Frustrated by BM's indifference
Our court scheduled father's day time landed in such a way that we got an extra "weekend" - p/u at 6pm fri to sun at 6pm. Our normal custody time starts back mon 730 am through wed 730 am.
DH asked if we could just keep kids here sun evening since he would be picking them up at 730 mon. BM said no. Not such a big deal, although highly inconvenient, and we expected her to say no, she always does.
BUT - she seems like she doesn't give 2 sh!ts about spending time with the kids when they are there, nor having any limits or rules. When they got to her house, they cooked hot dogs over a fire pit - kids said they had to tell her how to cook them as she had no plans for sticks to cook them with, then they told us that their hot dogs were partially uncooked. (I guess she didn't check or help them)she took them to get videos, and they stayed up until all hours last night watching movies and espn and playing video games. Normally they stay up at her house until around 930 or 10, but it must have been later last night. Then, this morning ss came to the car with his hands full of cheese pringles (at 730!) apparently that was his breakfast. Within a few minutes both kids were asleep and slept the whole 20-30 minute drive home. Once we got here, the both went right back to bed.
I realize this is mostly ranting but I don't know what else I can do about it, except let it fester until I being hating this woman. It makes me so angry to see them like this. I know it's not neglect or abuse, but it still isn't right.
- Mary Louise's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
control
control over your DH...she probably hates your DH and wants to control him more than she loves her own kids. sad but true. ours is definitely this way. some women just dont care enough about their kids to do whats best for them...they think they do, but really theyre just selfish. any way u can get more custody?
I think it sounds like
She doesn't care about the kids, just keeping him from any extra time with them.
We used to see that with BM. Unless it was convenient for her, then she simply tells SD "I'm not taking you next time."
Never checks with us if that's ok, or if we have plans.
Ironically, when we were going through our custody case, we started with mediation because SD wanted some weekends with BM (we had her ever Thur through Mon then.) BM told SD's shrink that DH was trying to dump SD on her rather than spend his allotted time with SD, and that she wished he would stand up and be a father! The shrink said to us, "I told her that I thought you were a very good father, and that this was about SD wanting non-working/school day time with her mother. She didn't seem to get it, or perhaps just didn't wish to get it."
Now we have full custody and BM gets SD EOW. She and SD kept refusing visitation because they were fighting, so we never knew what the schedule was. When we tried to force them to spend time together (for a much needed break or because we had plans) BM would dump SD off to our neighbors all weekend. We'd drive by the park and see SD 13 there alone with her BF she's not supposed to have. So we ended up taking her and it caused heavy drama and a big scene. Then BM would proclaim "I'm not taking her anymore because all you do is judge how I spend my time with her." DH said, "I could care less how you spend your time with her. BUT YOU'RE NOT SPENDING IT WITH HER. You are sending her back to my neighborhood to run around unsupervised in front of ME."
ARGH.
Goodluck. It seems you have a long road ahead of control games.
"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra
update
Kids are still sleeping. They must have been up incredibly late. They are both morning people who usually wake and are ready to play by 730 on most days - even if they are up late (10pm at our house is VERY late)
I'm glad for the quiet time, but it makes me sad.
Good lord. I just dont get
Good lord. I just dont get parents that try to sabotage the other parent by intentionally keeping kids up WAYYY past a reasonable bedtime, feeding them CRAP and just running them down. That is so freakin irresponsible its not even funny.
They finally woke up at 1048
They finally woke up at 1048 and 11 respectively. Found out ss had a nightmare around 5 am after going to bed around 11pm. He went to sd room for comfort. After he kept her awake because he was too worked up to fall back asleep, they finally got bm, who put ss back in his bed. He said he just stayed awake watching tv and dozed a little before we got there.
sd never had anything for breakfast and ss ate chips.
They both said that they woke up because they were very hungry, but still a little tired. Long day, but a good one. They were so off with sleep we ended up letting them stay up later than normal here because neither was in the least tired. Should even out tomorrow.
Would have been nice if bm could have given us a heads up.
I know how you feel
My ex keeps our BD7 up late on the weekends he has her and feeds her crap - fast food, chips, pop, cookies, etc. When I get her back, she is exhausted, filthy - usually smelly like a street person with greasy hair - and hungry. It takes at least 2 days to get her back to normal and its hard during the school year. She is cranky on Monday and sometimes Tuesday for school after she has been with her father. I have tried talking to him about keeping her on a schedule - he has had overnights since she was 10 months old so this is not new to him - but he told me its none of my f***ing business what happens at his house.
It sucks but what can you do. Control, control, control.