it happens and why it upsets you. Find a compromise without giving in. If you don’t have good communication, it will be harder down the road. It will take some adjustment because most kids don’t just accept a new person into their family. They might protect the bio, hope they get back together,  push your limits To decide if you should stay, they don’t instantly love you. As steps we can’t expect to just love our partners kids either. Find the qualities you do like, try doing fun things in order to bond and learn about them. Then when there are issues with them, it is easier to approach. You say it’s great when.....followed by can we please work on....with SD or SS. If they don’t speak to you the way they should you could try just ignoring them until they are polite. Dad needs to step up and don’t be so hard on yourself about not liking them, that is perfectly normal. 

Nothing worse than a kid with lack of manners and respect. I agree with all the posters, address this with your BF. He may be clueless but every time something goes down, point it out to him and have him address it right that second. These are basics that should have been taught when they younger. I wouldnt be up for "training" a grown @ss man but if you feel inclined to thats the way to do it. Its really sad that both parents are failing these kids by not showing them the basics of good manners.

Do they know how to say thank you at least? What a great disservice they're doing to those kids.